11-24-2017, 02:09 PM
Sitting here listening to one of my latest tracks and it's something I can be happy with, which hasn't happened in a long time. And it got me thinking about a few things.
I've been afraid of challenging myself for a long time now. It's what has stagnated my whole life. If something doesn't come easy to me I get anxiety and I avoid it. That's not how you grow or advance as a person. Being too afraid to face challenges hurts me in a lot of ways. I give up too easily. And on top of that I take my own challenges I come across as indications that I'm a failure as a person because I always think to myself "I should be able to do this, everyone else can".
Avoidance is dangerous. You get deeper and deeper into it. The less you try, the more you start comparing yourself to people who do and the worse you start to feel as you realize you're so far behind. And it's not an illusion. You do fall behind and it takes a ton of compassion and understanding for yourself not to beat yourself up. I'm lucky, I didn't mess up my life horribly and continue down that path of avoidance. But I did do some damage that I need to heal from. And some days it's like looking up at a huge mountain I have to scale and wanting to just give up entirely.
But pressing on, having that determination to continue to move forward in the face of perceived overwhelming odds. That's been the one thing in my life that has saved me. DMSI has strengthened that in me and I'm hoping it can continue to carry me forward.
I've been afraid of challenging myself for a long time now. It's what has stagnated my whole life. If something doesn't come easy to me I get anxiety and I avoid it. That's not how you grow or advance as a person. Being too afraid to face challenges hurts me in a lot of ways. I give up too easily. And on top of that I take my own challenges I come across as indications that I'm a failure as a person because I always think to myself "I should be able to do this, everyone else can".
Avoidance is dangerous. You get deeper and deeper into it. The less you try, the more you start comparing yourself to people who do and the worse you start to feel as you realize you're so far behind. And it's not an illusion. You do fall behind and it takes a ton of compassion and understanding for yourself not to beat yourself up. I'm lucky, I didn't mess up my life horribly and continue down that path of avoidance. But I did do some damage that I need to heal from. And some days it's like looking up at a huge mountain I have to scale and wanting to just give up entirely.
But pressing on, having that determination to continue to move forward in the face of perceived overwhelming odds. That's been the one thing in my life that has saved me. DMSI has strengthened that in me and I'm hoping it can continue to carry me forward.
INFP
