04-19-2015, 02:36 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-19-2015, 03:42 AM by passion flower.)
I was debating between (starting with):
ASC -- I actually did and changed to EPRHA after the first three days, realizing it's not the "confidence" I need right now but forgiving things? Releasing things? Putting them in the right place/context (past, or someone else's opinion, not my own)? So, --->
EPRHA -- this is what I did in the end
AF -- a possible follow-up after this, but at the moment I don't have the funds. Actually I do have the funds if I really want this. But I think it's probably better after a housecleaning. Thinking about it. But a more likely sequence is something like EPRHA - LTU - ASC - break - EPRHA - AF. I keep telling myself that I have all the time of the universe. LOL
and, uhm, this would have been the fake route, the one trying to treat the visible imperfection (according to whom? Question to myself) thinking it's the cause:
Breast enlargement set. I almost bought it, thinking it would be the magic cure.
I've been humiliated countless times as a female because of my body ever since 13 or so. Anyway, I think that while it would be nice to grow a bit there, the real problem is the shame and self-hatred built up and the lack of confidence as I am, not how exactly I look. If I were to go with that now, the motivation would be to get accepted by others finally, not because I think it would be cool.
Actually it's quite comfy to be on the smaller side; pity that I associate this with "not being a proper female" if I make sense. Like, I'm some kind of a mistake. Heck, I'm six feet tall. My shoulders are wider than my hips... don't get me started...
But where does that feeling of not being a proper female come from? Certainly not from me; I didn't feel that way about me before the reoccurring shaming. But to get others' approval.. just stupid. I shouldn't. Self-validation is the way, not even more reliance on what others think of me. I'm worth more than that and I look whatever I look. I'm a good friend. I listen. I care. I'm loyal. I motivate. I'm passionate. I inspire people. I challenge people to make an effort to get better at stuff. I have friends I got to do push-ups and their confidence is growing! What boobs?!
So I try to cure the real issue, not just scratch the surface, like, grow larger boobs then go for a boob lift due to gravity. Argh. It's difficult to be a female in this world. People really want us to be perfect. Well, d@mn those people!
To be re-evaluated when I have a clearer picture of me; how much of my self-image is actually coming from me (and what things I really want to change, if any) and how much is conditioning and internalizing others' ****.
ASC -- I actually did and changed to EPRHA after the first three days, realizing it's not the "confidence" I need right now but forgiving things? Releasing things? Putting them in the right place/context (past, or someone else's opinion, not my own)? So, --->
EPRHA -- this is what I did in the end
AF -- a possible follow-up after this, but at the moment I don't have the funds. Actually I do have the funds if I really want this. But I think it's probably better after a housecleaning. Thinking about it. But a more likely sequence is something like EPRHA - LTU - ASC - break - EPRHA - AF. I keep telling myself that I have all the time of the universe. LOL
and, uhm, this would have been the fake route, the one trying to treat the visible imperfection (according to whom? Question to myself) thinking it's the cause:
Breast enlargement set. I almost bought it, thinking it would be the magic cure.
I've been humiliated countless times as a female because of my body ever since 13 or so. Anyway, I think that while it would be nice to grow a bit there, the real problem is the shame and self-hatred built up and the lack of confidence as I am, not how exactly I look. If I were to go with that now, the motivation would be to get accepted by others finally, not because I think it would be cool.
Actually it's quite comfy to be on the smaller side; pity that I associate this with "not being a proper female" if I make sense. Like, I'm some kind of a mistake. Heck, I'm six feet tall. My shoulders are wider than my hips... don't get me started...
But where does that feeling of not being a proper female come from? Certainly not from me; I didn't feel that way about me before the reoccurring shaming. But to get others' approval.. just stupid. I shouldn't. Self-validation is the way, not even more reliance on what others think of me. I'm worth more than that and I look whatever I look. I'm a good friend. I listen. I care. I'm loyal. I motivate. I'm passionate. I inspire people. I challenge people to make an effort to get better at stuff. I have friends I got to do push-ups and their confidence is growing! What boobs?!
So I try to cure the real issue, not just scratch the surface, like, grow larger boobs then go for a boob lift due to gravity. Argh. It's difficult to be a female in this world. People really want us to be perfect. Well, d@mn those people!
To be re-evaluated when I have a clearer picture of me; how much of my self-image is actually coming from me (and what things I really want to change, if any) and how much is conditioning and internalizing others' ****.
