08-15-2017, 02:20 PM
Loops up to 5 now. I laid down last night and told myself I'm done resisting. Yeah I'm afraid but I realized it's more frightening to be controlled by fear than to keep pushing and make my life better. All this emotional baggage is falling away from me and I realize now how much fear kept it in place. I'm not 100 percent there yet but I'm learning to loosen up my death grip of control and let the subconscious steer more. There's immense power there, I can feel it.
Going to be starting a new job soon in IT. Full time, getting that much needed foot in the door. DMSI is making my life come together in a way that feels like a dream. A few years ago I never would have believed I could do this. It's only 14 hr but once I have this on my resume it'll be a hell of a lot easier to land jobs in the future.
With the emotional crap being released my music is coming together more too. Feels like if I keep going I'll eventually get to where I want.
There is this fear though I'm trying to purge. It's this fear that things aren't going to get better and I'll slide back into my old ways. Like ongoing success is a fantasy and eventually my luck will run out. It's a messed up belief and I can see how it causes me anxiety. Just living a life I'm happy with, I've spent so many years miserable I don't even know what that is.
Going to be starting a new job soon in IT. Full time, getting that much needed foot in the door. DMSI is making my life come together in a way that feels like a dream. A few years ago I never would have believed I could do this. It's only 14 hr but once I have this on my resume it'll be a hell of a lot easier to land jobs in the future.
With the emotional crap being released my music is coming together more too. Feels like if I keep going I'll eventually get to where I want.
There is this fear though I'm trying to purge. It's this fear that things aren't going to get better and I'll slide back into my old ways. Like ongoing success is a fantasy and eventually my luck will run out. It's a messed up belief and I can see how it causes me anxiety. Just living a life I'm happy with, I've spent so many years miserable I don't even know what that is.
