04-29-2015, 11:53 AM
I didn't want to bump this old thread, so I'll post my post here 
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-3220-page-5.html
Man mat, you have no idea how grateful I am for you and that old thread of yours. I just finished reading through it. We have a lot in common, perfectionism, being the mediator between parents, anxiety, painful memories, over analyzing, too intelligent for our own good, reading up on similar things for self improvement, thinking you'll come off as a nut job if you shared some of it and more.
SargeMaximus had given you some solid advice, although I don't agree about one post he made about how he said everyone is depressed and he's miserable but accepting it gives him power. Being empowered is true but that doesn't mean you can't stop being miserable and not be in control.
See reading through that whole thread word for word, it reminded me of something I'd forgotten. It's that, nothing is more empowering than being in the present moment. Just like you I couldn't accept the concept in The Power of Now, but I realized that was my ego resisting out of the fear of losing what it's identified with. That book is truly powerful if you understand the concepts. I haven't read the book in a long time and I never finished it, but honestly it was because of the perfectionist in me. I thought I had fully grasped it and I can put it to action. I did for a couple of weeks, then I let the negativity seep in again without even knowing. Here I am, now identifying with my past again hahah. I'm glad though, because that reminder left an even more of a firm mark in my consciousness about being present.
The reason I was tempted to write this post instead of just taking what I got and moving on was because I noticed how you were going in the same circles as I used to. Trust me, I know how you feel when you say that past can't just be in the past, I used to believe the same thing but here is what I realized, you can choose to be however you want to be right now, in the PRESENT. It is YOU who is resisting and not letting the past go. What helped me realize this was that, there is nothing that will magically make a shift in your mind, it takes consistent work. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Also, being stuck in misery is what's comfortable for us. We might or might not accept this consciously, but subconsciously we are identified with this. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can make some real change. I know man, it's extremely difficult but you've gotta push through this. Your subconscious will cause so many triggers that will even cause you to consciously believe something isn't working, is ridiculous and cause you to dismiss a solution, because even if you might deny it, you are comfortable being miserable/depressed. I know I was, I loved talking about how depressed I was, thinking about my problems, all the emotional situations that caused damage, all the bad and the ugly. I was identified with it so much that thinking about the idea that I was actually doing this to myself, as shown from many sources I've found as well as The Power of Now, made me dismiss that shit completely at first. I felt the same way as I was reading The Power of Now as you did, I thought fuck this is like a religion itself, but then I realized it doesn't have to be that way. I'm in control of what I take in, and even if it WAS like a religion, so what? It HELPS me to overcome all this bulls**t.
The two weeks I actually properly practiced being in the present moment, were honestly the 2 most happiest weeks of my life; kind of happiness that is so pure that you can't explain. Also, I didn't LOSE my ability to empathize with people, on the contrary, I felt empathy towards the people because I knew they were doing this to themselves. I no longer identified with the pain and bulls**t, I just simply knew that it's sad they are doing this to themselves and they don't even realize it, then I offer whatever knowledge I can. Before however, what I used to do was, I'd empathize with them and association my pain and bulls**t with theirs then start talking about it. In the end, no one actually overcomes it or is relieved of the pain, instead we both just feel even MORE comfortable being miserable because we SHARE the misery. Do you see how counter intuitive and destructive that is?
Let me ask you a question, do you WANT to be in control of your life, your emotions, and your thoughts? If yes, then learn to detach yourself from them and then you have the CHOICE which emotions and thoughts you WANT to give power to and experience; that's truly empowering. When I came to this point in my realization, I got this weird feeling and heard a silent voice, "I don't have to be sad and depressed anymore? Then what would I be?" and I couldn't help but smile.
Whatever you identify with, you become. So my invitation to you is, stop identifying with the past pain, emotional baggage, and negativity and you will become positive, fun, loving, and happy. I'm not saying this is easy, it takes work and you might fall back a bit at times but KEEP GOING, always BELIEVE that you can do it. Honestly, as much as I dislike admitting it(again ego issue hahah, but accepting is a step forward.), going back to the book The Power of Now from time to time was what kept me going and got me to experience those 2 weeks of bliss. I thought, oh now I got this it's permanent but then I lost my way again. I'm going to either write myself a simplified way of staying in the present moment which I will keep referring back to or put a reminder for myself to always be in the present moment and OBSERVE the negative thoughts and let them pass without judging them and giving them power. The concept is very simple, but it's hard to apply consistently till it becomes 'permanent'; I'd say it's even harder for us because our perfectionist ego is going to get in the way because it's not becoming 'permanent' fast enough and it's such a simple concept. Also then there is the part where, there is a need for the solution to be 'complex' and not easy because our issues and problems are so 'intense' and 'severe' it can't be that simple to solve right? Oh and hahaha I had a major problem with this at point, I thought that a solution that worked for other people wouldn't necessarily really work for me, because come on my problems are WAY MOOORE SEVERE AND UNIQUE. Boy was my ego wrong, hah.
One last MAJOR realization was that, I was so over analyzing and trying to get to the root of where all this was stemming from that I didn't even realize I was making it worse. You can't really get to the 'root' because that shit can go back all the way to the time you spent in your mom's womb. You won't see the end of it. Again, perfectionism hahaha :p
Anyways man, again I'm grateful for that thread of yours and the journal. Your posts and SargeMaximus' posts were a huge reminder for me. I truly am grateful
I hope there is something for you to get out of this LONG A$$ post hahaha I wish you all the best bro! I'm certain you'll create the change you want to
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-3220-page-5.html
Man mat, you have no idea how grateful I am for you and that old thread of yours. I just finished reading through it. We have a lot in common, perfectionism, being the mediator between parents, anxiety, painful memories, over analyzing, too intelligent for our own good, reading up on similar things for self improvement, thinking you'll come off as a nut job if you shared some of it and more.
SargeMaximus had given you some solid advice, although I don't agree about one post he made about how he said everyone is depressed and he's miserable but accepting it gives him power. Being empowered is true but that doesn't mean you can't stop being miserable and not be in control.
See reading through that whole thread word for word, it reminded me of something I'd forgotten. It's that, nothing is more empowering than being in the present moment. Just like you I couldn't accept the concept in The Power of Now, but I realized that was my ego resisting out of the fear of losing what it's identified with. That book is truly powerful if you understand the concepts. I haven't read the book in a long time and I never finished it, but honestly it was because of the perfectionist in me. I thought I had fully grasped it and I can put it to action. I did for a couple of weeks, then I let the negativity seep in again without even knowing. Here I am, now identifying with my past again hahah. I'm glad though, because that reminder left an even more of a firm mark in my consciousness about being present.
The reason I was tempted to write this post instead of just taking what I got and moving on was because I noticed how you were going in the same circles as I used to. Trust me, I know how you feel when you say that past can't just be in the past, I used to believe the same thing but here is what I realized, you can choose to be however you want to be right now, in the PRESENT. It is YOU who is resisting and not letting the past go. What helped me realize this was that, there is nothing that will magically make a shift in your mind, it takes consistent work. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Also, being stuck in misery is what's comfortable for us. We might or might not accept this consciously, but subconsciously we are identified with this. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can make some real change. I know man, it's extremely difficult but you've gotta push through this. Your subconscious will cause so many triggers that will even cause you to consciously believe something isn't working, is ridiculous and cause you to dismiss a solution, because even if you might deny it, you are comfortable being miserable/depressed. I know I was, I loved talking about how depressed I was, thinking about my problems, all the emotional situations that caused damage, all the bad and the ugly. I was identified with it so much that thinking about the idea that I was actually doing this to myself, as shown from many sources I've found as well as The Power of Now, made me dismiss that shit completely at first. I felt the same way as I was reading The Power of Now as you did, I thought fuck this is like a religion itself, but then I realized it doesn't have to be that way. I'm in control of what I take in, and even if it WAS like a religion, so what? It HELPS me to overcome all this bulls**t.
The two weeks I actually properly practiced being in the present moment, were honestly the 2 most happiest weeks of my life; kind of happiness that is so pure that you can't explain. Also, I didn't LOSE my ability to empathize with people, on the contrary, I felt empathy towards the people because I knew they were doing this to themselves. I no longer identified with the pain and bulls**t, I just simply knew that it's sad they are doing this to themselves and they don't even realize it, then I offer whatever knowledge I can. Before however, what I used to do was, I'd empathize with them and association my pain and bulls**t with theirs then start talking about it. In the end, no one actually overcomes it or is relieved of the pain, instead we both just feel even MORE comfortable being miserable because we SHARE the misery. Do you see how counter intuitive and destructive that is?
Let me ask you a question, do you WANT to be in control of your life, your emotions, and your thoughts? If yes, then learn to detach yourself from them and then you have the CHOICE which emotions and thoughts you WANT to give power to and experience; that's truly empowering. When I came to this point in my realization, I got this weird feeling and heard a silent voice, "I don't have to be sad and depressed anymore? Then what would I be?" and I couldn't help but smile.
Whatever you identify with, you become. So my invitation to you is, stop identifying with the past pain, emotional baggage, and negativity and you will become positive, fun, loving, and happy. I'm not saying this is easy, it takes work and you might fall back a bit at times but KEEP GOING, always BELIEVE that you can do it. Honestly, as much as I dislike admitting it(again ego issue hahah, but accepting is a step forward.), going back to the book The Power of Now from time to time was what kept me going and got me to experience those 2 weeks of bliss. I thought, oh now I got this it's permanent but then I lost my way again. I'm going to either write myself a simplified way of staying in the present moment which I will keep referring back to or put a reminder for myself to always be in the present moment and OBSERVE the negative thoughts and let them pass without judging them and giving them power. The concept is very simple, but it's hard to apply consistently till it becomes 'permanent'; I'd say it's even harder for us because our perfectionist ego is going to get in the way because it's not becoming 'permanent' fast enough and it's such a simple concept. Also then there is the part where, there is a need for the solution to be 'complex' and not easy because our issues and problems are so 'intense' and 'severe' it can't be that simple to solve right? Oh and hahaha I had a major problem with this at point, I thought that a solution that worked for other people wouldn't necessarily really work for me, because come on my problems are WAY MOOORE SEVERE AND UNIQUE. Boy was my ego wrong, hah.
One last MAJOR realization was that, I was so over analyzing and trying to get to the root of where all this was stemming from that I didn't even realize I was making it worse. You can't really get to the 'root' because that shit can go back all the way to the time you spent in your mom's womb. You won't see the end of it. Again, perfectionism hahaha :p
Anyways man, again I'm grateful for that thread of yours and the journal. Your posts and SargeMaximus' posts were a huge reminder for me. I truly am grateful
I hope there is something for you to get out of this LONG A$$ post hahaha
I wish you all the best bro! I'm certain you'll create the change you want to
