05-04-2015, 06:38 AM
Well I have to take back what I said in that last post. It's not all wrong, but it just swung a little too heavily in the other direction. That's a bad habit of mine, I believe in psychology the term is called splitting. Basically it's easier to jump from one extreme to the other because there's less cognitive dissonance. While it seems like a relief to finally have an answer or a firm understanding of something, it's just gratification for the ego. The real value in life is reading between the lines, the grey area. Not gonna lie, that's hard to do. Especially when a lot of people out there have very black and white thinking. But ultimately you gain greater perspective and as a consequence make better decisions.
I'm only writing about this because I want anybody reading this journal to see the ups and downs. How progress is NOT linear. You'll slip up, fall back into old habits, and convince yourself that it's right for you. In that last post my goal of getting better at music was just a fear of not being good at music in a sort of disguise. My perfectionist tendencies to be great at something, basically that all or nothing mentality. That mentality is championed here in the U.S. but I'm not sure about other countries. Be the best or don't bother. It's not a healthy belief to have. I have to watch myself very carefully to make sure I don't revert to it, which is very easy to do because it's my default mindset. It was how I viewed everything pretty much from the age of 13 to now and I'm 24 so quite a few years of integrating a very faulty pattern of thinking. Ultimately if I keep on with that attitude I'll kill my enjoyment of my music and I don't want that. There's definitely more to life than being really good at something. I still have my artistic vision, but I realize that I have plenty of time to get there and I can't rush progress. Rome wasn't built in a day. On top of that nothing kills creative flow like stress. Letting go of needing to be good at something is the first step to becoming good at it.
Anyway as far as law of attraction goes and my whole monologue about hard work and determination, well sometimes it's good to not to have any preconceived notions about what the rules are to life. Hell I've known people that coast through life having everything line up perfectly. I've also known people that struggle and grind, that's their reality. Nothing is set in stone, it's better to be flexible. Do I want to struggle and grind my whole life? No. So it would probably benefit me not to internalize that as a solid belief. At the same time I recognize there is going to be work I have to do, it can't all be effortless. But this work is like training a muscle. It's like if you went over to a squat rack, loaded up 500lbs on the barbell and attempted to squat it, you'd injure yourself pretty bad if you haven't worked up to that weight. Instead you have to start with what you can handle and build up to that weight over time. I always tend to waver between two extremes. Either biting off more than I can chew or retreating so much that I never give myself that healthy push that keeps my strength from atrophying. It's definitely a balancing act for me and I feel like I haven't quite reached that point of equilibrium yet.
I'm only writing about this because I want anybody reading this journal to see the ups and downs. How progress is NOT linear. You'll slip up, fall back into old habits, and convince yourself that it's right for you. In that last post my goal of getting better at music was just a fear of not being good at music in a sort of disguise. My perfectionist tendencies to be great at something, basically that all or nothing mentality. That mentality is championed here in the U.S. but I'm not sure about other countries. Be the best or don't bother. It's not a healthy belief to have. I have to watch myself very carefully to make sure I don't revert to it, which is very easy to do because it's my default mindset. It was how I viewed everything pretty much from the age of 13 to now and I'm 24 so quite a few years of integrating a very faulty pattern of thinking. Ultimately if I keep on with that attitude I'll kill my enjoyment of my music and I don't want that. There's definitely more to life than being really good at something. I still have my artistic vision, but I realize that I have plenty of time to get there and I can't rush progress. Rome wasn't built in a day. On top of that nothing kills creative flow like stress. Letting go of needing to be good at something is the first step to becoming good at it.
Anyway as far as law of attraction goes and my whole monologue about hard work and determination, well sometimes it's good to not to have any preconceived notions about what the rules are to life. Hell I've known people that coast through life having everything line up perfectly. I've also known people that struggle and grind, that's their reality. Nothing is set in stone, it's better to be flexible. Do I want to struggle and grind my whole life? No. So it would probably benefit me not to internalize that as a solid belief. At the same time I recognize there is going to be work I have to do, it can't all be effortless. But this work is like training a muscle. It's like if you went over to a squat rack, loaded up 500lbs on the barbell and attempted to squat it, you'd injure yourself pretty bad if you haven't worked up to that weight. Instead you have to start with what you can handle and build up to that weight over time. I always tend to waver between two extremes. Either biting off more than I can chew or retreating so much that I never give myself that healthy push that keeps my strength from atrophying. It's definitely a balancing act for me and I feel like I haven't quite reached that point of equilibrium yet.
