08-10-2014, 08:17 PM
So day 14
Today was an ok day, again.... was out almost all the day and barely hear the audio. I only hear it about 1 hour.
I'm going to try to listen it all night
i Don't Know exactly how to feel about the resoults I'm getting, i can not say i'm excited. Yet i think there is something i need but i don't know what it is.
Today i have a family meeting, we were celebrating a birthday, and everything was ok except i was getting some weird wives. I was walking with self confident, very calmed. If i was feeling a little with doubt or depressed i went for the bathroom and i was better (i really need to go to the medic).
Some girls were checking me, when i was passing, or when i put my attention on them. I'm begin to see a target of the girls i like, like what i considered attractive.
I was totally confident, comfortable, sometimes sexy and attractive, and with no fears. everything was ok. Yet there was this problem is there any tiny feel or though of doubt in my mind i feel i losted everything or my confidence was there but i couldn't reach.
I think i have family issues, or self issues. Again i told before that my family likes to avoid eye contact. today i discovered that although i feel is everyone, is not everyone some people will treat me ok, or nicer than before, or maybe i'm more confident and i notice their family friendship. I notice that some part of them in specially the female radio of my family, have some different responses around me. Sometimes i feel they hate me. Others try to ignore me, even some act vewry shy around me. Now that i'm feeling confident is like their shyness is up. Like a lot.
I mean even the most nicer of my aun dosen't know how to react to me :S, i don't feel sad but i don't like it. My aunt all act like with shy, and they don't know how to react to me even when they trust me with things they are like don't know what to say or to act, if i ask something stupid they act evasive but i ask them to do something for me they egt happy and do it, WTF..
My cousins varies before this file, they hate me, or ignore me. Even the ones i played with them when they were child, they hit pubberty and something begin to hate me :S, or ignore me.
Right know is like with my female aunts, except that i have been getting a patron, almost all of them are shy, or try very hard to ignore me. If i actg friendly with them, they get a face like what should i do?, i see in their faces they expect something from me, but they thing is they put almost a neutral face but an eager face like they expect something from something interesting, idk, there are exceptions of this rule but i prefer ignore because they are my cousins, period.
Although today in the end i got angry internally of why i was receiving this treatment from my family, so i forced to look at them in the eyes, and they got happy?, its the same thing it happen with my mom, she kinda mean and bitchy, God tells you to forget and forgive i do that, and i forget her, i dodge her stare because i feel she want some sort of power to begin a fight with me. recently? if i give her a stare direct in the eyes she gets happy?, if i talk to her but don't look at the eyes she will look for a fight a lot of the time i'm around her.
Around there is beign one fact around woman, i am friendly, i feel interested, or want to pursue friendship or a better relationship; a- i Act indiferent toward them, they ignore me, even act with some hates stare. b- i Feel sad and talk with them they HATE ME more. dc- feel interested in talk with them, they flash me smile and listen, and interact with me with the most happyness vibes ever. d-Feel happy and optimist of my day?, the same as before plus she will laugh and act very touchy around me and with extreme comfort and trust, sometimes when i'm here i feel like a teddy bear, heck i could say the most stupid thing and she will laugh even if it was not funny, and hug me more d-Feel something akin attraction, they get happy i receive some lusty stare, iget very tochy, very smiley, and flirt with me.(even some shy girls with stop being shy, and act very Bold around me, of course if i talk to them they lost this sexy trance they have and comeback shy lol). You know what is worse?, i receive this reactions for same girls. :S
II'm extending this, there is something that is worrying me a little, and is the fact that i acting more confident, but i'm stopping beign me, and feel a little uncomfortable about this fact. Heck Before this i was very empathic, now i feel less empathic, i still worry about people but i'm disconected about how they feel, and don't know how to give my friends and family help :S.
Today was an ok day, again.... was out almost all the day and barely hear the audio. I only hear it about 1 hour.
I'm going to try to listen it all night
i Don't Know exactly how to feel about the resoults I'm getting, i can not say i'm excited. Yet i think there is something i need but i don't know what it is.
Today i have a family meeting, we were celebrating a birthday, and everything was ok except i was getting some weird wives. I was walking with self confident, very calmed. If i was feeling a little with doubt or depressed i went for the bathroom and i was better (i really need to go to the medic).
Some girls were checking me, when i was passing, or when i put my attention on them. I'm begin to see a target of the girls i like, like what i considered attractive.
I was totally confident, comfortable, sometimes sexy and attractive, and with no fears. everything was ok. Yet there was this problem is there any tiny feel or though of doubt in my mind i feel i losted everything or my confidence was there but i couldn't reach.
I think i have family issues, or self issues. Again i told before that my family likes to avoid eye contact. today i discovered that although i feel is everyone, is not everyone some people will treat me ok, or nicer than before, or maybe i'm more confident and i notice their family friendship. I notice that some part of them in specially the female radio of my family, have some different responses around me. Sometimes i feel they hate me. Others try to ignore me, even some act vewry shy around me. Now that i'm feeling confident is like their shyness is up. Like a lot.
I mean even the most nicer of my aun dosen't know how to react to me :S, i don't feel sad but i don't like it. My aunt all act like with shy, and they don't know how to react to me even when they trust me with things they are like don't know what to say or to act, if i ask something stupid they act evasive but i ask them to do something for me they egt happy and do it, WTF..
My cousins varies before this file, they hate me, or ignore me. Even the ones i played with them when they were child, they hit pubberty and something begin to hate me :S, or ignore me.
Right know is like with my female aunts, except that i have been getting a patron, almost all of them are shy, or try very hard to ignore me. If i actg friendly with them, they get a face like what should i do?, i see in their faces they expect something from me, but they thing is they put almost a neutral face but an eager face like they expect something from something interesting, idk, there are exceptions of this rule but i prefer ignore because they are my cousins, period.
Although today in the end i got angry internally of why i was receiving this treatment from my family, so i forced to look at them in the eyes, and they got happy?, its the same thing it happen with my mom, she kinda mean and bitchy, God tells you to forget and forgive i do that, and i forget her, i dodge her stare because i feel she want some sort of power to begin a fight with me. recently? if i give her a stare direct in the eyes she gets happy?, if i talk to her but don't look at the eyes she will look for a fight a lot of the time i'm around her.
Around there is beign one fact around woman, i am friendly, i feel interested, or want to pursue friendship or a better relationship; a- i Act indiferent toward them, they ignore me, even act with some hates stare. b- i Feel sad and talk with them they HATE ME more. dc- feel interested in talk with them, they flash me smile and listen, and interact with me with the most happyness vibes ever. d-Feel happy and optimist of my day?, the same as before plus she will laugh and act very touchy around me and with extreme comfort and trust, sometimes when i'm here i feel like a teddy bear, heck i could say the most stupid thing and she will laugh even if it was not funny, and hug me more d-Feel something akin attraction, they get happy i receive some lusty stare, iget very tochy, very smiley, and flirt with me.(even some shy girls with stop being shy, and act very Bold around me, of course if i talk to them they lost this sexy trance they have and comeback shy lol). You know what is worse?, i receive this reactions for same girls. :S
II'm extending this, there is something that is worrying me a little, and is the fact that i acting more confident, but i'm stopping beign me, and feel a little uncomfortable about this fact. Heck Before this i was very empathic, now i feel less empathic, i still worry about people but i'm disconected about how they feel, and don't know how to give my friends and family help :S.
