I know I'm not alone--avoiding success

[findingme]

I'm going in circles again with my subliminal use, making success unattainable. I am in need of some accountability as to which way I should/could go...for every time I'm close to an intended goal, I tend to pull away from it. So it never happens. This is a lifelong habit. And going alone means goals do NOT get done.

About a week back I stopped DMSI 3.2 while on B. On both A and B I felt like my emotions were constantly restricted--I felt locked up, and call it resistance, but it scared me. I've always been motivated (or NOT) by my emotions. I desired some emotional freedom, and DMSI made me feel like I was in some emotional jail. It was difficult to summon known emotional states, or even emotional memories.

When I began working with what worked well (my thinking), I looked up MLS 5.5 again, and began daydreaming. Anti-procrastination, increased desire to learn and read, fears of failure and success neutralized.......I got pumped on that thinking, and in a couple of days I began MLS with no down time off of DMSI. I was nervous since new reactions and changes on MLS are unclear since "is it MLS, or DMSI?" I had some feelings come up this morning while running MLS, and not knowing if it was old negative beliefs being pulled up or if it was an overload reaction, I stopped the MLS track 3 loops in.

A pattern I've been seeing is that I've wanted it all NOW. I've been reliant on the "thrill" factor, or the "feels good" factor.

I feel I'm contradicting myself bigtime now since........I've had an awareness this morning that whether it's E2, DMSI, or MLS now, when I get close to my goal, this scares the S*** out of me, and I have run. Many times. I even began MLS since it says it'll neutralize the fear of failure and success. Maybe that's what's coming up--my long time habit of running away from the consequences of success, the many possibilities I've imagined through the years (all bad) to keep me from succeeding, growing, or possibly....getting hurt.

This may be wuss behaviour, but F that. Yes, I've felt inferior. Playing small was always safest. I'm just trying to own my s*** and seek another way. That takes courage.

What also takes courage is me saying "how can I move forward and be kinder to myself? How do I give myself a break?"

Hiding has always been wuss behavior, in my eyes. That's why I'm telling on myself. Being nice to me seems lost when I fail. It makes me feel unworthy and all the stuff closer to "poor me" attitudes. All that's present, so I'm writing. Thank you for reading.

[mat422]

Hey man, for what it's worth I know what you're going through. You just have to buckle down though and tell yourself you're doing it. Run DMSI A or E2, but stay consistent. That's all you have to do. Hit that play button every night and keep going. Honestly I'd go with DMSI A, and experiment with the loops. Up it by one a week, just push it, don't question it too much.

That emotional jail you've felt just sounds like fear. Your mind will come up with the most ridiculous reasons for not running the sub and you have to ignore ALL of them. It sounds like your subconscious didn't want to let go of past memories and emotional states, so it convinced you that what DMSI was doing was bad in some way. This is the sneaky stuff that happens. It'll be framed as being in your best interest, some powerful insight that will help you move forward (when in actuality it holds you back), and your mind telling you there's some better way that you're not seeing.

I've been through it all man and the only answer is to stop ruminating on it and keep pushing. You won't find the answers on this forum, trust me. I know how scary success and change can be, but it's all just excuses. And I'm not saying it's as simple as deciding to change, hell no. It's bumpy, lots of ups and downs. But these barriers aren't unbreakable, as long as you keep trying you'll improve. If you need someone to hold you accountable I'm always a PM away.

And you're not a wuss. I've hid all my life and it's because we've been saddled with shit most other people never experience. But you can choose to get better. Start by telling yourself none of this is your fault and you promise to do everything within your capabilities to get better. Being kinder to yourself is about realizing that it doesn't matter what you deal with as long as you promise yourself to get better for yourself. Not to overcome being a wuss, not to seem more confident to others, just solely for you. Do it because you want to lead a better happier life and you deserve it.

[Bliss]

Mat422 is right. It's fear.

I've been in your shoes, in some ways I still am, but I've become clearer on how to create the change I'm looking for. Eliminate the fear. I've used many subs before, all the good ones too, and now I'm back on Overcoming Fear 4G (a masterpiece of tough love by the way),and I'm noticing change, real growth.

Eliminate the fear. The sex, the success, it will all come in due time. That's my advice to you based on my own experience man.

[Zane]

I have been going through the same. U can read in my post as I was jumping from MLS-5.5G to DMSI like a monkey. Thinking that it will fix my issues,but I realized I am doing this out of fear.. Change is never easy my friend.. Its okay to feel confused like this but thats okay and don't be hard on urself.. Cause in the end we all know it was a fear..

With this subliminal journey u wull learn alot about urself and ur subconscious and u will get good at understanding urself... Don't worry..

[findingme]

Fear. F***. Fear has dominated my life as long as I can remember. I went on Bliss' OF journal a half hour ago, and since I began DMSI A hybrid (1 loop), I could definitely connect here: I don't know who I am anymore. My mind shifts away from fear--in fact, my entrepreneurial drive kicked backed up minutes ago. But......a truthful whine: I am scared of imagined "bad" things.

I can tell the jail I was in before was a big fear web. "Hang on For DEAR LIFE!!!"
Continuing on that vein, even me writing while listening is difficult since the anti-fear messages are playing 5.5 speed. I've always written from mostly fear-based stories and thoughts in my head, me writing hoping I'd impress or motivate someone else. And take the focus off of me. Connecting again, I've been seeing myself (in my head) doing stand-up for people at work. True story here--a worker I worked with from another shop showed up this week. He had done stand-up comedy in a lot of big clubs (even for his work crew on occasion), giving it up professionally since he married a few years back. He showed up in our shop this week! I asked if he was still doing stand-up, he's still doing gigs on the weekends, and our conversation grew from there. It was a weird coincidence since I'd been thinking of past discussions we'd had on his stand-up experiences.

I brought this up since I'd known people vying for attention in classrooms with comedy (something I've never done myself), but being in many 12 step rooms I learned most were scared to death a lot of times just to speak up. Comedy was an easy outlet, so it came out. I'm not thinking I'll do stand-up, but I enjoy imagining me stepping out of my fear. I've been looking for funny truths I could throw in. I'd never even thought of this before.

But...who am I? I used to live a small, safe life. It was doable.......but no, it wasn't. Me being safe meant I didn't talk with you much, didn't look at you much, and I'd feel emotional pain after knowing I didn't share honestly (share ME) in normal conversation. So, I'd have a regret happen, and the next day I'd often try to steer away from said person so I'd not sit in fear once again. THIS became my life, affecting everyone from my mom to the girls I saw in a grocery store or a gas station. ("Story of my Life" has been playing in my head too). Fear created lies, lies created regret and shame, and fear and shame worked hand in hand for years to "protect" me.

I'm on A. It just finished, while writing. Weeks back I did 2-4 loops thinking more would make it better. It was fear talking, saying I'd be better emotionally if I did more. BS! 4 hours of a drill sargeant didn't help. It just kept me in fear. I'll stick with one. Fear's a liar.

[Shannon]

Or maybe you didn't do enough to break through. Maybe 4 was not enough for you.

[findingme]

Or maybe you didn't do enough to break through. Maybe 4 was not enough for you.

I'd come onto DMSI for A initially, but I read about a few tiring out on multiple loops of A. I could start 2 to see effects. I'd try more if not for my job presently.

Could you give a possible timeline model with loop amounts for breaking through? Thank you for sharing your insight.

[Shannon]

Or maybe you didn't do enough to break through. Maybe 4 was not enough for you.

I'd come onto DMSI for A initially, but I read about a few tiring out on multiple loops of A. I could start 2 to see effects. I'd try more if not for my job presently.

Could you give a possible timeline model with loop amounts for breaking through? Thank you for sharing your insight.

Lot of guys are finding 7 loops works well to break through. It doesn't seem to take very long at 7 loops, but everyone is different. I suggest at least a month at 7 loops doing standard ASRB.

[findingme]

Frick!

I just set up a 7 loop run of A on TS hybrid flac, and am running it now.

Will see

[findingme]

Question: I'm assuming you meant 7 loops of A. I hadn't specified before. Was this on A or B, or does it matter much? A (I'm thinking) has more punch, so I'd like to know.

[findingme]

I'd thought 7 loops would have knocked me out. I actually feel really good. Tons of OGSF in it definitely had an effect, plus SE.

Sidenote: yesterday, after reading Bliss' reply here, I read his OF journal, and I realized....I own OGSF 5G--it was my first IML sub. Knowing fear was my hangup, I put it on trickling stream. I listened for maybe 4 hours. But after only an hour, I decided to go shopping. I actually was smiling and unusually happy while walking around with no apparent reason! This morning, I feel almost the same. Yay for lots of OGSF!

Thanks Shannon. I'll keep going and see what changes

[Shannon]

Question: I'm assuming you meant 7 loops of A. I hadn't specified before. Was this on A or B, or does it matter much? A (I'm thinking) has more punch, so I'd like to know.

7 loops of whatever you were doing before going to 7 loops.

[findingme]

I'm taking this back to my DMSI thread. A lot is surfacing on 7 loops.

[Greenduck]

Face stuff head on. Realize that you don't have any option if you want to get out of it, but through. That is some hardcore stuff to do, but it's one thing that have helped me. To not try to go around it, but face the music, whatever it is. Feel what you feel. Be who you are. Follow your inner guidance, how weird/terrifying it is. I assure you, it's not as dangerous as you may feel it is. You are not going to die or kill someone, you may upset someone at it's worst, but you need to face yourself to get out of the sticky icky place you are in.

If you would disregard any consequenses and I would ask you - how do you feel? Why do you feel like this? What would be your gut-answer? Go with that.

Subliminals will not heal you. Or even take you out of the hole you may be in. Or save you from yourself. The same goes for a psychologist. Only you can do that. Until you realize that you remain a victim.

I get the sense from your writing that you may need support to do so. Go meet someone. Talk things out. Be REALLY honest with what you feel and build from that. Reading about other people and their thoughts will not help you, you have your problems which need to be spitted out by _you_. Comparison is just wasting time, and will not take you closer you _you_. Because when you found you, you don't fear anymore. You go head on.