Disconnect from negativity within

[Shannon]

Every point, planet and relevant aspect in a chart has two poles of expression. The option for expression is not just one of those two poles, but along the continuum between them - for each and every point, planet and aspect present. Oddly, there appear to be very few who grasp that fact, which kills accuracy for a lot of people who would take up the mantle of interpreting a natal chart. Indeed, without anything else to go by, it takes a lot of skill and experience to figure out what the polarity will most likely be, and even then the possibility of error is present. One must understand the chart in depth to be able to see probable polarity of expression for each point. It is a very challenging thing to do. Few indeed would spend much time mastering this branch of this field of study, but the returns and benefits are enormous. As someone whose footsteps you seem to be following in, trust my guidance on this. Make yourself an expert in natal astrology. You won't regret it. But expect it to take a while.

[mat422]

Every point, planet and relevant aspect in a chart has two poles of expression. The option for expression is not just one of those two poles, but along the continuum between them - for each and every point, planet and aspect present. Oddly, there appear to be very few who grasp that fact, which kills accuracy for a lot of people who would take up the mantle of interpreting a natal chart. Indeed, without anything else to go by, it takes a lot of skill and experience to figure out what the polarity will most likely be, and even then the possibility of error is present. One must understand the chart in depth to be able to see probable polarity of expression for each point. It is a very challenging thing to do. Few indeed would spend much time mastering this branch of this field of study, but the returns and benefits are enormous. As someone whose footsteps you seem to be following in, trust my guidance on this. Make yourself an expert in natal astrology. You won't regret it. But expect it to take a while.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems as if this is a result of black and white thinking. Doesn't really surprise me that only a few are able to interpret with accuracy given that humans tend to lean towards one extreme or the other.

Do you have any suggestions where I should start to learn about natal astrology?

[mat422]

Strange dream last night. Basically involved me getting intimate with a girl. But the weird part was that it was in my old bedroom I had before an addition on my home. This bedroom is pretty much tied to my childhood. Some guilt over human impulses perhaps that I internalized as a child? Don't know much about that. Truth be told, my entire childhood is a blur. I can't believe some people can accurately recall childhood. I'm not sure if that's just because I don't really have memories or if I suppressed them for my own sake.

[mat422]

I realized that as long as I have unnecessary fear in my life, my actions will always be fueled by fear. I don't want to have fear push me into something I have no desire to do.

My uncle was telling me how I should go back and get a bachelor degree, because it will pay for itself in the future. No. Especially if it's something that I'm doing just because I feel I need to and haven't explored other options. I'm sick of everyone pushing everyone else into debt and saying that once you get hired for a job you'll be able to pay off student loans. My uncle is still paying off his debt, that's not the kind of life I want to live. Maybe if I knew I wanted to get a degree in a specific area of study, I'd go for it. But at this point it feels like I wanted to get it just because everyone has been telling me that you need one to make it in the world.

By the time I graduate, who knows maybe a bachelors degree will be as useful as an associates. And then you have to get a masters. Then what? When everyone gets masters, you have to go for your doctorate? A level beyond doctorate? Maybe they'll have to invent one. 10 years ago college was a big deal, now almost every degree is watered down because of the over saturation of individuals with degrees.

I think what I need to do is save up money after finding a job, any job. Move someplace else, explore life for a while, and stop feeling the need to conform to what everyone tells me about get a degree, get a job, save for retirement, die. I'll be honest, that depresses me.

I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of feeling like people telling me "this is the way it is and you should do as I say, otherwise who knows what will happen". Life is so fickle. If I start making money just so I can live comfortably when I'm older, there's no guarantee of that. What if I get hit by a car and die? Then what? My entire life would have been wasted by saving up for something that never came.

This is how it's been for me since high school. Contemplating life, contemplating careers, future goals. I've always felt there is something wrong. I don't know if that was the world pushing down on me or me being depressed and projecting out into the world. Sometimes I look at the way things are and I can't stand it. I feel like for me my life has been composed of 90% suffering and 10% happiness.

I feel like most of my family thinks the answer to my problems is to "get out there" and start doing something with my life. I've always felt it doesn't matter where I go, what I do, what I accomplish, the problem is internal, not external. If I don't fix the inside, my external reality will always be a reflection of that. People who don't deal with that internal struggle just can't put themselves in my shoes, and I don't blame them. But I have to do what is good for me, not what other people think is good for me. Of course I'll heed advice and acknowledge something that can help me, but I won't blindly latch onto someone's every word.

[rayrocanaldo]

I realized that as long as I have unnecessary fear in my life, my actions will always be fueled by fear. I don't want to have fear push me into something I have no desire to do.

My uncle was telling me how I should go back and get a bachelor degree, because it will pay for itself in the future. No. Especially if it's something that I'm doing just because I feel I need to and haven't explored other options. I'm sick of everyone pushing everyone else into debt and saying that once you get hired for a job you'll be able to pay off student loans. My uncle is still paying off his debt, that's not the kind of life I want to live. Maybe if I knew I wanted to get a degree in a specific area of study, I'd go for it. But at this point it feels like I wanted to get it just because everyone has been telling me that you need one to make it in the world.

By the time I graduate, who knows maybe a bachelors degree will be as useful as an associates. And then you have to get a masters. Then what? When everyone gets masters, you have to go for your doctorate? A level beyond doctorate? Maybe they'll have to invent one. 10 years ago college was a big deal, now almost every degree is watered down because of the over saturation of individuals with degrees.

I think what I need to do is save up money after finding a job, any job. Move someplace else, explore life for a while, and stop feeling the need to conform to what everyone tells me about get a degree, get a job, save for retirement, die. I'll be honest, that depresses me.

I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of feeling like people telling me "this is the way it is and you should do as I say, otherwise who knows what will happen". Life is so fickle. If I start making money just so I can live comfortably when I'm older, there's no guarantee of that. What if I get hit by a car and die? Then what? My entire life would have been wasted by saving up for something that never came.

This is how it's been for me since high school. Contemplating life, contemplating careers, future goals. I've always felt there is something wrong. I don't know if that was the world pushing down on me or me being depressed and projecting out into the world. Sometimes I look at the way things are and I can't stand it. I feel like for me my life has been composed of 90% suffering and 10% happiness.

I feel like most of my family thinks the answer to my problems is to "get out there" and start doing something with my life. I've always felt it doesn't matter where I go, what I do, what I accomplish, the problem is internal, not external. If I don't fix the inside, my external reality will always be a reflection of that. People who don't deal with that internal struggle just can't put themselves in my shoes, and I don't blame them. But I have to do what is good for me, not what other people think is good for me. Of course I'll heed advice and acknowledge something that can help me, but I won't blindly latch onto someone's every word.

I fully understand your struggle. How your internal is blocking your external from manifesting the way you want it too. How every single one of your actions is fueled by fears, doubts and hesitations you wish you never had.

Most of these fears seem to be caused by limiting beliefs. Get rid of the beliefs and you create new possibilities that the other beliefs were limiting you from having.

[Shannon]

Every point, planet and relevant aspect in a chart has two poles of expression. The option for expression is not just one of those two poles, but along the continuum between them - for each and every point, planet and aspect present. Oddly, there appear to be very few who grasp that fact, which kills accuracy for a lot of people who would take up the mantle of interpreting a natal chart. Indeed, without anything else to go by, it takes a lot of skill and experience to figure out what the polarity will most likely be, and even then the possibility of error is present. One must understand the chart in depth to be able to see probable polarity of expression for each point. It is a very challenging thing to do. Few indeed would spend much time mastering this branch of this field of study, but the returns and benefits are enormous. As someone whose footsteps you seem to be following in, trust my guidance on this. Make yourself an expert in natal astrology. You won't regret it. But expect it to take a while.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems as if this is a result of black and white thinking. Doesn't really surprise me that only a few are able to interpret with accuracy given that humans tend to lean towards one extreme or the other.

Do you have any suggestions where I should start to learn about natal astrology?

Hewwit; then Sakoian & Acker. You'll find your way from there.

[mat422]

Been away from the forum for a while. Had a streak of down days and was just taking time to recover from that. I'm really just trying to put one foot in front of the other. Current goal is seeing a therapist. But this is proving to be a difficult task. Mostly because the last guy I went to didn't seem to have empathy at all for my situation. And now I've got a bad impression of what opening up to a stranger is like. I don't need someone to push me, if anything that's going to mess me up more. I need outside perspective from someone else because I am unable to remain unbiased. I'm hard enough on myself already. I just want someone that can hear what I have to say and then tell me where my thoughts need to be corrected. If things don't work out I can always just stop going, but like I said before I should at least try it.

Not really sure if the sub is working out that well. I've still got a lot of shame or guilt associated with going to a therapist. Just a lot of feelings of people silently judging and thinking they are better because they can do it all on their own. Or someone saying that all therapists are a scam. Yeah that's gonna help a depressed person's mood, tell them a source of help is a waste of time. I'm just sick of some people walking around pretending that they know how things work when really they are just operating from their own biased perspectives. The more I think about it, the more I realized I tend to go through life like a scientist. I've got a hypothesis or something I want to test, test it out trying to remain as unbiased as possible, then record my experience in my head.

I've been getting plenty of sleep, but I'm still tired. Got at least 11 hours of sleep today and woke up with that same fogged up brain feeling. Mentally I'm not sharp at all, I feel like my thoughts get jumbled up at times or when I'm typing I throw in a word that doesn't belong. I'm probably not actually getting 11 hours of sleep, the anxiety probably keeps me up at some level and prevents me from getting deep restful sleep.

[mat422]

Just another thought popped into my head.

Change is all down to me. What's that phrase? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. These subliminals give me the direction, but I have to be willing to change. And the time I have dedicated on self improvement through the years I realized one thing. I have a hard time with change. And you would think I'd jump on the idea to throw out negative beliefs and take in new ones, but that hasn't been the case.

This has been the single most difficult part for me. But I will say this, my resistance definitely is lower than it was when I first started. When I first heard about the subliminals I felt they were "unnatural" or "wrong". I was very unwilling to subject my mind to their programming. But eventually it just became a normal thing to do because I knew it made me a better person. Who knows maybe somewhere down the line I'll outgrow this ridiculous resistance to the change these subs make.

[mat422]

Shannon, if you happen to read this I have a question for you.

Are subliminals more effective with installing beliefs, than removing them? I've always noticed the subliminals when they improve something. But releasing stuff, it's like I don't notice as much.

My social anxiety has improved a bit. But there is one belief that I feel holds me back. No matter who I talk to, even my own parents, I feel like they secretly hate me. Anybody really. For the life of me I can't figure out where this came from. I feel like there are two faces to everyone, and the one they show me is a lie and underneath it they think horribly of me. Logically I see that as irrational, but obviously beliefs don't have to follow logic. The only thing I can think of is my dad. He could be two different people at times. One would be this caring father who loved me and the other one was when he was upset and would get angry at the tiniest thing. He was just a ticking time bomb, I had to be careful around him a lot of the time and not do anything to set him off because if I did he would full on rage.

Sometimes I feel like a good run through of alpha would work as a sort of shotgun approach to a lot of my problems. A lot of my childhood I don't remember, so I feel like I can't challenge a lot of my negative beliefs consciously because I can't go back or see any events that caused it. I feel like I've always been this way, but I think I was just more sensitive and I internalized a lot of crap when I was a kid that I just can't remember.

[Shannon]

It is much easier to install an entirely new belief than to alter or release one. Altering is easier than releasing when fear is holding it in place.

[HMoody]

I realized that as long as I have unnecessary fear in my life, my actions will always be fueled by fear. I don't want to have fear push me into something I have no desire to do.

My uncle was telling me how I should go back and get a bachelor degree, because it will pay for itself in the future. No. Especially if it's something that I'm doing just because I feel I need to and haven't explored other options. I'm sick of everyone pushing everyone else into debt and saying that once you get hired for a job you'll be able to pay off student loans. My uncle is still paying off his debt, that's not the kind of life I want to live. Maybe if I knew I wanted to get a degree in a specific area of study, I'd go for it. But at this point it feels like I wanted to get it just because everyone has been telling me that you need one to make it in the world.

By the time I graduate, who knows maybe a bachelors degree will be as useful as an associates. And then you have to get a masters. Then what? When everyone gets masters, you have to go for your doctorate? A level beyond doctorate? Maybe they'll have to invent one. 10 years ago college was a big deal, now almost every degree is watered down because of the over saturation of individuals with degrees.

I think what I need to do is save up money after finding a job, any job. Move someplace else, explore life for a while, and stop feeling the need to conform to what everyone tells me about get a degree, get a job, save for retirement, die. I'll be honest, that depresses me.

I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of feeling like people telling me "this is the way it is and you should do as I say, otherwise who knows what will happen". Life is so fickle. If I start making money just so I can live comfortably when I'm older, there's no guarantee of that. What if I get hit by a car and die? Then what? My entire life would have been wasted by saving up for something that never came.

This is how it's been for me since high school. Contemplating life, contemplating careers, future goals. I've always felt there is something wrong. I don't know if that was the world pushing down on me or me being depressed and projecting out into the world. Sometimes I look at the way things are and I can't stand it. I feel like for me my life has been composed of 90% suffering and 10% happiness.

I feel like most of my family thinks the answer to my problems is to "get out there" and start doing something with my life. I've always felt it doesn't matter where I go, what I do, what I accomplish, the problem is internal, not external. If I don't fix the inside, my external reality will always be a reflection of that. People who don't deal with that internal struggle just can't put themselves in my shoes, and I don't blame them. But I have to do what is good for me, not what other people think is good for me. Of course I'll heed advice and acknowledge something that can help me, but I won't blindly latch onto someone's every word.

I can understand where you are coming from and can empathize but I wonder if simply getting out there and doing something wouldn't be helpful?

Inner reality definitely drives outer reality but outer reality also affects inner reality. Take exercising for instance...you may not feel like doing it...but if you force yourself to get out there and do it then it still makes you feel better as it gives your numerous benefits including releasing endorphins, etc.

if I slump my posture like I was depressed and ashamed..then it can cause those feelings to come up. If I stand straight and hold my head high even if I'm not feeling it initially after a while I start to feel more confident. I think as human beings we are given an outer environment to interact with because it can and does effect us just as we effect our outer environment. I'm not advising you to do anything that you are not ready for but sometimes we can't simply think our way out of problems..sometimes the very act of simply doing something physical really does help as it gets us out of our heads. Being a person that is quite analytical..I tended to over think things a lot and the act of doing something physical really helps you to ground yourself and give yourself a break from all the analyzing.

[mat422]

It is much easier to install an entirely new belief than to alter or release one. Altering is easier than releasing when fear is holding it in place.

I had a feeling this was the case. Thanks for the reply.

I realized that as long as I have unnecessary fear in my life, my actions will always be fueled by fear. I don't want to have fear push me into something I have no desire to do.

My uncle was telling me how I should go back and get a bachelor degree, because it will pay for itself in the future. No. Especially if it's something that I'm doing just because I feel I need to and haven't explored other options. I'm sick of everyone pushing everyone else into debt and saying that once you get hired for a job you'll be able to pay off student loans. My uncle is still paying off his debt, that's not the kind of life I want to live. Maybe if I knew I wanted to get a degree in a specific area of study, I'd go for it. But at this point it feels like I wanted to get it just because everyone has been telling me that you need one to make it in the world.

By the time I graduate, who knows maybe a bachelors degree will be as useful as an associates. And then you have to get a masters. Then what? When everyone gets masters, you have to go for your doctorate? A level beyond doctorate? Maybe they'll have to invent one. 10 years ago college was a big deal, now almost every degree is watered down because of the over saturation of individuals with degrees.

I think what I need to do is save up money after finding a job, any job. Move someplace else, explore life for a while, and stop feeling the need to conform to what everyone tells me about get a degree, get a job, save for retirement, die. I'll be honest, that depresses me.

I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of feeling like people telling me "this is the way it is and you should do as I say, otherwise who knows what will happen". Life is so fickle. If I start making money just so I can live comfortably when I'm older, there's no guarantee of that. What if I get hit by a car and die? Then what? My entire life would have been wasted by saving up for something that never came.

This is how it's been for me since high school. Contemplating life, contemplating careers, future goals. I've always felt there is something wrong. I don't know if that was the world pushing down on me or me being depressed and projecting out into the world. Sometimes I look at the way things are and I can't stand it. I feel like for me my life has been composed of 90% suffering and 10% happiness.

I feel like most of my family thinks the answer to my problems is to "get out there" and start doing something with my life. I've always felt it doesn't matter where I go, what I do, what I accomplish, the problem is internal, not external. If I don't fix the inside, my external reality will always be a reflection of that. People who don't deal with that internal struggle just can't put themselves in my shoes, and I don't blame them. But I have to do what is good for me, not what other people think is good for me. Of course I'll heed advice and acknowledge something that can help me, but I won't blindly latch onto someone's every word.

I can understand where you are coming from and can empathize but I wonder if simply getting out there and doing something wouldn't be helpful?

Inner reality definitely drives outer reality but outer reality also affects inner reality. Take exercising for instance...you may not feel like doing it...but if you force yourself to get out there and do it then it still makes you feel better as it gives your numerous benefits including releasing endorphins, etc.

if I slump my posture like I was depressed and ashamed..then it can cause those feelings to come up. If I stand straight and hold my head high even if I'm not feeling it initially after a while I start to feel more confident. I think as human beings we are given an outer environment to interact with because it can and does effect us just as we effect our outer environment. I'm not advising you to do anything that you are not ready for but sometimes we can't simply think our way out of problems..sometimes the very act of simply doing something physical really does help as it gets us out of our heads. Being a person that is quite analytical..I tended to over think things a lot and the act of doing something physical really helps you to ground yourself and give yourself a break from all the analyzing.

No you are right. That post was written on one of my downswings. I tend to lose perspective very easily when I fall into that behavior. I'm also an analytical type and it paralyzes me from taking action at times because I want to plan out everything or figure it out first. Some days I get what I have to do and I can do it. Other days, it's really hard and I'm just not in that same mental state. When I'm capable I'm capable. And when I'm not, I'm not. When I'm in either state it's hard to imagine the opposite.

It's just a lot of frustration at times. A lot. But I've been trying to get myself out there more lately. It's rough, and some days I feel like I can't really do anything. I just try to make the best of the days where I can.

[mat422]

I guess today was a day for an epiphany. Sometimes the truth sucks, but you have to deal with it anyway. Everything in life is a challenge at times, but you just keep going. I'd rather have the belief that everything is easy and effortless, but unfortunately that hasn't been my experience. Maybe if Shannon created some kind of subliminal that encouraged that mindset I'd be all good haha.

Anyway I've been struggling with depression for a while now. I've been through phases of not knowing, to maybe understanding, to thinking it was chemical, and back to having no idea what I should do. Through that time of questioning I never felt like I had the right answer. Ok so I say I have depression, it has to originate from somewhere. Depression doesn't just exist for no reason and I don't think anti-depressants do a very good job of solving that. So now I contemplate the why behind the depression. Depression turned out to be a symptom of not being able to live the life I want to live. Which has plagued me since I was a teenager. And I'm sure millions of other people have depression because of their life situation and not a chemical imbalance. But I have sympathy for them and I refuse to tell them to "snap out of it" because I know how hard it can be. But it's important that people continue to address root issues instead of covering up.

Also depression was a kind of a defense mechanism. My biggest issue is social anxiety. By holding onto depression I was avoiding anxiety provoking situations, but avoidance doesn't solve anything. So instead of hiding under the depression as an excuse, I decided to acknowledge it, but realize it wasn't permanent and uncontrollable. This way I could start addressing the real problems instead of seeing depression as this one big scapegoat.

It's hard not to feel like you are lower than everyone when something as simple as interacting with another person causes anxiety. And that just leads to a lot of low self esteem. I think I've touched upon the guilt, fear, and shame cycle. I'm still working everything out, but at least now I'm not blaming it on something and I'm taking responsibility for my own actions more.

A lot of the challenges I face are very hard to push past with sheer willpower. And I'm trying to take baby steps. But today marks a day where I refuse to keep avoiding my problems and blaming it all on depression. It was a safe haven for me, but from now on I will strive to push my comfort zone and realize as I do that more and more the depression will lift. Depression has a root cause, and I'm aiming to fix it.

[Spiral]

This is a huge step Mat. I'm proud of you