04-05-2024, 04:43 PM
Recently two words have been on my mind, betrayal and abuse. Not only others had step on my boundaries but harmed me even if that wasn't the intention but is also true there was an intent of dominance leading to the previous words. No wonder i dislike people but also became dependent of the idea of abuse and conflict as getting some kind of attention or caring about me so maybe i need to become a monk and live in loneliness for the rest of my life, deep inside i hate others and don't want nothing to do with others but the dependence keeps getting on my nerves, if i hate them why i can't remove them of my mind. At times i just want a payback from the abuse, getting revenge sounds good to me even if it is worthless but whatever, each cycle i notice how the chains are being removed, i don't need to care for others or whatever they did to me, in this times of "empathy" i feel like becoming the kind of person that doesn't give a damn about it, after all kindness won't get me anywhere so no use in getting into someone else shoes, it seems that regaining trust won't be possible because i don't want it, i'm already tired from the personal growth shit talk. I look like a teenager with all this shit but is what it is when someone is trapped on childhood for quite some time or maybe i'm just too much of a rebel.
