Ike's AM 5.0 Journey

[brightike]

AM 5.0, Stage 4, Last day.

So, had a nightmare last night:
I have no clue where I was, but there was a hot girl that I was attracted to that showed a lot of interest in me and we were getting along great. Attraction was building and we had touched a few times and it was almost at the point of kissing. All of a sudden this guy who is not really attractive, but the typical bad boy shows up and starts chatting this girl up (this happened quite a few times growing up). His gf who is really not attractive at all shows up and starts complaining that he is talking to this girl. Thinking that I can help this I try to talk to her about how her guy should treat her (common when I was young). The scene changes to me talking to the hot girl, but now she is different and cold. Oh and the bad boy is pissed at me because his girl is mad at him for a while, but he comes out of the situation with both girls on his arms.
I hope the sub takes me through and makes me deal with this jealousy, neediness, inadequacy crap.

On the plus, I'm excited about moving on to the next stage and then pushing on through AM5 and then on to....?

[brightike]

Day 2 AM5.0 Stage 5

Yesterday started witha bang. Zombie/nonhuman battling nightmares again. As is typical, head is warmer, brain a little sore, ultrafast processing speed, oh and tired.. Let's not forget that. These are my typicals at the beginning of a new stage or change in supplementary sub. Got talked to at work for shit that I said to the women that I work with in my stage 2/3. Word to the wise... WATCH YOUR TONGUE. Especially if you work with all girls. They don't like it when you come in and dictate and cite the rules.. Ugh/oops.. Something. Have been finding myself struggling a bit with engaging/ looking at really hot girls. GSF I believe. Off to work.

[brightike]

AM 5.0 Stage 5, Day 6

It seems longer than 4 days since my last. My mind has been getting sharper and I've been getting wittier in this stage. I've never been able to banter with a lady for any stretch of time before, but I did it all last night. VERY pleased with this as it was a ton of fun and I felt like I actually had control of the interaction with this girl. She is not my typical girl (I don't think that I have a typical anymore) Hotter than the usual smart girl that I attract, but holy goodness did she ever want to figure me out. I run people around in circles when they try to that, but I just gave her snippets here and there. It was a blast! That's it for now. feeling a little tired lately, but that's my fault. Later folks

[brightike]

After reading some journals yesterday and today I've noticed some things about myself. In the past couple months I've become more pensive. I stand up for myself more which comes across as me being and asshole. Still don't have a balance yet. I am stupid resistant to being controlled. When I went out with this girl the other day she shit tested my at least 10-20 times, so I believe that there is a bit of incongruence in my behaviour or it's the first time that I've registered them and been successful at beating them. At one point I said let's turn here. She said ok then she said actually lets walk up to the next street. Since the decision was already made I stuck to the turn and waited until she came along, but then she started shit testing me hard. She said that I give her just enough information to get her interested, but not enough to answer her questions. I'm a super huge tease and I believe I won't do this again because looking back it makes me look indecisive but I went in for a kiss, lingered for the heat and then pulled away. Then she called me a player. I was calm and I said totally, hugest player in town. I have a harem of like a hundred girls.

This exchanged continued for a bit then these asian girls walk by and I said see they are making fun of you in whatever language they speak because they are in my harem. I didn't have it in me before. I would have defended myself, denied and tried to beta my way out of it.

With that said she is a fun gal and she can sing like nobodies business (I love singers btw) so I have to make sure I'm not coming across as needy via text and such because that used to be so common a handful of months ago. I had a handle on it before AM5.0 then I wanted to connect with people so I signed back onto Faceface and then this neediness crap showed up. Now I'm distancing myself from it again apparently that has helped.

[brightike]

Stage 5 Day 8

Destroyed my headphones at work yesterday, so did ultrasonic while I slept. Normally I do trickling stream. Through me a bit, but I was bagged and had to work early. Very undecided about AM or WM next. I'm getting better with women, but very far away from where I want to be. At the same time I really need to start moving forward with my life. Further to that end, I served someone at the restaurant the other day that now wants to see me about offering me a job on monday. That should be interesting.

I'm wondering if anyone knows of a sub other than WM that will allow me to start trusting people. I'm stupid guarded and I believe that it comes across as insecure.

[Artemis]

I have a list of things I would like to do and I'm not sure how to make it all work with your subs.
OGSF
Debt Free
Seek the Challenge
BASE
WM
LLF
DAOS
ASC
AYP...
TLAM

AM6 actually includes a bunch of those like:

Develop An Aura Of Sexiness
Develop An Aura Of Commanding Authority
Develop An Aura Of Dominance
Absolute Self Confidence
Overcome Approach Anxiety For Men
Develop A Zen Attitude
Positive Thinking & Positive Attitude
Ultra Success
Deep Gratitude and Appreciation
Develop Irresistible Charisma
Enhance Your Sense Of Humor
Overcome Pornography Addiction
Overcoming The Victim Mentality
Speak Authoritatively
Overcoming Procrastination and more

[brightike]

Stage 5 day 10

Had a job interview today for commission based sales. I like to take time to process information and let my mind bring together the body language and congruency of the situation. When it was all said and done I asked the president if he had any questions for me. He said no, but I have a few gifts and that's reading people and I know that you are such an Alpha that I don't know that you can allow yourself to do this. That was huge for me cause I really don't feel alpha and a lot of the times I don't feel Alpha enough. Point for WM.

[brightike]

Stage 5 Day 13

Feels like it's been a week since I have posted to the forum. Noticing a side effect with Stage 5. I believe that it has gotten rid of my desire to read. With that said my never ending reading is typically stops me from meeting people, working on my resume, applying for jobs. I'm wondering if that is a side effect of the overcoming procrastination aspect of the script. Maybe it's just that I feel like I'm not moving forward with where my life is now.

I have turned down the sales jobs and I'm going to return to my job as a tradesman which I'm very good at, but did not feel like I was moving forward in, so did not try to get back into it over the past few months. Also been feeling a lot of neediness which in my mind has made me thing I should go for WM, but I know I should do AM.

I have huge trust issues with people and typically when I meet new people, especially in groups I feed each one of them juicy stories in my life with a different aspect of the details to each person. Then when someone asks me a question or mentions something about my past I'm able to track back who it was that said it and;
a) Use them if I want to spread information.
b) Carefully control the amount of information that I give to them.

I know Shannon is busy, so if someone else would like to chime in that would be great. Here are what I believe my options are (feel free to add/modify them)
1. WM - because of the "Opening yourself up to trust others, but not so much that you are foolish or unreasonably vulnerable." aspect of the script.
2. EPRHA
3. Overcome trust Issues/ Ultra Success 4G
4. AM6.0 - Self trust because that's where it all starts is with me.
That's it for now.

[Fonzy3]

Option 4. But to be honest I read so many of these situations on this forum about guys using AM to attract women and stop being needy. If you want some companionship or a GF just use the attraction sub then move forward.

There's no guideline on what sub you need to use first (unless it's the AM, WM, SM) combo. I would think these journeys would be a lot more pleasurable and comfortable of you had enough of what you want in your life to make you happy which is women and money. You have your entire life to use subs so make the choice that counts now.

Thanks

Fonzy

[brightike]

Thank you for that Fonzy. Appreciate the quick reply.

[brightike]

Stage 5, Day 17

I have been noticing women looking at me a lot more than ever before. I have been a little clueless when it comes to the signals that women are giving me. I also have the tendency to say awkward things that I observe about them. Stuff about their nature or their character. It freaks them out. I've been finding though that my thoughts are quicker and my tongue is slower. As in I actually have time to censor and choose what I want to say.

Also been noticing that I walk slower and that people get out of the way even if I'm slow. Additionally, people hold the door open for me and I continuously get asked if I'm a manager in the restaurant that I work in. I'm very happy being me, but I am antsy about the next step/sub and what that's going to mean to me or look like for me.

I have been having a huge predisposition to redheads lately, but I've been seeing them a lot more everywhere. I believe that this is because my self image said that I didn't deserve or couldn't get a red head. Holy putting women up on a pedestal. I've been finding flaws in a lot of the women that I meet, mostly just seeing that they are regular human beings too with their good and bad aspects. That's taken a lot of pressure off of any of the interactions that I have had with them.

I've been noticing that my diet is getting stricter. Where I could barely afford to eat before, now I'm choosing to eat less. In the last 5 months I've lost about 15-20lbs which has given me a six pack (always wanted one, accepted that I couldn't get one) and I'm fighting to maintain it. I don't go to the gym, but I do plyometrics 3 days a week and feel stronger and more balanced then I have in years.

Just need to sort this girl crap out. If I'm attracting them, but scaring them away... that's kinda a problem.....

[brightike]

Stage 5, Day 23

Basically stopped keeping in contact with the successful lawyer girl. She was really indecisive and it bothered me. She was saying a while before this that I give off negative energy. I think that I tear a woman down, but don't bring her back up again. I think that this is my problem with women, but I'm going to have to experiment for balance.

Making a decision to get another job and putting my heart into it has really cause my job search to bear fruit. Two job interviews in 4 days. I am waiting on a job offer right now. I know that I will get it.

Went through a bad patch a day or two ago. Ate a 300g bag of chips in 20min. A little bit of garbage self talk, but only if I let it gain momentum. It's easy to combat my negative self talk now. It doesn't have the staying power it used to. The girls at work are really warming uo to me now. A lot of them flirt relentlessly with me. I think they want a reaction, but I keep snubbing them in groups and flirting back one on one.

Went for wings with one of my buddys last week and he seemed a little unnerved so I said is my calmness freaking you out? He said "yeah, I'm not sure if your going to snap and kill anyone, just kidding" (I used to get furious I'd snap yell a bit and then cold fury and the madder I got the calmer I got, freaked people out) I said nah, dude, just happy with life and where I'm going. Love seeing that "James Bond effect" in action. In all this it is a little difficult to temper everything with humility and to restrain myself from just hammering people with Alpha. Next stage maybe. As always, starting to get excited about the next step. Nine Days....

[brightike]

Stage 5, day 26,

Been down on myself the last couple of days/week in regards to not having a lady or a large circle of friends. This is mostly due to the fact that I don't go out of my way to meet people or let people close to me. Also I've been so carefree that I have a lack of motivation to do anything, this has led me from ultra success, OGSF to now and finally Seek the Challenge, I'm going to ride this out to the end of my AM just incase it's a resistance issue that's making me freak out and switch. Then I will take Fonzys' suggestion and go with an attraction sub. I'm really in the air about BIABW/AOS or an AYP sub.

By now anyone who is following my journal continuously can tell that indecisiveness is a huge challenge for me. You may not believe it, but AM has made me a lot better. I used to have issues with daily decisions. Now I just have problems making decisions about my future. Money and success or women and friends.. For now I think that is the decision I'm hung on.. I have the tenacity and know the right people that are wiling to help me to follow in their footsteps. But... I love women.... And long tem want to get married and have a brood that will take over the world.

[brightike]

Stage 5, Day 27,

Started talking to people out of the blue yesterday and just as fast as the garbage came into my head it was gone. I've been worlds more engaging with people today. Actually friendly and such. I slept with speakers for the first time in months and really enjoyed now much more focused I felt this morning. I have figured out and committed to what I'm going to do next. I have already purchased BIATBW and DAOS. Found out today that I am, on average, only attracted to about 1-2 girls in 40. That might be my problem... Not enough ladies that I'm attracted to cross my path. Looking forward to the next step of the journey.