11-18-2019, 04:28 PM
I'm becoming vividly aware of how often and how much I've avoided relationships with people. I was seeing it all day at work, and even when I got home.
At break time with my driver today, we stopped, and within minutes, another driver came by and socialized with us. I'm aware I'd been on my feet for 4 hours, so after 10 minutes with them, I walked away to go sit in the truck. In the past, I'd have sat down first, using any excuse to validate my choice. But some lies to myself seemed to be not be so powerful today. I chose to talk with the driver a number of times today, while seeking to be aware of what he needed too. I had a good day at work, and my actions definitely played an active part.
Then, upon coming home, I managed to hit a full cardboard box out for pickup while turning in my driveway. I'd spun my tire, which caught the box, and papers were all over the road. My next door neighbor, who I've been uncomfortable around since he's extremely lonely and always giving unsought solutions, came out with a rake, and he helped me clean up the mess with me. I was more filled with appreciation for his company and assistance in this. He had willingly helped me, and I valued his company.
I'm not sure what this shows, but it is a change in me. I had good relationships today, and I enjoyed being interactive and honest with both. I even shared my present financial setup with my driver, sharing how my mind has been daydreaming a lot lately vs. being glued to the job. Since this guy is about 5 years from retirement, he could definitely relate.
At break time with my driver today, we stopped, and within minutes, another driver came by and socialized with us. I'm aware I'd been on my feet for 4 hours, so after 10 minutes with them, I walked away to go sit in the truck. In the past, I'd have sat down first, using any excuse to validate my choice. But some lies to myself seemed to be not be so powerful today. I chose to talk with the driver a number of times today, while seeking to be aware of what he needed too. I had a good day at work, and my actions definitely played an active part.
Then, upon coming home, I managed to hit a full cardboard box out for pickup while turning in my driveway. I'd spun my tire, which caught the box, and papers were all over the road. My next door neighbor, who I've been uncomfortable around since he's extremely lonely and always giving unsought solutions, came out with a rake, and he helped me clean up the mess with me. I was more filled with appreciation for his company and assistance in this. He had willingly helped me, and I valued his company.
I'm not sure what this shows, but it is a change in me. I had good relationships today, and I enjoyed being interactive and honest with both. I even shared my present financial setup with my driver, sharing how my mind has been daydreaming a lot lately vs. being glued to the job. Since this guy is about 5 years from retirement, he could definitely relate.
I want to be FREE!
