In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A

[kalmah0804]

Hitting rock bottom here. Pretty much cried myself to sleep last night. I'm 26 years old now and I just had the painful realization that I lost 10 years of my life to all this ***** depression and anxiety. It hurts knowing I'll never get those moments back.

I'm trying to be positive and it's hard. Before I wrote this post I had several others creating a narrative of being a depressed **** up that did nothing but bring me down further. I want to be better, to be happy, but part of me doesn't believe it's even possible. And it's hard because every day I have this feeling that I can't do anything right or I'm not good enough to do anything. I see that belief, I see that it's wrong and it's holding me back, but I can't get to it or change it. The only thing I can do is use willpower to bypass it, but I can't keep living my life like that for two reasons. One, my willpower runs out and when that happens it's even more dangerous because then the negative belief gets free reign to sabotage my life and two it's not permanent change so I'll always have to keep on top of it and to me that's a terrible solution.

I don't know what's worse being completely ignorant of your shortcomings or seeing them and having them manipulate you like a slave while you are unable to do anything.

This post cut through me like a knife. Turning 26 soon also and I feel like my whole life I've been too ***** up inside to move forward and accomplish or achieve anything.

Wish I knew or could show you how to get out of it. I read a lot about other people dealing with similar stuff. We're not alone. Unfortunately nobody really has an answer either. I think it might be an INFP thing. It's a combination of really feeling like I don't fit in with how most of the world works/what's valued and also underestimating my own abilities and constantly fearing the worst. Put those two together and you get fear preventing yourself from moving forward but also a complete lack of motivation for striving for the thing society seems to value the most above all else, money.

I'm hoping DMSI bulldozes through this. If not I might just have to drop it and seek professional help from a hypnotherapist. I feel like this is the resistance popping up, but I don't know. It's hard to tell. It feels like these negative beliefs are being closely guarded and prevented from being removed despite all my efforts.

I will say that I grew past a lot of these feelings (especially feeling fitting in with most of the world and such) during my time on DMSI-A, although much more on 3.01 than on 3.1. If I hadn't had a complete mental breakdown and become borderline psychotic, I think I would have bulldozed through and been in a much better place. Keep on going with 3.1. Eager to see if you attain any better results than I do.