10-06-2015, 08:26 AM
Read that list I made and I was definitely in a downswing that day. It pretty much was just me beating myself up for my shortcomings, which never does any good. So far I think listening with earbuds at night is helping. I woke up this morning and felt that list I made was just unnecessary negativity and I don't need it in order to make changes in my life.
Do I have a lot of work to do? Yeah. Do I frequently avoid it? Definitely. But that's my fault. I can't throw the blame on some untouchable part of my mind and abandon all responsibility. Sometimes I use the subconscious mind as a scapegoat to avoid facing these things. But I need to remember I have more control than I think, even if it doesn't feel like it at times.
I'm constantly battling with the thought in the back of my head that things will never get better. It's a crappy feeling to have. It pretty much promotes the attitude of why bother. And when I come up short in efforts to get better there's still a bad habit of being too hard on myself.
It's a careful balance. Too easy on myself and I'm not disciplined enough and fall back into my shell. Too hard on myself and nothing gets done, and I feel worse.
Most of all I can't give in to those negative thoughts. They aren't the truth no matter how badly I believe them to be.
Do I have a lot of work to do? Yeah. Do I frequently avoid it? Definitely. But that's my fault. I can't throw the blame on some untouchable part of my mind and abandon all responsibility. Sometimes I use the subconscious mind as a scapegoat to avoid facing these things. But I need to remember I have more control than I think, even if it doesn't feel like it at times.
I'm constantly battling with the thought in the back of my head that things will never get better. It's a crappy feeling to have. It pretty much promotes the attitude of why bother. And when I come up short in efforts to get better there's still a bad habit of being too hard on myself.
It's a careful balance. Too easy on myself and I'm not disciplined enough and fall back into my shell. Too hard on myself and nothing gets done, and I feel worse.
Most of all I can't give in to those negative thoughts. They aren't the truth no matter how badly I believe them to be.
