11-29-2017, 06:59 PM
One thing I am really starting to learn about myself and positivity/negative plus the obsessive type of ruminating I think you and I both share is that it always stems from a sense of negative self-perception. Whether you want to call that a lack of self-worth, self-love, self-validation or self-esteem or whatever, it all stems from the same place.
Ultimately, when you take a look at the things that make you feel alone or worthless or like a total reject and failure, you'll notice that you have intense desires for these things to not be that way. Deep down, you feel alone and like a failure because you truly believe you have been like that your whole life, or at least for the most longstanding recent part of it.
It doesn't have to be that way. It takes a special type of concentrated effort to get to this place, but the fact of the matter is that the things that you desire, when you feel like you don't have them, that in turn makes you feel horrible and depressed and worthless, they're just that--they're desires. They're not *needs*, though, and that's an important distinction, and something to really be able to appreciate.
You don't need to be an alpha male, or have a great social life, or a great sex/romantic life, or a great career to be fulfilled, happy, content, or peaceful. You've convinced yourself that those things will make you happy over the course of many years of feeling the opposite of those things. But these are not needs. The only thing you actually need to live your life is food, shelter, and water. If you can let go of all of your past, any thoughts about your future, and all of the feelings of lacking or *needing* things in your present, you'll begin to realize that the only reason you're really unhappy and continuing to cycle back into that is because you subconsciously let yourself remain in that state. Your past, your *needs* (and by needs I mean things like girls, love, sex, social proof, your dreams to have a great career in music), and your future are all completely interchangeable. You can consciously let go of all of your negative senses and emotions about the past, let go of all of your senses of these *needs*, and not worry about the future. What will be will be. Life is a spiritual journey and you only get one. You don't need a career in music and you don't need to be loved by beautiful women to feel content and peaceful with yourself. Your past haunts you and controls your subconscious, and you're now convinced that you need the things that subs like AM and DMSI offer you are means to finding contentment woth yourself and true, inner happiness---but there are so many rich alpha male palyboy celebrities who "have it all" and are still just as fucked up inside and horribly depressed and unhappy as you are today.
The solution to my sources of unhappiness in the past few weeks has been to consciously let go of my self-narrative. The ideas and perceptions I've placed upon myself because of the past are simply a narrative--Kalmah is a "character", but I can mentally choose to ignore and let go of the negative feelings of my past and remind myself daily that I actually don't need anything or anyone to find a source of peace, contentment, and inner happiness. Realizing that i felt like I NEEDED the approval of women, higher value men, and society at large, and realizing that I felt like I NEEDED to become an award winning millionaire screenwriter really changed my self-perception.
You are not defined by the things you have in your life, whether they be your car, your possessions, your girlfriend, or your job. You are not defined by success, by how other people seem to perceive you, or by your past transgressions and traumas. You are not defined by how well you are likely to do in the future, whether or not you will succeed or fail, or anything else.
If you can truly let go of your past, and re-frame your self-perception by eliminating all the negative feelings associated with your past, as well as eliminating all feelings of intense need or desire or longing for certain integral things in your life to make you happy, you will find inner peace and contentment. And from there, the journey can begin anew, perhaps towards music and women, perhaps towards a completely different place entirely.
The subs do a lot of heavy lifting, but utlimately, the rest is up to you, and by that, I mean your conscious self. Let go of all of the negativity from your past and your current sense of self, let go of any desires or needs you feel to solve your problems or fears, and let go of any sense of control or need to dictate your future. Live in the present and experience the moment, and don't destroy yourself over things you simply cannot control, past, present, or future.
Ultimately, when you take a look at the things that make you feel alone or worthless or like a total reject and failure, you'll notice that you have intense desires for these things to not be that way. Deep down, you feel alone and like a failure because you truly believe you have been like that your whole life, or at least for the most longstanding recent part of it.
It doesn't have to be that way. It takes a special type of concentrated effort to get to this place, but the fact of the matter is that the things that you desire, when you feel like you don't have them, that in turn makes you feel horrible and depressed and worthless, they're just that--they're desires. They're not *needs*, though, and that's an important distinction, and something to really be able to appreciate.
You don't need to be an alpha male, or have a great social life, or a great sex/romantic life, or a great career to be fulfilled, happy, content, or peaceful. You've convinced yourself that those things will make you happy over the course of many years of feeling the opposite of those things. But these are not needs. The only thing you actually need to live your life is food, shelter, and water. If you can let go of all of your past, any thoughts about your future, and all of the feelings of lacking or *needing* things in your present, you'll begin to realize that the only reason you're really unhappy and continuing to cycle back into that is because you subconsciously let yourself remain in that state. Your past, your *needs* (and by needs I mean things like girls, love, sex, social proof, your dreams to have a great career in music), and your future are all completely interchangeable. You can consciously let go of all of your negative senses and emotions about the past, let go of all of your senses of these *needs*, and not worry about the future. What will be will be. Life is a spiritual journey and you only get one. You don't need a career in music and you don't need to be loved by beautiful women to feel content and peaceful with yourself. Your past haunts you and controls your subconscious, and you're now convinced that you need the things that subs like AM and DMSI offer you are means to finding contentment woth yourself and true, inner happiness---but there are so many rich alpha male palyboy celebrities who "have it all" and are still just as fucked up inside and horribly depressed and unhappy as you are today.
The solution to my sources of unhappiness in the past few weeks has been to consciously let go of my self-narrative. The ideas and perceptions I've placed upon myself because of the past are simply a narrative--Kalmah is a "character", but I can mentally choose to ignore and let go of the negative feelings of my past and remind myself daily that I actually don't need anything or anyone to find a source of peace, contentment, and inner happiness. Realizing that i felt like I NEEDED the approval of women, higher value men, and society at large, and realizing that I felt like I NEEDED to become an award winning millionaire screenwriter really changed my self-perception.
You are not defined by the things you have in your life, whether they be your car, your possessions, your girlfriend, or your job. You are not defined by success, by how other people seem to perceive you, or by your past transgressions and traumas. You are not defined by how well you are likely to do in the future, whether or not you will succeed or fail, or anything else.
If you can truly let go of your past, and re-frame your self-perception by eliminating all the negative feelings associated with your past, as well as eliminating all feelings of intense need or desire or longing for certain integral things in your life to make you happy, you will find inner peace and contentment. And from there, the journey can begin anew, perhaps towards music and women, perhaps towards a completely different place entirely.
The subs do a lot of heavy lifting, but utlimately, the rest is up to you, and by that, I mean your conscious self. Let go of all of the negativity from your past and your current sense of self, let go of any desires or needs you feel to solve your problems or fears, and let go of any sense of control or need to dictate your future. Live in the present and experience the moment, and don't destroy yourself over things you simply cannot control, past, present, or future.
Like snowfall, you cry a silent storm
Your tears paint rivers on this oaken wall. . .
-- Agalloch, The Mantle
Your tears paint rivers on this oaken wall. . .
-- Agalloch, The Mantle
