Guy's UMS Journal

[guyinlahore]

Until you get past whatever fear is holding you back, you will notice a cycle of action that repeats.  In your case, it appears to be starting a new business instead of achieving the goal with the current one, and possibly spending money on stuff that isn't necessary.  Possibly because that might not be the issue we think it is.

Ultimately, you have to sit and figure out exactly why you want to start another business instead of follow through on the one you have.  Drill down and find the real reason behind it.  Don't give up and don't start a new one; figure out why you have this cycle and break it.

@Shannon I have thought about this and tried to find the reason. I can pinpoint to the following:-

Possible Reason 1:-    In my childhood I was on top of my class in the school in all areas. Then something bad happened and I began to associate it to my success in the school. It was not true , but I thought it was due to that. My grades came down and over the years in my life, in every course / class I have to push it and get going, otherwise I fall back. This might still be in my subconscious mind that if I succeed, bad will happen to me. I know that because I have been very scared in my life on many occasions of change. It felt like my existence would finish due to the change (whatever it was). I still sometimes feel this fear. In my previous business, I have sabotaged my success several times. I feel scared to move forward or do something once things start moving. My all business are online. In one of the business, things started to move in positive direction. I kept thinking to renew my domain and in the end failed to renew my domain and it got expired. I lost all my rankings and all earnings. When I started again, I never regained the same results again. Its like in my mind, the action items get hidden somehow. Its like they become covered in fog and I cannot see them until it is too late.

Possible Reason 2:- In my childhood, we were not well to do. My parents could not afford to buy me toys. We were told we could not afford it. Now I am in the same situation. I am much better now, but in comparison, there is never enough. My parents have seem some of their known person get very poor due to some reason. They always told us to be thankful for whatever we have and not try to have too big goals and aim to be rich. I know it is not the right thinking but this is what I have thought all my life and try to save money instead of trying to move upward.

Possible Reason 3:-   Due to that childhood incident, I had suffered from low self esteem for a very long time. Even now sometimes when I think of talking to my boss for a raise, million reasons come in my mind telling me that I do not deserve it and what will happen if I get exposed. Whenever I get something for free, I always feel that I do not deserve  it.

The spending nowadays is a bit unusual. I have been more of a miser all my life rather than wasting money. You can say that my investment choices were not very correct, but I still manage to save somewhat. Secondly my income level is very low. 

I think I might be sub consciously afraid to succeed due to fear of bad happening, low self esteem, non deserving feelings and fear of losing myself.