09-14-2017, 02:09 PM
I need to be more grateful for what I have. Being grateful doesn't mean I have to settle or accept life as "good enough". It just means I take the time to appreciate what I do have on my search for greater things. I've been in such a low mood these past few days because my new job has taken me away from my music. But I got irrationally angry and upset and just dug into everything that sucks instead of taking the time to be grateful I have a full time job now and I'm gaining experience. Life could be a hell of a lot worse for me than it is now and I'm only making myself more miserable by constantly ruminating on the negative.
I guess there's a part of me that fears being happy, as ridiculous as that sounds. I worry that if I'm happy and content I'll start slacking and stop pushing for my goals. But then that raises the question. What's fueling these goals? A desire to reach them? Or insecurities I still hold onto? What am I looking to gain by attaining these things? Happiness I guess, but that seems like a trap in a way. If I can't be happy with what I have right now, how can I ever be happy with what I have in the future?
It's funny as the more I heal and clear the real motivations show themselves and as those dissolve it leaves this blank feeling of "what the hell do I do now?" It's so ingrained in my head that I have to be or do more than what's normal. I can't tell if that's my desire or my way of compensating for the fact I have low self worth and feel like I need to prove something to the world.
But definitely going to be practicing more gratitude from now on.
Also relevant track.
I guess there's a part of me that fears being happy, as ridiculous as that sounds. I worry that if I'm happy and content I'll start slacking and stop pushing for my goals. But then that raises the question. What's fueling these goals? A desire to reach them? Or insecurities I still hold onto? What am I looking to gain by attaining these things? Happiness I guess, but that seems like a trap in a way. If I can't be happy with what I have right now, how can I ever be happy with what I have in the future?
It's funny as the more I heal and clear the real motivations show themselves and as those dissolve it leaves this blank feeling of "what the hell do I do now?" It's so ingrained in my head that I have to be or do more than what's normal. I can't tell if that's my desire or my way of compensating for the fact I have low self worth and feel like I need to prove something to the world.
But definitely going to be practicing more gratitude from now on.
Also relevant track.
INFP
