F*CKIN' DMSI!!!! (a DMSI v3.0.1b Tale)

[chaosvrgn]

Weird resistance this morning.

I've got an odd headache, a weird aching in my neck that feels... kinda pleasurable, and it feels like my SOUL is sad. Like it's yearning for something it'll never have. You know that feeling of unrequited love? Yeah, that's it.

Thanks to the emotional shield, it's not slowing me down TOO much. I can always tell when something's being cleared because I have a hard time crafting sentences. Which sucks, because I'm about to spend the majority of my workday on writing copy for my Kindle product. Still, with some caffeine, a bunch of drugs and some hope... and I might just survive.

Boxing went really well. She took my rejection / non-rejection much better than I thought. Of course, now I'm second guessing myself. I'm thinking... "man, she'd look really good naked." But still, gotta stay strong and focused on business right now. No monogamous relationships until at least April of next year.

[Shannon]

A good woman has her pride, yanno.

[Cozy]

A good woman has her pride, yanno.

noo

[KingDavid93]

Hey Chaos,

When you mention rage based resistance, do you feel that it's directed towards a particular person or thing, or is it just blind rage and you feel anger towards everything/everyone equally?

[chaosvrgn]

Depends. Sometimes, like today, I'm just in an overall bad mood. Other times, it's at specific people. Sometimes, it's at specific incidents and not necessarily the person that caused the incident. Today, I'm just in annoyed mood and I'm staying out of people's way. Or... rather, keeping them out of my way.

[KingDavid93]

What do you believe can be interpreted from repeated anger/rage directed towards the same person, thing or event?

[chaosvrgn]

What do you believe can be interpreted from repeated anger/rage directed towards the same person, thing or event?

From what I understand, that person has either wounded you deeply, or is associated with some kind of deep seated trauma. I have feelings of rage toward a certain individual -- my first boss -- that pops up every time I'm in the middle of a healing cycle (that's what I call the rather rhythmic cycle of resistance and days of normalcy that I experience).

I've had two runs of AM6 and months of DMSI and I STILL can't let what he did to me go. In fact, it's the main reason why I decided to become an entrepreneur. And in fact, I recently had a potential deal go south because the individual reminded me so much of my old boss that I had a very visceral reaction to the situation and pretty much just backed out without hesitation.

In some ways, holding on that to that rage has helped me. Because, I am making decent money online and I'm going to expand that significantly over the next few months. On the flipside, it's holding me back because I'm literally turning things down when I encounter people that remind me of him.

On another note, people like him irritate the hell out of me and I wouldn't work them anyway, but still. There's a better way to deal with it than shut down.

[KingDavid93]

Pretty insightful thank you

[apollolux]

I feel the most reliable way to consciously and rationally let things go with new people who remind of earlier people is to realize "they are not the earlier people even if they share a couple of traits" and remind myself of this fact.

At my neighborhood Starbucks the other day (I think Monday evening), for example, a girl who looked a lot like my first ex was there and ordered; if I hadn't developed discipline from motivational sources like subs I would have had butterflies-in-my-stomach levels of nervousness around her, but instead I gave her a seductive stare, said hello, and she looked down and visibly smiled and blushed. She was a smooth chocolate-caramel complexion and I knew I had affected her because the blushing on her cheeks was extremely visible, and if I still had hang-ups about my ex I wouldn't have been able to do that.

[chaosvrgn]

I am so exhausted and totally on edge.

I've thrown everything I could at this exhaustion. Unholy amounts of caffeine. Adrafinil. Eaten an extreme amount of food to feed the aura. Still exhausted. Still depressed.

I suspect something deep's being cleared out. I can't really see what it is due to the emotional shield, but I have a slight idea...

If it is what I THINK it is, the pain is well worth enduring.

[chaosvrgn]

Near unbearable resistance today. The most painful tension / resistance migraine I've ever experienced. I've thrown all kinds of medicine at it. Barely helped. If any of you are in the south, know this: I've thrown two Goody powders at it -- and I mean at the exact same time. No dice.

Beneath the headache -- rage, pain, suffering. Suicidal ideation (different from suicidal thoughts). An unwillingness to proceed with DMSI. Subconscious trying to get me to go back on BASE 4g, or even to purchase SM3.

I've been unable to work today. I have a product launch on Tuesday and now I'm f*cking behind. I don't want to post pone this because I want to go into 2017 strong. I'm currently moving out of my backstudio and I'm looking at a cheap mobile home to hop into, or a nice, small apartment in the countryside. Don't want to be in the middle of the city, but not so far that I'm isolated. I want to cut my bills down to a minimum so I can focus on extreme expansion next year.

So yeah. I better feel like a f*cking GOD tomorrow after all this pain.

[apollolux]

When Goody doesn't get rid of your headache, you know something's happening.

[chaosvrgn]

Resistance passed. Was getting tons of IOIs, including some very blatant ones from the boxing coach's daughter (she invited me over for Christmas).

Gonna do something crazy and bold and give v3b a whirl. I have an official "in school match" tomorrow against a big dude with a solid jab. He's older though, and I have more agility and better footwork. My strategy is going to be to circle him and frustrate him with my faster jab and when he starts to chase, use my superior footwork to stay just out of range. In other words, I'm simply going to outbox him rather than slug it out.

Would love the extra confidence and energy that DMSI gives. Downloading the hybrid now.

[wolverine_i_am]

You weren't on the hybrid all this time?