07-26-2017, 11:51 AM
So decided to message a girl I saw on okcupid. Got a response back, but sensed disinterest. But the thing that felt good was I didn't really care. For the first time in my life I was interested and just went for it. And when it didn't work out instead of feeling like a terrible person I just acknowledged not everyone will like me and that's fine. It's more empowering coming to terms with that fact than trying to turn myself into this universally attractive and desirable guy. Less pressure, less need to be anything other than myself, and less need for a certain outcome to be achieved.
That being said it feels like I had a huge leap in growth overnight but I still feel there's stuff I'm struggling with. Still afraid of getting attention from women and being sexy. I can feel myself sort of holding back. Probably still parts of myself I'm ashamed of that I need to integrate and embrace so I no longer fear other people seeing them. But overall it feels like I'm more whole right now and I can just be for the time being without being bothered by that anxiety of needing to be something better.
That being said it feels like I had a huge leap in growth overnight but I still feel there's stuff I'm struggling with. Still afraid of getting attention from women and being sexy. I can feel myself sort of holding back. Probably still parts of myself I'm ashamed of that I need to integrate and embrace so I no longer fear other people seeing them. But overall it feels like I'm more whole right now and I can just be for the time being without being bothered by that anxiety of needing to be something better.
