Dp ASC Journal

[Dpenguin]

Day 13

I only hear 1 hour the ifile i was out all day, and i was tired to put the file.

I was confident, yet i was not. i was confident walking, with no fears, no problems, everything was perfect, flirt a litle, talked with confort with friends and everything was perfect, someof my female friends got all excited just to see me. I talked with a friend i like and suddenly i lost all confidence.

For some reason i'm still attractive, girls were checking me and aproaching me, but i was not there.

So today i think i discovered that i have a health problem.....kinda.....

Almost two years agoi i did an operation for varicocele, after that my body have been acting different that did before. Sometimes are very good, but other times like when i don't want to go the bathroom to pee, because i'm talking with my friends about anything interesting, or talking to a girl i like, or anything that need my concetration. my Body begin to react in different ways, whole body aches, i feel depressed, i feel dizzy, and other things, i thinked that was normal, that was something about my body has to recovered. So my family and friends notice that before i went to the bathroom i feel bad, and then i was the most happy guy ever. They ask, i told them, and Bam the normal thing is not soo normal.... i Don't know why i didnt think about it like that lol.

So, the thing is i think there is a possibility i'm going to drop this file, for the time i tried to solve this health problem i'm having.

In another things, the file contiunes to work, even with my self issues, it's like swithc i dosen't matter what happens my subconcious mind keep confident, lol.

Well that's it i'm going to see how things go forward

[Dpenguin]

So day 14

Today was an ok day, again.... was out almost all the day and barely hear the audio. I only hear it about 1 hour.

I'm going to try to listen it all night

i Don't Know exactly how to feel about the resoults I'm getting, i can not say i'm excited. Yet i think there is something i need but i don't know what it is.

Today i have a family meeting, we were celebrating a birthday, and everything was ok except i was getting some weird wives. I was walking with self confident, very calmed. If i was feeling a little with doubt or depressed i went for the bathroom and i was better (i really need to go to the medic).

Some girls were checking me, when i was passing, or when i put my attention on them. I'm begin to see a target of the girls i like, like what i considered attractive.

I was totally confident, comfortable, sometimes sexy and attractive, and with no fears. everything was ok. Yet there was this problem is there any tiny feel or though of doubt in my mind i feel i losted everything or my confidence was there but i couldn't reach.

I think i have family issues, or self issues. Again i told before that my family likes to avoid eye contact. today i discovered that although i feel is everyone, is not everyone some people will treat me ok, or nicer than before, or maybe i'm more confident and i notice their family friendship. I notice that some part of them in specially the female radio of my family, have some different responses around me. Sometimes i feel they hate me. Others try to ignore me, even some act vewry shy around me. Now that i'm feeling confident is like their shyness is up. Like a lot.

I mean even the most nicer of my aun dosen't know how to react to me :S, i don't feel sad but i don't like it. My aunt all act like with shy, and they don't know how to react to me even when they trust me with things they are like don't know what to say or to act, if i ask something stupid they act evasive but i ask them to do something for me they egt happy and do it, WTF..

My cousins varies before this file, they hate me, or ignore me. Even the ones i played with them when they were child, they hit pubberty and something begin to hate me :S, or ignore me.

Right know is like with my female aunts, except that i have been getting a patron, almost all of them are shy, or try very hard to ignore me. If i actg friendly with them, they get a face like what should i do?, i see in their faces they expect something from me, but they thing is they put almost a neutral face but an eager face like they expect something from something interesting, idk, there are exceptions of this rule but i prefer ignore because they are my cousins, period.

Although today in the end i got angry internally of why i was receiving this treatment from my family, so i forced to look at them in the eyes, and they got happy?, its the same thing it happen with my mom, she kinda mean and bitchy, God tells you to forget and forgive i do that, and i forget her, i dodge her stare because i feel she want some sort of power to begin a fight with me. recently? if i give her a stare direct in the eyes she gets happy?, if i talk to her but don't look at the eyes she will look for a fight a lot of the time i'm around her.

Around there is beign one fact around woman, i am friendly, i feel interested, or want to pursue friendship or a better relationship; a- i Act indiferent toward them, they ignore me, even act with some hates stare. b- i Feel sad and talk with them they HATE ME more. dc- feel interested in talk with them, they flash me smile and listen, and interact with me with the most happyness vibes ever. d-Feel happy and optimist of my day?, the same as before plus she will laugh and act very touchy around me and with extreme comfort and trust, sometimes when i'm here i feel like a teddy bear, heck i could say the most stupid thing and she will laugh even if it was not funny, and hug me more d-Feel something akin attraction, they get happy i receive some lusty stare, iget very tochy, very smiley, and flirt with me.(even some shy girls with stop being shy, and act very Bold around me, of course if i talk to them they lost this sexy trance they have and comeback shy lol). You know what is worse?, i receive this reactions for same girls. :S

II'm extending this, there is something that is worrying me a little, and is the fact that i acting more confident, but i'm stopping beign me, and feel a little uncomfortable about this fact. Heck Before this i was very empathic, now i feel less empathic, i still worry about people but i'm disconected about how they feel, and don't know how to give my friends and family help :S.

[swisston]

You will need to give both yourself and other people some time to adjust. You will be sending out both new and inconsistent body language at the moment which will confuse people who already know you, especially if it is very different. It takes time for the new you to be properly developed and intrinsic, rather than just a new bit of clothing you are trying on.

If your empathy is lessening then it was probably based on neediness, which you are now removing. So that's a good thing

[Dpenguin]

Mmmm ok thanks. Maybe i'm really needing time for adjusting in this feeling -.-, is so weird. But men , swisston it would be cool if it was like a piece of clothes xD, removing it and then put it, bam ou are a better you NOW!- lol

I beein thinking today and i think i need to kill all my self neediness for other people opinion around me. Mostly because i feel i'm interacting better with people but im looking for people opinion about me like i feel that this confidence is not building around me, and is building about what i want people to think of me :S. That's what i have seeing more if i don't receive someone opinion or feeling around my self, my confidence crumbles, and it suck it shouldn't be like this.

---------Well day 15-----------

Today was an ok day, By the way there is something i didn't put yesterday, i played Rugby with my family, i have years without playing rugby, the last time i played was in high school, and that was years ago lol. To resume things, physically i wasn't in my tops, i have't doing body working in years soo meh, But mentally oh mentally i was in the game, concentrated calm, confident, even if my team lossed i was happy, before this if a played a game like this i will be sad, thinking like ¨Why i play if i'm gonna lose.¨ In that moment i didn't care i was just having fun, and was the most happy guy ever

So before talking about this day, i have to say this i barely get out my house, i told you guys how i have not played in years right?. well all my body hurts, ALLLL of it, but there 0s something funny, if i was in a situation like this in the past i will be like ¨Never again, Neveeeeerrr¨. Now?, i'm like man that was soo cool, i'm feel good i'm feeling awesome, even if i am a bit tiredly of yesterday.

The day was ok, everything is going fine, i have some self issues i been having about what i want, and somehow, my old porn addiction coming back. When i don't needing it. Weird

I get out to buy a router antena that was broked. I was feeling uncomfortable walking, and talking. I don't understand why if yesterday was ok, today? i feel like i didn0't know what to do :S

So that's all folks, thanks for reading let see if tomorrow things get better

[Dpenguin]

Hello there Everyone, Heres This day Journal

---Day 16---

Firstly i have to say i didn't get out today, so i don't know if the programs are working better or worse. I have to say i feel better. Yesterday after the Journal i decided to look what does exactly encare or means beign self confident, i did this after thinking that maybe i didn't have the whole image of beign a self confident person, after investigating i think i get it better, and somehow i helped me this day, i waked up better more secure, Still today i get angry for something really stupid, something that haven't happened since i was like 8 years old brat. Yet i feel better, and somehow if i wasn't thinking positive enough or confident enough i would remind my self to calm down, and Act like a better person.

I Been meditating at least today the things i have seen define what is self confidence. And i feel better, and more calm after this, and in the day.

I have been noticed that a lot of womens friends of good pals of mine are adding me a lot in twitter, after i changed the photo. And even i been socializing a little more in Facebook, even if a don't like it very much.

Another god things is that although my relationship around my sister and my mom hasn't got wonderfull, it got better i can somehow establishing a nice conversation with my sister without it condescension for her part, even i feel like it got nicer our relationship. And my mom although still angry and bitchy about life, are treating me a bit just a bit nicer.

Well that's all i leave you guys let see how things goo far batter tomorrow lol.

[Dpenguin]

Hello there Guys, how are you, here i am giving you this day Jorunal.

----Day 17----

Far better, that in past days. Today was a good productive day, i have so many things to say... but i will be fast.

You know was the funny thing about this file?, I'm not invisible to womens, before this i barely get noticed by the attractive womens. Now? i'm entering one room, and bam if there is any woman i will fin sexy, or beautiful, or georgeos, or atractive, she is looking my direction. Another cool thing is that when i beginned the file i was soo need for attaction to other women, Now? i don't care that much, i'm mean i don't feel soo needy i was feeling before.

Sooo i wen to the hospital today to do some test, again i'm not invisible to women, although i'm invisible with mens i don't want to talk to(like before for some reason, some guys will talk to me or try to intidimidate me), i see a lot a beatifull girl checking me up, although i was not in the mood in that moment, some girls were looking at me, and when they give eye contact, they were lost they just kept staring, although i think this happened because i didn't feel i was in the mood today, the test i did needed me to don't eat at least 12 hours before made, so i didn't take breakfast, and that put me although not angry as before, i was like annoyed. I noticed several girls wanted to talk and initiate conversations with me but i was like: ¨NOPE. I want to eat, soo even if you are smoking hot if i don't eat something soon i will care, like shit¨

Did i told you i wasn't invisible to womens?, there is the thing even womens i'm not attracted, are treating my WAAAAAAAAYYYYY nicer that before, than beign invisible

Talking about other matter aside me beign super sexy and attractive, I feel more collected and calm, This confidence is rocking even in the mornings, when i feel a little depressed, feel more positive and happier.

You Know was the weird thing?, Old hobbies of mine like Drawing, are giving massages are caming back as STROOOOOONG as ever.

Man i even feel sexy everytime i'm looking at me at the mirrow, before i barely see myself in it, and came out of home, like without care, Now i'm caring more about myself, and looking better in my posture and all. Although for some reason i have this idea in my mind that clothes don't make me sexy i make clothes sexy xD. lol

Well that's all i leave you guys Bye

[Dpenguin]

Day 18

Another Good Day, of this life, Starring: Dpenguin

Today i waked up, like nothing although a little tad negative i have found my problem, so after the bathroom break i was positive again, i think my mind or something begin to sabotage myself in efforts to me going to the bathroom, even when i don'0t know because i feel bad, an laaaaater i feel need to go to the bathroom, but i think is something i need to live with it, till my doctor appointment.

Now about the file, i feel awesome, soo secure, soo confident, even walking, and talking /i have beginned to talk a little more slowly than before, although people don't hear my voice when i talk) I have this problem with my voice volume i have problems regulating it, because it's hard to find a medium volume that isn't or to wuiet, or to loud to people. My voice is soo deep. (although i think is more about the fact that i barely talk, soo meh)

Today came to my home one of my aunts, vissiting, she was treating me better, and i aproached here like nothing and more happy than ever, although later she got shy around me (before it wasn't that bad, although i think she was feeling bad), she was treating me better than before, but she still didn't know how exactly react around me, extrangely enough when i called her or talked to her about something she got out of this state, but then bam again in it.

I think although i'm winning confidence, i'm losing my patience around people critics and bullshit, yesterday my sister did a little critic about a joke i did about me beign fitness, and then i got pissed out, i didn't teel her anything but i feel angry, after that i think it was stupid, but still before i would not care. Then lated this day came my mom, she was talking to my aunt, about my cousin learning french, and i asked her where i could go to learn french, then my mother told that i have to learn english(for those who don't know my main language is Spanish), with the most jerky stare, posture, and voice ever, i could have ignored her, like i do forever and i think i was a bit irrespective, because i respond to her around my aunt, but it got me soo pissed that with the same posture, same voice, and same stare i told her ¨I know english¨, after that she was shocked and went to eat. I still feel a little bad around her, and was angry after that, but then i remember it was my mother so it wasn't important.

So, i told guys how i feel about my self looking in the mirror right?, well today i looked again to my mirror and i was looking more sexier, more confident, more secure, and more goal seeking. I was and still feel happy around my life, and was thinking constantly around how people will be better if they stop thinking so much stupid things and went to think more happy around their lifes.

PD: bY THE WAY before i go, i have to ask between 1 to 10 how much will you put in my english post overall, and how much you will put in THIS POST, in special. Please tell me

[Dpenguin]

Day 18

Ugh... today i didn't feel well. I wnt out but becuase i wasn't in my tops, my mind wasn't working and my confidence was on the floor. People in general treat me nice, but to the bbeatifull, attractive, and sexy girls i was invisible i tried to establish a conversation with the cashier but i was or invisible to her, or something she was evading my stare.

After that i went home, i did some tapping and later get a little better.

PD.Ugh i have a problem, i could use tapping to evade some things.

Like addiction to porn (i have been getting, slips in this)

[Dpenguin]

So, i'm back after the 90 Days, and more.

So first first, the file works, really works.

Again i kinda talked that in my first posts.

So let me put my full rewiev of this file;

The file is excelent i went to be more secure in my self in many ways that i wasen't before, even dpong stuf i was feared to do. Although i would like to do it again but i'm not going to guilt trip this file... maybe i should explain.

After the 70 days mark i begin do have, resistances around the file, i was sick, and well if i didn't feel good i let this resistances overtake my want to be more self secure of my self (redundant e.e)

After the 90 days mark, i beginned my new semester in College, and well although i have beign going pretty well, even my notes have upgraded and i kinda dodge the teacher bullshit about how they hate life and want to make anyone they teach hate it. i was pretty good, pretty centric, i was in the zone......but sickness came back....

What i think ed it was resistance (and i still think is a little of resistance) i went sick,i'm not gonna specify, i'm just gonna say is like varicocele but it's not,and well for a few time i didn't know i wasen't sick, sooo when i did d some blood teste and i found my problem its was shoking,a nd pretty tiring taking medicines and knowing i'm no longer a kid xD.

Right know it's pretty complicated, i'm mean i know i can do anything i want if a i go for it. I know i'm strong enough (lol beggined to go to gym one goal i have for years). i can talk , go suave, make friendship go forward to seriously relationship, and even more, if i want it, i can get enough grades and remember anything i study, i am succesfully with friendship and with my life, but.... Resistance, is like a big obstacle sometimes i have to overthink a lot just to overcome it -.-. I don't know why, i maybe will do the Emotional pain realease and Healing file?.

Well that's all thanks God for finding this gold (Lol), Thanks Shannon for making this free. And well Thanks all for the time

Aaion this file is awesome but maybe it's for the better to try to like emotional relaease just in case you have and issue with your self, or go to the medic, because you will not experience the full juice of this file.

Thanks all and bye , maybe to the next file Who knows