In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A

[kalmah0804]

Hitting rock bottom here. Pretty much cried myself to sleep last night. I'm 26 years old now and I just had the painful realization that I lost 10 years of my life to all this ***** depression and anxiety. It hurts knowing I'll never get those moments back.

I'm trying to be positive and it's hard. Before I wrote this post I had several others creating a narrative of being a depressed **** up that did nothing but bring me down further. I want to be better, to be happy, but part of me doesn't believe it's even possible. And it's hard because every day I have this feeling that I can't do anything right or I'm not good enough to do anything. I see that belief, I see that it's wrong and it's holding me back, but I can't get to it or change it. The only thing I can do is use willpower to bypass it, but I can't keep living my life like that for two reasons. One, my willpower runs out and when that happens it's even more dangerous because then the negative belief gets free reign to sabotage my life and two it's not permanent change so I'll always have to keep on top of it and to me that's a terrible solution.

I don't know what's worse being completely ignorant of your shortcomings or seeing them and having them manipulate you like a slave while you are unable to do anything.

This post cut through me like a knife. Turning 26 soon also and I feel like my whole life I've been too fucked up inside to move forward and accomplish or achieve anything.

[mat422]

Hitting rock bottom here. Pretty much cried myself to sleep last night. I'm 26 years old now and I just had the painful realization that I lost 10 years of my life to all this ***** depression and anxiety. It hurts knowing I'll never get those moments back.

I'm trying to be positive and it's hard. Before I wrote this post I had several others creating a narrative of being a depressed **** up that did nothing but bring me down further. I want to be better, to be happy, but part of me doesn't believe it's even possible. And it's hard because every day I have this feeling that I can't do anything right or I'm not good enough to do anything. I see that belief, I see that it's wrong and it's holding me back, but I can't get to it or change it. The only thing I can do is use willpower to bypass it, but I can't keep living my life like that for two reasons. One, my willpower runs out and when that happens it's even more dangerous because then the negative belief gets free reign to sabotage my life and two it's not permanent change so I'll always have to keep on top of it and to me that's a terrible solution.

I don't know what's worse being completely ignorant of your shortcomings or seeing them and having them manipulate you like a slave while you are unable to do anything.

This post cut through me like a knife. Turning 26 soon also and I feel like my whole life I've been too ***** up inside to move forward and accomplish or achieve anything.

Wish I knew or could show you how to get out of it. I read a lot about other people dealing with similar stuff. We're not alone. Unfortunately nobody really has an answer either. I think it might be an INFP thing. It's a combination of really feeling like I don't fit in with how most of the world works/what's valued and also underestimating my own abilities and constantly fearing the worst. Put those two together and you get fear preventing yourself from moving forward but also a complete lack of motivation for striving for the thing society seems to value the most above all else, money.

I'm hoping DMSI bulldozes through this. If not I might just have to drop it and seek professional help from a hypnotherapist. I feel like this is the resistance popping up, but I don't know. It's hard to tell. It feels like these negative beliefs are being closely guarded and prevented from being removed despite all my efforts.

[kalmah0804]

Hitting rock bottom here. Pretty much cried myself to sleep last night. I'm 26 years old now and I just had the painful realization that I lost 10 years of my life to all this ***** depression and anxiety. It hurts knowing I'll never get those moments back.

I'm trying to be positive and it's hard. Before I wrote this post I had several others creating a narrative of being a depressed **** up that did nothing but bring me down further. I want to be better, to be happy, but part of me doesn't believe it's even possible. And it's hard because every day I have this feeling that I can't do anything right or I'm not good enough to do anything. I see that belief, I see that it's wrong and it's holding me back, but I can't get to it or change it. The only thing I can do is use willpower to bypass it, but I can't keep living my life like that for two reasons. One, my willpower runs out and when that happens it's even more dangerous because then the negative belief gets free reign to sabotage my life and two it's not permanent change so I'll always have to keep on top of it and to me that's a terrible solution.

I don't know what's worse being completely ignorant of your shortcomings or seeing them and having them manipulate you like a slave while you are unable to do anything.

This post cut through me like a knife. Turning 26 soon also and I feel like my whole life I've been too ***** up inside to move forward and accomplish or achieve anything.

Wish I knew or could show you how to get out of it. I read a lot about other people dealing with similar stuff. We're not alone. Unfortunately nobody really has an answer either. I think it might be an INFP thing. It's a combination of really feeling like I don't fit in with how most of the world works/what's valued and also underestimating my own abilities and constantly fearing the worst. Put those two together and you get fear preventing yourself from moving forward but also a complete lack of motivation for striving for the thing society seems to value the most above all else, money.

I'm hoping DMSI bulldozes through this. If not I might just have to drop it and seek professional help from a hypnotherapist. I feel like this is the resistance popping up, but I don't know. It's hard to tell. It feels like these negative beliefs are being closely guarded and prevented from being removed despite all my efforts.

I will say that I grew past a lot of these feelings (especially feeling fitting in with most of the world and such) during my time on DMSI-A, although much more on 3.01 than on 3.1. If I hadn't had a complete mental breakdown and become borderline psychotic, I think I would have bulldozed through and been in a much better place. Keep on going with 3.1. Eager to see if you attain any better results than I do.

[mat422]

Hitting rock bottom here. Pretty much cried myself to sleep last night. I'm 26 years old now and I just had the painful realization that I lost 10 years of my life to all this ***** depression and anxiety. It hurts knowing I'll never get those moments back.

I'm trying to be positive and it's hard. Before I wrote this post I had several others creating a narrative of being a depressed **** up that did nothing but bring me down further. I want to be better, to be happy, but part of me doesn't believe it's even possible. And it's hard because every day I have this feeling that I can't do anything right or I'm not good enough to do anything. I see that belief, I see that it's wrong and it's holding me back, but I can't get to it or change it. The only thing I can do is use willpower to bypass it, but I can't keep living my life like that for two reasons. One, my willpower runs out and when that happens it's even more dangerous because then the negative belief gets free reign to sabotage my life and two it's not permanent change so I'll always have to keep on top of it and to me that's a terrible solution.

I don't know what's worse being completely ignorant of your shortcomings or seeing them and having them manipulate you like a slave while you are unable to do anything.

This post cut through me like a knife. Turning 26 soon also and I feel like my whole life I've been too ***** up inside to move forward and accomplish or achieve anything.

Wish I knew or could show you how to get out of it. I read a lot about other people dealing with similar stuff. We're not alone. Unfortunately nobody really has an answer either. I think it might be an INFP thing. It's a combination of really feeling like I don't fit in with how most of the world works/what's valued and also underestimating my own abilities and constantly fearing the worst. Put those two together and you get fear preventing yourself from moving forward but also a complete lack of motivation for striving for the thing society seems to value the most above all else, money.

I'm hoping DMSI bulldozes through this. If not I might just have to drop it and seek professional help from a hypnotherapist. I feel like this is the resistance popping up, but I don't know. It's hard to tell. It feels like these negative beliefs are being closely guarded and prevented from being removed despite all my efforts.

I will say that I grew past a lot of these feelings (especially feeling fitting in with most of the world and such) during my time on DMSI-A, although much more on 3.01 than on 3.1. If I hadn't had a complete mental breakdown and become borderline psychotic, I think I would have bulldozed through and been in a much better place. Keep on going with 3.1. Eager to see if you attain any better results than I do.

Yeah my subconscious must be scared to death right now at the inevitability of change on this sub. I read about some of the other posts on DMSI and I was like nah it wouldn't get that bad for me. But damn, the change is being pushed for and my mind really doesn't like it.

[kalmah0804]

Hitting rock bottom here. Pretty much cried myself to sleep last night. I'm 26 years old now and I just had the painful realization that I lost 10 years of my life to all this ***** depression and anxiety. It hurts knowing I'll never get those moments back.

I'm trying to be positive and it's hard. Before I wrote this post I had several others creating a narrative of being a depressed **** up that did nothing but bring me down further. I want to be better, to be happy, but part of me doesn't believe it's even possible. And it's hard because every day I have this feeling that I can't do anything right or I'm not good enough to do anything. I see that belief, I see that it's wrong and it's holding me back, but I can't get to it or change it. The only thing I can do is use willpower to bypass it, but I can't keep living my life like that for two reasons. One, my willpower runs out and when that happens it's even more dangerous because then the negative belief gets free reign to sabotage my life and two it's not permanent change so I'll always have to keep on top of it and to me that's a terrible solution.

I don't know what's worse being completely ignorant of your shortcomings or seeing them and having them manipulate you like a slave while you are unable to do anything.

This post cut through me like a knife. Turning 26 soon also and I feel like my whole life I've been too ***** up inside to move forward and accomplish or achieve anything.

Wish I knew or could show you how to get out of it. I read a lot about other people dealing with similar stuff. We're not alone. Unfortunately nobody really has an answer either. I think it might be an INFP thing. It's a combination of really feeling like I don't fit in with how most of the world works/what's valued and also underestimating my own abilities and constantly fearing the worst. Put those two together and you get fear preventing yourself from moving forward but also a complete lack of motivation for striving for the thing society seems to value the most above all else, money.

I'm hoping DMSI bulldozes through this. If not I might just have to drop it and seek professional help from a hypnotherapist. I feel like this is the resistance popping up, but I don't know. It's hard to tell. It feels like these negative beliefs are being closely guarded and prevented from being removed despite all my efforts.

I will say that I grew past a lot of these feelings (especially feeling fitting in with most of the world and such) during my time on DMSI-A, although much more on 3.01 than on 3.1. If I hadn't had a complete mental breakdown and become borderline psychotic, I think I would have bulldozed through and been in a much better place. Keep on going with 3.1. Eager to see if you attain any better results than I do.

Yeah my subconscious must be scared to death right now at the inevitability of change on this sub. I read about some of the other posts on DMSI and I was like nah it wouldn't get that bad for me. But damn, the change is being pushed for and my mind really doesn't like it.

DMSI-A between 3.01 and 3.1 together pushed me to a life where I (almost) had everything I had ever wanted at the time... and then came the panic attacks, the hallucinations, the nearly-schizophrenic violent and obsessive thoughts... it was not a good combo, and while I'm not glad that I *had* to switch, I'm glad I followed my instinct and did end up switching, even if I do hopefully one day get to come back to it. It's a great sub, and so long as you don't end up where I did, I think you should be able to make tremendous progress with it.

[mat422]

This post cut through me like a knife. Turning 26 soon also and I feel like my whole life I've been too ***** up inside to move forward and accomplish or achieve anything.

Wish I knew or could show you how to get out of it. I read a lot about other people dealing with similar stuff. We're not alone. Unfortunately nobody really has an answer either. I think it might be an INFP thing. It's a combination of really feeling like I don't fit in with how most of the world works/what's valued and also underestimating my own abilities and constantly fearing the worst. Put those two together and you get fear preventing yourself from moving forward but also a complete lack of motivation for striving for the thing society seems to value the most above all else, money.

I'm hoping DMSI bulldozes through this. If not I might just have to drop it and seek professional help from a hypnotherapist. I feel like this is the resistance popping up, but I don't know. It's hard to tell. It feels like these negative beliefs are being closely guarded and prevented from being removed despite all my efforts.

I will say that I grew past a lot of these feelings (especially feeling fitting in with most of the world and such) during my time on DMSI-A, although much more on 3.01 than on 3.1. If I hadn't had a complete mental breakdown and become borderline psychotic, I think I would have bulldozed through and been in a much better place. Keep on going with 3.1. Eager to see if you attain any better results than I do.

Yeah my subconscious must be scared to death right now at the inevitability of change on this sub. I read about some of the other posts on DMSI and I was like nah it wouldn't get that bad for me. But damn, the change is being pushed for and my mind really doesn't like it.

DMSI-A between 3.01 and 3.1 together pushed me to a life where I (almost) had everything I had ever wanted at the time... and then came the panic attacks, the hallucinations, the nearly-schizophrenic violent and obsessive thoughts... it was not a good combo, and while I'm not glad that I *had* to switch, I'm glad I followed my instinct and did end up switching, even if I do hopefully one day get to come back to it. It's a great sub, and so long as you don't end up where I did, I think you should be able to make tremendous progress with it.

Good to know. It has been doing a lot for me, but I guess this is a particular rough patch I'm hitting at the moment.

---

As a side note going back down to two loops. I thought I was ready, but I wasn't. Got this very strong paralyzed feeling. I had to take time out today for a good hour or two just to relax my body because I felt all this tension and stress. Too much to process and not enough time to do so, created a sort of backlog of emotions. Maybe I'll move back up to 4 loops again some other time, but for now I'm getting a strong yes from 2 loops and strong no from 4. Lesson learned, listen to your intuition. Don't be afraid of not making fast enough progress and bite off more than you can chew.

[Shannon]

You are facing the real issues now. The real problems are being dealt with, and as hard as they've fought to stay in place, they're not liking what DMSI is doing to route them.

With DMSI 3.1+, change is inevitable - as long as you use it properly, and at the right settings for you.

[mat422]

Going back to two loops was the right call. Starting to wonder if the 4 loops was an attempt at self sabotage. I'll probably stick exclusively with 2 loops as I don't think I need anything more.

After my depressive episode I started thinking more about how I can make it in this world. I used to think that I had an aversion to so many jobs because it wasn't a passion. But now I see the true underlying reason is fear. Fear of mistakes, failure, fear of not measuring up to the smart label I've gotten all my life, fear of criticism, etc. The reasoning of it not being my passion was just a clever resistance tactic to make me believe something better was out there, but it got to a point where my focus narrowed so much and I cut off all possibilities. And after I did that it was like this paralyzing feeling of having nowhere to go, nothing to do, every decision felt wrong. So instead of deciding on something and going for it I just collapsed inward on myself and fell apart.

This is the point where I'm seeing what's been hidden from me. And I'm realizing that a lot of this was inaccessible to me or every time I stumbled upon it it was quickly masked with something else. Part of me is grateful for what DMSI is doing and this tech and another part of me is thinking where the hell I would be right now if not for the subs. Seriously, it's scary to think what my life would be without them.

[mat422]

At work today and somehow the topic of discussion got onto how many times we've gotten laid in our life. So I just threw up a big fat 0 and my coworkers were shocked lol. They thought I pulled crazy amounts of girls. So yeah, where's the virgin club at? Cuz that's me. In all honesty I don't really care anymore. I used to be really afraid what girls would think if I was a virgin or other guys at 26 but it doesn't bother me now.

I think it's a combination of being afraid of getting intimate with women and also having relatively high standards. Like some guys will have sex with any type of girl just to get off. I was never like that. I probably had a few opportunities when I was younger but was either blind to it or didn't find myself attracted to her so I didn't go through with it.

But now my coworkers are all saying they need to find me a girl lol. So who knows, something might pop up in the near future. All I know is right now I'm still fighting with that resistance that's telling me I don't have time for women or that I have no interest in them. I know it's not true, it's just a clever tactic to hide behind the fear.

[kalmah0804]

At work today and somehow the topic of discussion got onto how many times we've gotten laid in our life. So I just threw up a big fat 0 and my coworkers were shocked lol. They thought I pulled crazy amounts of girls. So yeah, where's the virgin club at? Cuz that's me. In all honesty I don't really care anymore. I used to be really afraid what girls would think if I was a virgin or other guys at 26 but it doesn't bother me now.

I think it's a combination of being afraid of getting intimate with women and also having relatively high standards. Like some guys will have sex with any type of girl just to get off. I was never like that. I probably had a few opportunities when I was younger but was either blind to it or didn't find myself attracted to her so I didn't go through with it.

But now my coworkers are all saying they need to find me a girl lol. So who knows, something might pop up in the near future. All I know is right now I'm still fighting with that resistance that's telling me I don't have time for women or that I have no interest in them. I know it's not true, it's just a clever tactic to hide behind the fear.

I only lost my virginity just a few short months ago. Pussy is extremely overrated. There are much more worthwhile pursuits you could be going after that could probably coincidentally get you laid. I literally felt zero difference when I had sex. Actually, I probably felt worse--like I had wasted so much energy in my life upset or feeling hopeless over the fact that I hadn't had sex.

I realize this is kind of just gonna go in one ear and out the other, but once you get laid you'll quickly realize what a big timesink it can be (unless, of course, it's with a really special girl).

[mat422]

At work today and somehow the topic of discussion got onto how many times we've gotten laid in our life. So I just threw up a big fat 0 and my coworkers were shocked lol. They thought I pulled crazy amounts of girls. So yeah, where's the virgin club at? Cuz that's me. In all honesty I don't really care anymore. I used to be really afraid what girls would think if I was a virgin or other guys at 26 but it doesn't bother me now.

I think it's a combination of being afraid of getting intimate with women and also having relatively high standards. Like some guys will have sex with any type of girl just to get off. I was never like that. I probably had a few opportunities when I was younger but was either blind to it or didn't find myself attracted to her so I didn't go through with it.

But now my coworkers are all saying they need to find me a girl lol. So who knows, something might pop up in the near future. All I know is right now I'm still fighting with that resistance that's telling me I don't have time for women or that I have no interest in them. I know it's not true, it's just a clever tactic to hide behind the fear.

I only lost my virginity just a few short months ago. Pussy is extremely overrated. There are much more worthwhile pursuits you could be going after that could probably coincidentally get you laid. I literally felt zero difference when I had sex. Actually, I probably felt worse--like I had wasted so much energy in my life upset or feeling hopeless over the fact that I hadn't had sex.

I realize this is kind of just gonna go in one ear and out the other, but once you get laid you'll quickly realize what a big timesink it can be (unless, of course, it's with a really special girl).

To be honest it already seems like a huge timesink. I'm so wrapped up in my music anyway. I guess that's part of why I ran DMSI, it was a weak point of mine and I just wanted to strengthen it a bit. I really just want the choice of taking the opportunities or not. Right now it kind of feels like I'm avoiding it, so even if there are opportunities I don't go for it. Also I want to break this idea that sex needs some kind of deep emotional connection. I think that's a huge problem for me. I'm sure sex can be an emotional experience, but it doesn't have to be strictly tied to that. People often say casual sex is bad or damaging, but I think it's more like the guilt and shame surrounding it is damaging rather than the act itself.

[Shannon]

Realistically, not all pussy is equal. There's pussy out there that is completely unimpressive and there's "Golden Pussy" and everything in between. You can't judge all of it on one woman's offering. It matters how she is compatible with you, to what degree and why. It matters how you are connected and bonded, and to what degree. It matters why you are having sex, and how and where. It matters what her emotional state is and why she's having sex with you. It matters how aroused she is and how in love with you she is. It matters if she wants to get pregnant or just have sex for pleasure or if she's just trying to have fun or find love or get off or...

There are a LOT of variables. Not even a single given woman feels the same from session to session. If you don't have the right level of compatibility, trust, intimacy, relaxation, connection, etc. it's not going to be as good as it could have been.

You find yourself the Golden Pussy, though... and you'll find out why millions of generations have been looking for it. And you will probably spend the rest of your life trying to get more.

In my experience, the best sex happens when I have either a woman who triggers and is equally triggered by my animal reproductive instincts, or I am with a woman who understands and values sex the same way I do.

I've had lovers who were so incompatible that I couldn't even get off, and potential lovers I didn't even get hard for, and I have had lovers so compatible and so skilled that I had orgasms that literally ejected me from my body as a result.

Virgins and those new to this experience won't understand that. You need either experience or someone with experience explaining it. So don't try to find excuses to hide from it... just because one guy didn't have a great experience. It's out there.

[mat422]

As always Shannon I appreciate the input. I guess I still have some things to work through. Feels like I'm in denial about a lot of things surrounding sex that I'd rather get rid of.

[mat422]

Feels like I've been pulling up crap from my past/negative beliefs and throwing them in a giant bag slung across my shoulder and all I want to do is just drop it and move on. But something feels like it's stopping me. They aren't as buried and subconscious anymore, but they are still stuck with me. It feels like I have to make a blind leap of faith to get into this new reality. The more I've grown the more I've realized I don't even really know myself. I thought I did. But it turns out I was so enclosed in this prison I created for myself because of being afraid of other people I never grew really. I was just a reflection of what other people wanted to see. So now I need to spend more time truly finding myself instead of running away. My whole life has been nothing but a form of self preservation by getting people to approve of me. As much as I would like to think that I've been a bold authentic person through my life, I haven't. I've been so reserved and hidden I can't even find myself anymore except in brief moments where I allow my true self through.