11-18-2017, 07:26 AM
I've been highly neurotic all my life. I don't even know what the hell I deal with anymore. I can be highly obsessive as well, but not in the traditional OCD way with physical manifestations and rituals. Apparently there's a subtype of OCD that only has to deal with obsessions, stuff like perfectionism and ruminating endlessly on negative thoughts and feelings is thought to be linked to this. Then there's the anxiety and depression and all that other shit. I swear it feels like less of living with a disorder and living with a personality that generates a cluster of all these messed up attributes. So I sit there and just ask myself "where the fuck do I even begin?" Self love and compassion is definitely a start, but when that doesn't work sometimes it can feel like I'm screwed.
Lately I feel like I'm not actually doing as much healing as I thought I was. I kept thinking all the dark cycles, the mood swings, the suicidal thoughts, was just purging and I had to go through it. Now I think that was just me getting stuck in it. If healing is from A -->B---->C, it seems like I'm getting stuck at B for an unnecessary length of time. Ideally the goal is to smoothly transition from A-->C and minimize as much time spent dwelling in B because B is not the goal.
Anyway it feels like until I get past this B point I won't have my freedom. And I've realized that most people are slaves in life just going on the path they were told to get on. An article I read related to that. https://medium.com/21st-century-career/w...8e8c6d2583
I don't want to be a slave anymore. I want to make my own decisions and live a life I'm happy with.
Lately I feel like I'm not actually doing as much healing as I thought I was. I kept thinking all the dark cycles, the mood swings, the suicidal thoughts, was just purging and I had to go through it. Now I think that was just me getting stuck in it. If healing is from A -->B---->C, it seems like I'm getting stuck at B for an unnecessary length of time. Ideally the goal is to smoothly transition from A-->C and minimize as much time spent dwelling in B because B is not the goal.
Anyway it feels like until I get past this B point I won't have my freedom. And I've realized that most people are slaves in life just going on the path they were told to get on. An article I read related to that. https://medium.com/21st-century-career/w...8e8c6d2583
I don't want to be a slave anymore. I want to make my own decisions and live a life I'm happy with.
INFP
