07-13-2017, 08:18 AM
Hitting rock bottom here. Pretty much cried myself to sleep last night. I'm 26 years old now and I just had the painful realization that I lost 10 years of my life to all this bullshit depression and anxiety. It hurts knowing I'll never get those moments back.
I'm trying to be positive and it's hard. Before I wrote this post I had several others creating a narrative of being a depressed fuck up that did nothing but bring me down further. I want to be better, to be happy, but part of me doesn't believe it's even possible. And it's hard because every day I have this feeling that I can't do anything right or I'm not good enough to do anything. I see that belief, I see that it's wrong and it's holding me back, but I can't get to it or change it. The only thing I can do is use willpower to bypass it, but I can't keep living my life like that for two reasons. One, my willpower runs out and when that happens it's even more dangerous because then the negative belief gets free reign to sabotage my life and two it's not permanent change so I'll always have to keep on top of it and to me that's a terrible solution.
I don't know what's worse being completely ignorant of your shortcomings or seeing them and having them manipulate you like a slave while you are unable to do anything.
I'm trying to be positive and it's hard. Before I wrote this post I had several others creating a narrative of being a depressed fuck up that did nothing but bring me down further. I want to be better, to be happy, but part of me doesn't believe it's even possible. And it's hard because every day I have this feeling that I can't do anything right or I'm not good enough to do anything. I see that belief, I see that it's wrong and it's holding me back, but I can't get to it or change it. The only thing I can do is use willpower to bypass it, but I can't keep living my life like that for two reasons. One, my willpower runs out and when that happens it's even more dangerous because then the negative belief gets free reign to sabotage my life and two it's not permanent change so I'll always have to keep on top of it and to me that's a terrible solution.
I don't know what's worse being completely ignorant of your shortcomings or seeing them and having them manipulate you like a slave while you are unable to do anything.
