05-27-2015, 05:16 PM
Something that's embarrassing for me to admit but needs to be said. I have a tendency to ignore problems. For example I'm currently unemployed and what would be the reasonable mature thing to do? Get a job. But for me it's like dragging a kid kicking and screaming. The crappy part is I'm giving myself more anxiety by avoiding the very thing that will give me financial stability.
So I took a good hard look at things the other day and I realized there's still a lot of anxiety and fear surrounding these things. But I pushed it out of my awareness by kind of making a bubble for myself. At least when you're feeling anxiety you can act upon it or ask yourself what needs to be done. The dangerous territory is when it sinks deeper into your subconscious and you delude yourself into believing things are going better than they actually are. Then your subconscious plays tricks on you and coerces you into sinking back into that comfort zone.
This all pretty much hit me one day while I was working on some music. I was making a track and feeling pretty good at what I created. Then I realized that my music is escapist behavior. But I rationalized it by saying that I was improving upon a skill and it was hard work, therefore it wasn't bad. But the truth is, if I'm not financially stable and don't have a job and I'm turning to music as a way to shut out that harsh reality, then what I'm doing is escapist behavior. On top of that I recognized obsessive behavior with my music, not in a good way. Like if I didn't finish a song I'd ruminate all day about it until I could get back to it and I wouldn't feel relief until I finished it. It's not good because my brain can't multitask in this state. When it's intensely focused on one thing, there isn't any room to switch gears. It has it's upsides though, I'm a very hyper focused worker when I get into something and can work for hours. The huge issues is the stress that comes about when I'm away from it. The question is when is making music a passion vs an obsession? In my case I'd have to say that it's an unhealthy obsession because other aspects of my life are neglected.
So I took a good hard look at things the other day and I realized there's still a lot of anxiety and fear surrounding these things. But I pushed it out of my awareness by kind of making a bubble for myself. At least when you're feeling anxiety you can act upon it or ask yourself what needs to be done. The dangerous territory is when it sinks deeper into your subconscious and you delude yourself into believing things are going better than they actually are. Then your subconscious plays tricks on you and coerces you into sinking back into that comfort zone.
This all pretty much hit me one day while I was working on some music. I was making a track and feeling pretty good at what I created. Then I realized that my music is escapist behavior. But I rationalized it by saying that I was improving upon a skill and it was hard work, therefore it wasn't bad. But the truth is, if I'm not financially stable and don't have a job and I'm turning to music as a way to shut out that harsh reality, then what I'm doing is escapist behavior. On top of that I recognized obsessive behavior with my music, not in a good way. Like if I didn't finish a song I'd ruminate all day about it until I could get back to it and I wouldn't feel relief until I finished it. It's not good because my brain can't multitask in this state. When it's intensely focused on one thing, there isn't any room to switch gears. It has it's upsides though, I'm a very hyper focused worker when I get into something and can work for hours. The huge issues is the stress that comes about when I'm away from it. The question is when is making music a passion vs an obsession? In my case I'd have to say that it's an unhealthy obsession because other aspects of my life are neglected.
