07-02-2020, 04:35 AM
Something I noticed yesterday, and this morning while waking up: my norm is off, but not in a bad way. Yesterday I arrived at work but chose not to hang around the timeclock like I could have done. I was feeling dizzy from some bug I've had, so I walked the grounds, thinking it'd pass. When I left by orders from the head boss, I realized I never even clocked in. How much fear have I held on to?
This morning, though I stayed home, I still notice that absence (and even dislike) of that fearful mindset. This sub is doing something very deep.
No headaches, no sleeplessness......and I'm feeling happy that fear is going away so smoothly.
One key thing I have noticed: I'm dreaming. As long as I've used subs, I've never had the dreams some share about. One significant dream I had maybe 10 years ago I remember, and one dream when I used OGSF 5G a few nights maybe 2 years back. I dreamed of my present head boss ordering me to do something, and I'm seeing now how I've repressed all of me to have him not reject me. Fear has held me back from being aware of this. But I had multiple dreams last night revealing fears I've held on to. I'm also starting to notice when I've been dreaming upon waking up, which is new for me.
Last thing (just came up): I've been afraid of being myself here in my journals, and that's the EXACT fear I've used with my boss. I read through this post, and an old fear and habit of correcting my wording came up, all aimed at me avoiding rejection. However, me trying to "understand and dissect" my thinking just ain't working. It seems contrary to the scripting (old motivations were all fear-based). Fears rise up and OF demolishes them without me doing a thing. This is GREAT.
I am running my hybrid loops presently. Things are definitely changing.
This morning, though I stayed home, I still notice that absence (and even dislike) of that fearful mindset. This sub is doing something very deep.
No headaches, no sleeplessness......and I'm feeling happy that fear is going away so smoothly.
One key thing I have noticed: I'm dreaming. As long as I've used subs, I've never had the dreams some share about. One significant dream I had maybe 10 years ago I remember, and one dream when I used OGSF 5G a few nights maybe 2 years back. I dreamed of my present head boss ordering me to do something, and I'm seeing now how I've repressed all of me to have him not reject me. Fear has held me back from being aware of this. But I had multiple dreams last night revealing fears I've held on to. I'm also starting to notice when I've been dreaming upon waking up, which is new for me.
Last thing (just came up): I've been afraid of being myself here in my journals, and that's the EXACT fear I've used with my boss. I read through this post, and an old fear and habit of correcting my wording came up, all aimed at me avoiding rejection. However, me trying to "understand and dissect" my thinking just ain't working. It seems contrary to the scripting (old motivations were all fear-based). Fears rise up and OF demolishes them without me doing a thing. This is GREAT.
I am running my hybrid loops presently. Things are definitely changing.
I want to be FREE!
