Ike's AM 5.0 Journey

[brightike]

Stage 6, Day 14

Getting myself out in public more lately. Have gone to an outdoor pool two days in a row. I can tell that I wasn't as vigilant/committed as I should have been back in January when I started. Maybe it's just that I have a ****ton of emotional garbage. I'm still leaning back toward BIABW.... Oh summer short shorts and bikini-tops how I love you. I realize that I don't share a lot of the positives.

I work at a restaurant and I've been told that I need to be more compassionate when telling people what to do. The new girls (that I haven't worked with for 2 or more months aka pre-AM core programming stages) say that it's that I don't "put up with girls whiny ****" I had a girl who I used to be stupid attracted to contact me at 130 am for a booty call. Didn't go (not typical). To then telling her that we had to just be friends because she is a user of people and that I would not help her (I wS the sweep in to save the day nice guy before).

I used to require a boss's approval when I worked a job. Don't care now. If I do a good job the. I know it and I don't need a pat on the head. Some other people may not find me funny, but I think I'm hilarious and people that I hit it off with have a great time with me.

I couldn't get past the intro parts of friendships and now I'm actively building a wide friend base with many different groups in my city.

[FREAK4LIFE]

Stage 6, Day 14

Getting myself out in public more lately. Have gone to an outdoor pool two days in a row. I can tell that I wasn't as vigilant/committed as I should have been back in January when I started. Maybe it's just that I have a ****ton of emotional garbage. I'm still leaning back toward BIABW.... Oh summer short shorts and bikini-tops how I love you. I realize that I don't share a lot of the positives.

I work at a restaurant and I've been told that I need to be more compassionate when telling people what to do. The new girls (that I haven't worked with for 2 or more months aka pre-AM core programming stages) say that it's that I don't "put up with girls whiny ****" I had a girl who I used to be stupid attracted to contact me at 130 am for a booty call. Didn't go (not typical). To then telling her that we had to just be friends because she is a user of people and that I would not help her (I wS the sweep in to save the day nice guy before).

I used to require a boss's approval when I worked a job. Don't care now. If I do a good job the. I know it and I don't need a pat on the head. Some other people may not find me funny, but I think I'm hilarious and people that I hit it off with have a great time with me.

I couldn't get past the intro parts of friendships and now I'm actively building a wide friend base with many different groups in my city.

hey, could you elaborate a bit more about how your conversation with that girl went after you told her, she is a user of people?

I want to know how you handled it and the back and forth exchanges that took place because I was in a similar situation a few years ago and that just turned to crap instead of me just handling it.

[brightike]

I wrote a long story and my ipad died before I posted. With that said it basically boiled down to her not arguing with me, but accepting my terms of her never calling me for a booty call unless we develop that kind of relationship. Her understanding that I will not be attracted to her from this point on no matter what happens and I will treat her as such. That I will treat her as a utilitarian person until she tries to develop a friendship with me, etc.

I'm going to expand on this a little more as I don't think that I really answered your question FREAK4LIFE. The following morning after that booty call I texted her to see if she wanted to hangout. I believed that this would progress. When I met up with her she wasn't wearing a bra so her nipples were poking out and then she stone walled me. She said that she never has sex or does anything unless she is drunk. Also that the text message "I'm lonely and horny" wasn't really an offer for anything. I called her bullshit on this and she changed her story when I repeated her text message. We did breakfast together and as we spent a bit of time together I noticed that she was checking her phone at regular intervals and I asked her what was up. Ten min convo later, she had brought me up to speed about the dude that hadn't called her in three days that she had been seeing (unbeknowest to me). I changed the subject a few times and she brought it back. I got up to leave and she said "leaving cuz I won't **** you?" That's where the conversation turned to her being utilitarian and how we were laying in boundaries. With all of this said I have since realized that if I was as messed about it as she was, drunk outta my skull (she doesn't do it any other way) and I had a "sure bet" I would probably go for it too.

[brightike]

Stage 6, Day 20,

Today was a dark day. I woke up lonely as hell, Fapped to porn twice (not really what I want, but usually it's a quick fix for a bad mood... fapping I mean) felt like I was in a crappy place all day. Listening to STC was a challenge when I know that there are things like ASC, PTPA, Let go of the past, love yourself, etc. I still ended up finishing everything, but my family and friends are worried because I don't do bad days. They are rare and when they come they flood my thoughts and threaten to capsize me. I really want to stop STC and start PTPA, but I don't know if it will make anything better. Tomorrow will be a better day.

[brightike]

Apparently I have a counting problem. Stage 6 Day 25,

The last few days are a blur. I've quit my job as a server and started back as a tradesman. With straight time and bankers hours I make double what I made as a server. Managed to stay the course with STC. Thank goodness. Want a girl, but without all the games and bull. Just enjoying the ride.... No expectations, no worries

[brightike]

Stage 6, Day 26,

I have had the feeling of being lost all day today. I love watching movies by myself, but today I was at the theatre and didn't want to watch anything, all my favourite places to go and relax were fruitless I felt restless everywhere I went. Is this STC or part of my AM journey? I'm leaning away from BIABW and more toward AM6 after reading Shannon's definition of what an AM is in another journal. I don't need a woman. Just need to validate myself, but fuck would it be nice to have a trustworthy circle of friends.

[JackOfHearts]

You might want to read this before making your choice, it's old but still relevant.
http://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Shanno...86#pid6586

[brightike]

You might want to read this before making your choice, it's old but still relevant.
http://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Shanno...86#pid6586

Very true. Great food for thought.

[brightike]

Stage 6, Day 27,

As it draws to a close I. Will very much miss AM5.0 and all that it has changed and done. Using Shannon's definition of an AM I have gauged all day and a touch yesterday about whether or not I'm close to the ascendant Alpha who can walk in and take command of a room. Alas I could do it with violence and fear, maybe even without for a short while. So at the very least I will be running AM6.0 in the next 3-6 months. I'm taking maniac360's research into account and allowing AM5 to settle so that the foundation that AM6.0 will build on will be a lot firmer.

I know that I need to go back to a foundational sub like PTPA because I think that is where all my neg stuff wins. OGSF isn't the problem. I'm just flat out negative in my thought patterns. We'll see. 5 days left.


Edit : Side note - just got told that I'm looking better lately. Like I've lost weight. I'm heavier than I have been in 3 months by 5 lbs. It's the AM aura baby. LOVE IT!

[brightike]

Stage 6 Day 28,

Girls are looking at me a lot today. I had a smoking hot girl triple check me out on the way by. I will be running BIABW/PTPA which I think will be a kick ass combination based on their descriptions and the fact that PTPA will help me grow my foundation before moving back into AM6.0 in a few months. I'll be using NSFM as a booster for the 1-4 hour bursts it suggests. I'm going to wait until the tiredness subsides that usually hits me on a modification of a sub or when I start a new one. I'm really hoping that PTPA/BIABW don't affect AM5 too much because I love this sub and what it's done for me! I'm going to document my starting point so much better this time. For everything from this point out.

Edit: I looked back at my journals and holy crap... who was that dude that used my words. Even two weeks ago. I feel like I'm king of the world. I withdraw my "holes that AM5 didn't patch comment" I'm still a huge work in progress, but I wouldn't even recognize that or want to fix it without AM5. Today I rocked life... It was nuts! STC finally kicked in today which was awesome too btw. Something that was a boat anchor in my life got finished today.

[brightike]

And that's a wrap folks. All finished this morning. BIABW/? Tonight. I loaded my ipod w/ DAOS as the secondary, but I think that I might need to go with letting go of past relationships, trust people, PTPA, Carpe Diem. On the flip side, I just remembered something that a friend told me today about feeling negative and feeling like their life wasn't moving forward until they started keeping a gratefulness journal, which they have now been doing since 2000. It changed their life and got them moving forward out of their head (where we all attack ourselves from). Instead of changing subs I'm going to journal the things I'm grateful for.


I suppose I should do a final wrap up. I like how I've seen this done, so I'm going to copy this:

Have let go of any negative self image, attitudes, thoughts and beliefs about yourself.
[/b]Before I couldn't look myself in the mirror and have a positive thought, let alone be naked in front of myself and proud of the MAN that I have become. That is my reality now. Not quite all neg stuff about 60% (1st run of AM 5, I'm SO fired up about AM6).

Have a powerful, positive sense of self respect, self esteem, self image and self worth.
damn rights see last bullet.

Have unshakable self confidence.
I just realized today that for the last couple weeks I've been calling myself a champ with all the shit that I have overcome. 80% Still have my days, but that is being human. Next step.... Bulletproof.... Soon

Be unaffected by rejection.
Talked to someone yesterday that ignored my existence. In my head I thought must be a bitch. 60% the women that were my friends before AM have the ability to affect me, but to a lesser degree than before.

Treat women as people to enjoy the company of, without taking them too seriously, needing them, or being easily upset by them.
Totally. Doing AM5 in a woman-dominated environment made all the difference. Didn't care if they were in a mood. About 75% for this one. Another run and I bet it would be 100%

Have released expectations towards women, which often lead to bad choices, actions, attitudes, thinking and responses.
Not on the hunt, so don't really care. 65% Often expect that women will be selfish, and serve their own needs. Think it would turn positive in time.

Be self sufficient and self reliant mentally, emotionally and otherwise.
Someone that just met me is week commented that I really enjoy being alone and that I must enjoy my own company a lot. 75-80% I think that I'm skewed though because I was co-dependant before"

No longer be, or come across to others as “needy”.
I don't know about this one as I don't feel needy, but I used to like crazy. I had a needy moment about two months ago that I wrote in my journal at length about, that was instigated by being misled by a utilitarian woman.

Take good care of yourself, your hygiene and your appearance, not just because you want to be attractive to beautiful women, but because it makes you feel good about yourself.
Took good care before. Now I'm aware of it and I feel great about it 90%.

Be able to effortlessly approach any woman you want – and the more attractive you find her, the easier it will be.
I had shit tons of trouble with this before, but now I notice that when I do decide to approach I am actually attracted to the women I talk to, so 50-70% (I still lock up if they are the women who would give me butterflies.)

Be selective about whom you spend your time with, and which women you give your time, interest and affections to.
100% if they don't add value to my life, I don't hang out with them.

Exude an aura of confidence, commanding presence and authority, which gets you respect, attention and obedience.
Nods by random men. Doesn't matter their nationality. The women that I first started working with said that I became an asshole after a couple months. The people that were new said that I wasn't an asshole. I just "didn't put up with 'girl shit'". 60% I believe that I need more humility, but people automatically listen to me and then realize they did after the fact.

Exude an aura of sexiness that makes you much more attractive to the beautiful women you encounter. The more beautiful they are, the more attracted and interested they will be.
I believe this one is inhibited by the work on my self image, but next run/BIABW/DAOS will rock that 50%

Have a Zen attitude, which keeps you calm when other guys would lose control, thus demonstrating your self control and mastery of the situation – an Alpha/dominant male trait.
People that I knew before and people that I worked with say that they don't understand why I never flip out and at the restaurant they called me The Robot because I was always awesome.65% because I still want to punch people in the face and sometimes... Maybe in their throat (just to stop them from talking)

Display graceful, confident body language, which broadcasts your power and dominance to all, but especially females (for whom body language is a very important way of communicating, and thus determining the men they are interested in).
People tell me that I look exceptionally confident, but I don't always feel it, so 60%ish.

Display the attitude, thinking, actions and speech patterns of an Alpha/Dominant Male.
I believe so, but no scale to check against. Still feel myself do beta shit sometimes like looking down if I'm intimidated 1 in 100 times, so 85-90%

No longer seek approval from others, nor be concerned with what they think of you or what you do or say.
Hi, I'm Ike and I DGAF, ever.... Except if you're reeeeeeaaallly hot... Then a bit, so 90% (Especially because this was my life before)

Be your own man, who does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, where he wants.
Pretty much, would be nice to include other people, but not there yet, so 50-60%

Be in control when dealing with women, and especially beautiful women or women you are interested in.
Wanted to wait till AM was done, so haven't actively hunted since I read about the guy that got derailed in stage 4 after getting a GF. With that said I have controlled the situation/frame especially when other people around me fail at controlling it, so 60-75%.

Be entirely unconcerned about “getting the girl” or achieving sexual interaction, which will make the ladies percieve you as higher status, higher value, and more worthy of both.
See entry about DGAF. Have had about 3-4 instances in the last month where I have not cared and have actively said no and chose to walk away.80-90%

Be easily able and willing to walk away from people and situations you don’t like, and TELL HER NO – whether it’s to her asking for sex or anything else.
See last entry. Blew a girl off for pushing for sex.Didn't think this was possible 85%

Be in complete control of yourself and your environment, and YOU will be the one who controls when, how, and with whom you have sex.
See last again. Have to be actively hunting girls that I think are hot, believe if my personal 10 said let's go I may have a problem saying no. so 50-60%

Develop and display a fantastic sense of humor, which will make you socially popular and attractive to others, especially beautiful women.
I used to weird people out with my humour because I use dry epically witty humour, now I choose when I want to weird them out and when people around me laugh. Still think there is more in there, so 50%

Be entirely comfortable in social situations of any type, whether they are familiar to you or not.
I'm comfortable most of the time, but I like to be alone in a crowd a lot, so maybe it will be different when I'm in large groups, so 60%

And do it all while being polite and graceful!
Yup, when I want to be, but not because I have to be.100%

• Acceptance of, and feelings of deservedness of, being treated well
Yup, I do 100%. If not.. I get irritated.
• Deserving respect from others
Yes and because I expect it. I get it.
• Self love and liking yourself
Totally, and looking forward to being every min of the day 50%
• Valuing yourself
See last 50%
• Extended ego balancing
I believe that I don't have enough humility, so 40-50%
• Strong, centered masculinity and masculine presence
I find men seek me out when they need to be balanced out by a strong man and people that are intimidated easily scurry, so 65-70%
• Destruction of negativity within you concerning yourself and others, and replacement with positivity
I'm going to say that this aspect had it's work cut out for it, so 40-50%.
• Self acceptance with continual striving to be better than you are
Still see the negative in myself that I want to change, so 50%
• Destruction of laziness
To a degree, but leaning to about 40% decrease
• Motivation boost
Somewhat. 50%
• Doing what needs to be done, because it needs to be done, and that is the way of the Alpha
I believe so, which allowed me to see my grandmother before she died. Something that I bailed on with my grandfather, so 75%
• Extroversion enhancement and training
When I want to be I am to the nth degree, so 75-80%
• Self forgiveness
Couldn't before. Now do for almost everything in my life, so 80%
• Social stability, skill and strength
Still balancing the strength my personality and meeting people, so for now, 50%.
• Overcome abandonment issues
Had a couple days recently, but it used to be weeks, so 40-50%
• Success training
Somewhat, it got me back into a job I didn't think I would get back into because it is a better opportunity.
• Gratitude
I'm grateful, but I feel like I did a lot on my own, so I'm grateful to Shannon for his awesome work, but other places in my life I don't give credit to.
• Self trust
This is the first time in my life I COULD trust myself, but it doesn't feel peaked, so 60%
• Self image of man, instead of boy
Without a doubt, didn't think so before. 100%
• Leadership training and development
Yes, additionally there is a desire to lead especially when the existing leader is incompetent. Can get very assertive about this 90%
• Decisiveness training
Ish, still indecisive like mad, so 35-40%
• Authenticity and congruency training
Only came into play on the last stage before people commented that my confidence didn't match how confident my body language was. Still think this is an issue, so 65%
• Destruction of jealousy and possessiveness, and replacement with self security, self reliance and self satisfaction
Pretty much, still back to the women I knew before AM. They can affect me in this, but anyone that is new can't. 50%
• Constant self growth and progress.
Without a doubt. 100%[b]

If in the next couple weeks this changes and I'm feeling different about this numbers and comments I will change them.

[adam225]

Good results ! Give it a couple more runs and you'll have all those into the high 80-90% range.