11-16-2017, 10:25 AM
It's honestly less about past trauma and probably more about neurosis and shit. If you suffer from any type of mental disabilities or mood disorders of any kind, these subs seem to be a million times more difficult to run and process. I know with my OCD sometimes the subs can be nightmarish of their own rights, and when they trigger something deeply traumatic and long-forgotten or buried, it can be like I'm living in eternal hell for quite some time.
But learning to find value and worth within yourself regardless of external factors is the first step towards finding some inner peace and tranquillity. I know from my experience in the last 3 months or so that once I recognized that I placed too much of my own self-worth, self-validity, and self-esteem on external factors, instead of actually trying to find it from within myself, I was able to undergo that journey. Now that I've found some baseline of self-worth and self-validity within myself, I'm so much more generally confident, open, and relaxed... I just feel free. There are definitely times where I revert back to my old self, especially with women, which is the only real department in my life where I feel helpless because I have basically no positive memories or experiences to lean back on, but those things will work themselves out, too.
The important thing is, no matter who you are, what you do, how much you make or who loves you, you have to learn to love yourself, especially when things are really bad, and learn to be more kind, understanding, compassionate and forgiving to yourself through thick and thin. This will lead to higher sense of self-worth, self-validity, and self-confidence. There will definitely be things in the external world that you really, really want, like a great job opportunity or an amazing woman, and when you fail to achieve these things, you will most certainly come crashing down again, but being able to bounce back more quickly with self-compasson and self-forgiveness will lead to quickly re-establishing that baseline self-esteem and confidence, and as you grow through more loss and failure, and bounce back more and more quickly, you will become an entirely new person, just as I am in the process of becoming, and the subs will only work more quickly and more effectively on you the better you nail down that skill of self-compassion and re-building up your sense of self-worth and self-validation after your ego gets busted down by rejection or failure.
But learning to find value and worth within yourself regardless of external factors is the first step towards finding some inner peace and tranquillity. I know from my experience in the last 3 months or so that once I recognized that I placed too much of my own self-worth, self-validity, and self-esteem on external factors, instead of actually trying to find it from within myself, I was able to undergo that journey. Now that I've found some baseline of self-worth and self-validity within myself, I'm so much more generally confident, open, and relaxed... I just feel free. There are definitely times where I revert back to my old self, especially with women, which is the only real department in my life where I feel helpless because I have basically no positive memories or experiences to lean back on, but those things will work themselves out, too.
The important thing is, no matter who you are, what you do, how much you make or who loves you, you have to learn to love yourself, especially when things are really bad, and learn to be more kind, understanding, compassionate and forgiving to yourself through thick and thin. This will lead to higher sense of self-worth, self-validity, and self-confidence. There will definitely be things in the external world that you really, really want, like a great job opportunity or an amazing woman, and when you fail to achieve these things, you will most certainly come crashing down again, but being able to bounce back more quickly with self-compasson and self-forgiveness will lead to quickly re-establishing that baseline self-esteem and confidence, and as you grow through more loss and failure, and bounce back more and more quickly, you will become an entirely new person, just as I am in the process of becoming, and the subs will only work more quickly and more effectively on you the better you nail down that skill of self-compassion and re-building up your sense of self-worth and self-validation after your ego gets busted down by rejection or failure.
Like snowfall, you cry a silent storm
Your tears paint rivers on this oaken wall. . .
-- Agalloch, The Mantle
Your tears paint rivers on this oaken wall. . .
-- Agalloch, The Mantle
