07-16-2017, 05:32 PM
Feels like I've been pulling up crap from my past/negative beliefs and throwing them in a giant bag slung across my shoulder and all I want to do is just drop it and move on. But something feels like it's stopping me. They aren't as buried and subconscious anymore, but they are still stuck with me. It feels like I have to make a blind leap of faith to get into this new reality. The more I've grown the more I've realized I don't even really know myself. I thought I did. But it turns out I was so enclosed in this prison I created for myself because of being afraid of other people I never grew really. I was just a reflection of what other people wanted to see. So now I need to spend more time truly finding myself instead of running away. My whole life has been nothing but a form of self preservation by getting people to approve of me. As much as I would like to think that I've been a bold authentic person through my life, I haven't. I've been so reserved and hidden I can't even find myself anymore except in brief moments where I allow my true self through.
