10-25-2014, 04:30 PM
(10-25-2014, 05:38 AM)Shannon Wrote: Mat, I recommend that you stick with EHPRA - and find ways to defeat your subconscious efforts to "miraculously turn down the volume" and similar type things. Tape the volume knobs if necessary.
In fact, if you're having that negative a response to EHPRA, just think of how powerfully it is affecting you, and why: you cannot run away. Your subconscious is tryoing desperately to do anything and everything it can to save you from those fears and traumas it does not want to deal with, but you know that noting will get better until you do. What would I do in your shoes?
I would turn up the volume even more. And listen to it 21 hours a day. And whenever I felt upset, I would sit and experience that feeling, and explore why I was feeling it. I mean, really explore it. Find out why it's there. Ask yourself, "Why do I feel this way in response to a program that is trying to help me heal?" Then wait for your answer in quiet meditation on that question. Fully experience your responses, and accept them. Understand them as the terrified cries for safety of an inner child who is overwhelmed with fear and probably trauma. Consciously give yourself permission to heal, to release, to move on, to be successful in your efforts to heal, and to free yourself of what is holding you back. Then... let go of the fear, the pain, the nausea. Release them.
I also sometimes talk to my inner child. In rare cases, I will experience feeling sick, or terror, or resistance so strong that I have to recognize it and talk to my "inner little guy". I know what age I was when I was traumatized for each of these responses. Most of them come from the 3 and 4 year old me. That child got stuck because of these experiences, and sometimes, when he is forced to deal with them while I as an adult am accomplishing my life's goals and dreams, I have to recognize and comfort him.
"Hey, I know you're afraid, but it's okay. We've got this. We can do this, I've got your back. I'll never let you get hurt like that again, and I'm always here, see? You're afraid of something that is long gone, and it can't happen anymore because you have grown up into me, and I have the power to prevent it from ever happening again. Together, we can do anything. I understand how you feel, but it's time to let go of that. It's gone and done with, and you're safe with me now. Come on, let's go change the world!"
I haven't had to give myself talks like this very often - perhaps three times. But it really helped me release some serious fears and resistances. Perhaps it will help you too. But no matter what, don't stop chipping away at the progress. You can't hide from improvement forever.
Thanks so much Shannon. I really needed this. A lot of the time when I hit those blocks of fear and trauma, I'd respond with guilt and shame, sometimes even hatred. I never saw those responses as an echo of my inner child that needs compassion. I saw them more as failures of myself and my inability to move past my issues.
I'll definitely start doing this and continue to listen to EPRHA.
