08-25-2017, 02:03 PM
After getting back on 4 loops I've been having some realizations. I lack good connections with people, not just women. I have trouble getting into a flow state unless I really trust someone. Most of my mental energy seems to go into analyzing people and strategizing what I'm going to say instead of just saying it. All of it is a way to prevent some perceived outcome that I'd consider undesirable.
At this point it just feels like I keep isolating myself to avoid the things I fear, but it makes me deeply unhappy. And I keep making the mistake of thinking I just need to close myself off and wait till the healing makes me good enough.
I think the worst thing I ever did was convince myself that I'm better off on my own and to refuse opening up to people. I can't live like this anymore and I want to change it.
At this point it just feels like I keep isolating myself to avoid the things I fear, but it makes me deeply unhappy. And I keep making the mistake of thinking I just need to close myself off and wait till the healing makes me good enough.
I think the worst thing I ever did was convince myself that I'm better off on my own and to refuse opening up to people. I can't live like this anymore and I want to change it.
