09-23-2014, 08:12 PM
So I started another medication. A small dose of wellbutrin that's supposed to balance out the fatigue brought on by the zoloft. But I'm really starting to hate this medication. I'm giving it a couple of weeks to see if I adjust and if I don't I'm dropping it.
The more I think about medication, the more I'm not exactly comfortable with what it does to my brain and body. I'm still getting side effects, mostly nausea and headaches. And while my mood has improved slightly, for all I know it could just be the placebo effect. And what exactly causes the side effects? The pill itself? Or my body's reaction to the substance from it?
But I've noticed that they do help pull me out of the depression. I've had some insights about myself since taking them. But it's hard to tell if these insights and growth would disappear if I got off the meds. It's kind of like subliminals when people start them and decide they did it all on their own, so they decide to stop because they don't need them. I don't want to be like hey I'm all better and then pull myself off the meds and then crash again. I'm gonna have to try at least once, but the plan is to maybe get a job first and then wean myself off. Mostly because of my anxiety and finding the whole thing incredibly stressful, if I go off the meds I might swing back into a depressive episode.
It's a tough call to make. And the thing that bugs me the most is that there really aren't any solutions to my problems out there. Nothing that would definitely make me feel better, without a doubt. Even with subliminals I have a tendency to resist positive changes. I haven't given up and I'll never give up, but these challenges I face are a real pain. Worst part is I'm standing in my own way and I don't really know how to not do that.
I'm just real fed up with things. Just broke, in debt, and not feeling like being a slave to money. Trying to break the cycle my parents fell into, but so far I've just been messing that up pretty bad. My life just feels like a trainwreck. I gotta find a way to fix all of this.
The more I think about medication, the more I'm not exactly comfortable with what it does to my brain and body. I'm still getting side effects, mostly nausea and headaches. And while my mood has improved slightly, for all I know it could just be the placebo effect. And what exactly causes the side effects? The pill itself? Or my body's reaction to the substance from it?
But I've noticed that they do help pull me out of the depression. I've had some insights about myself since taking them. But it's hard to tell if these insights and growth would disappear if I got off the meds. It's kind of like subliminals when people start them and decide they did it all on their own, so they decide to stop because they don't need them. I don't want to be like hey I'm all better and then pull myself off the meds and then crash again. I'm gonna have to try at least once, but the plan is to maybe get a job first and then wean myself off. Mostly because of my anxiety and finding the whole thing incredibly stressful, if I go off the meds I might swing back into a depressive episode.
It's a tough call to make. And the thing that bugs me the most is that there really aren't any solutions to my problems out there. Nothing that would definitely make me feel better, without a doubt. Even with subliminals I have a tendency to resist positive changes. I haven't given up and I'll never give up, but these challenges I face are a real pain. Worst part is I'm standing in my own way and I don't really know how to not do that.
I'm just real fed up with things. Just broke, in debt, and not feeling like being a slave to money. Trying to break the cycle my parents fell into, but so far I've just been messing that up pretty bad. My life just feels like a trainwreck. I gotta find a way to fix all of this.
