07-30-2017, 01:14 PM
(07-29-2017, 08:10 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote:(07-29-2017, 07:33 AM)mat422 Wrote: Been a while since I've done one of these, but here goes. Just need to get some stuff off my chest and vent a little.
As I found myself reading the shadow work book I thought about the millions of other books on the market. I've thought about the books I've read. I've thought about the people's lives who miraculously changed. And I thought about my life that stayed the same and probably thousands of others who didn't get results. So it makes me think some of these people think they know more than they actually do. I thought about all the people out there in the world who can barely do their own jobs, but are somewhat delusional in how excellent they are. Then it got me thinking I'm sure the same exists in the self help community. Then I realized it's like the blind leading the blind.
This is something I've been wrestling with lately. How people don't know much, but they say they do. I guess it's a self-esteem "maintanence" behavior, or pride, or saving face, but it's true: most people know shit.
And, advise given to your unique situation can't possibly cover everything. Because only you know you.
So I take it all with a grain of salt, and go with what works.
More and more I'm trying to focus on getting results, not on "doing the right thing". What gets results IS the right thing, but there are many ways to get results. Some better than others.
It's a fine line. Like I've said before, sometimes we have defense mechanism that aren't readily apparent to us. So in my case I can have a tendency to dismiss stuff or think I know better when I don't. It all seems like one big crapshoot at times. It's the most frustrating thing for me. It seems like I'm so open minded I believe everything or I'm so closed off I stick to my narrow perspective. Black and white thinking. My mind has so many twist and turns to it I don't know what to believe anymore.
Got in my car today and told myself the next song that comes up on my phone has a lesson to teach me. So I hit shuffle and this is the track that played.
The message is about racism. But it's not limited to that. It's about denial, keeping the darker aspects of ourselves hidden and denying them. All the while crafting elaborate stories to protect our own egos from the truth.
For me this goes back to my perfectionism. It's a direct result of holding the internal belief that I'm not good enough. My whole life has been dedicated to proving that wrong by trying to be great at everything I do and never accepting anything less. Also being incredibly judgemental of imperfections in others.
The most difficult thing has been staying with that inner wound and acknowledging it to heal it. Because the perfectionist in me says I'm overthinking it, I'm just making excuses, that it can't be me because I'm as emotionally healthy as I could possibly be. All thoughts fueled by the need to be perfect and get me to avoid accepting the truth.
It's funny because prior to this I held the belief that too much digging was pointless. But I think as I got closer to my core issues my mind started creating distractions to pull me away from it. I don't think you can ever dig too deep. If anything I didn't dig deep enough. To me I consider an issue healed when your outer life reflects how you want your life to be. Otherwise you'll just keep running into the same issues until you get your internal beliefs sorted out. No more of this, I'm healed so why is my life still a mess? Nope, my life is a reflection of my inner world.