07-27-2017, 06:29 PM
Well either 4 loops is doing my brain in or I'm manifesting resistance in very noticeable ways. Lost my keys today in my house. Spent a good 20 minutes searching and they ended up in one of my bottom drawers where I keep a bunch of computer stuff. I don't remember putting them in there or if they fell. It was like they completely vanished. Then later on that day I locked my keys in my car and had to call AAA.
But the good news is I have a job interview this monday for an IT position. The fear is at an all time high and I'm doing my best to just visualize everything going smoothly and landing the job. I realized that I sabotage myself a lot by insisting I can't or shooting myself down before I even try. Lately with this shadow work I've been healing aspects of myself and becoming ok with the more negative parts of me. But it was also a bit of a copout because I didn't focus enough on improving those aspects and accepting the possibility I could be more than what I limit myself to.
I tell myself a lot of things that I take for fact when I shouldn't. One of my biggest problems is believing that the negative is somehow more realistic than the positive. I have a very poor perception of myself I need to change. You know your own self esteem is bad when you think being positive and acknowledging your strengths feels like you are being delusional. That's how strong these beliefs are that I need to break. Every time I've tried to change my mindset in the past I was met with that inner voice that said "You're just lying to yourself, look how pathetic you are trying to thing highly of yourself, you're nothing but a loser". But this time I'm not going to listen to that voice and give into it, I'm going to keep going.
But the good news is I have a job interview this monday for an IT position. The fear is at an all time high and I'm doing my best to just visualize everything going smoothly and landing the job. I realized that I sabotage myself a lot by insisting I can't or shooting myself down before I even try. Lately with this shadow work I've been healing aspects of myself and becoming ok with the more negative parts of me. But it was also a bit of a copout because I didn't focus enough on improving those aspects and accepting the possibility I could be more than what I limit myself to.
I tell myself a lot of things that I take for fact when I shouldn't. One of my biggest problems is believing that the negative is somehow more realistic than the positive. I have a very poor perception of myself I need to change. You know your own self esteem is bad when you think being positive and acknowledging your strengths feels like you are being delusional. That's how strong these beliefs are that I need to break. Every time I've tried to change my mindset in the past I was met with that inner voice that said "You're just lying to yourself, look how pathetic you are trying to thing highly of yourself, you're nothing but a loser". But this time I'm not going to listen to that voice and give into it, I'm going to keep going.
