12-16-2012, 10:18 AM
Switched back to the speakers. Not because of resistance, well maybe. But I was having some difficulty sleeping at night. Less sleep plus these subliminals just made for a really really bad feeling overall. Last night I feel like I had much better rest and things don't feel as bogged down as the past few days. Sleep is really important for me, the last thing I want to do is screw that up. Also I had a tendency to pull out my earbuds at night in a sleepy haze in order to get better rest, so yeah might have to add on a couple of days.
Not much to report on this sub. I'm still feeling depressed. But as usual I'm staying positive, watching for the negative thoughts, and just trying to make the best of things. My insurance is changing so I'm gonna have to wait before seeing a therapist. The first time I went to a therapist I told him all about my rigorous mental control and how I know my triggers and how to avoid becoming worse. I've been on a few boards for dealing with depression and what I see there kind of upsets me. Posts upon posts of people willingly pulling themselves down into that negativity and not wanting to get better. I've been there before, there's a certain kind of comfort, despite the pain, in not attempting to fight back. But to a certain degree there is a choice. While you may not be free from it, you can prevent it from getting worse. Exercising that much responsibility is important.
Depression is something that happens to you, not something that is you. Which is hard to remember when you feel like your thoughts are true and your reality is distorted by negativity. I've learned a lot over the years about not "falling in" so to speak. I can't really say that I've beaten it, I don't know what that feels like. But I do manage it. And I look forward to the day when I have beaten it.
For now I'm going to take a look back at my old journal entries from alpha and see if I can pull out anything that may help me feel good.
Not much to report on this sub. I'm still feeling depressed. But as usual I'm staying positive, watching for the negative thoughts, and just trying to make the best of things. My insurance is changing so I'm gonna have to wait before seeing a therapist. The first time I went to a therapist I told him all about my rigorous mental control and how I know my triggers and how to avoid becoming worse. I've been on a few boards for dealing with depression and what I see there kind of upsets me. Posts upon posts of people willingly pulling themselves down into that negativity and not wanting to get better. I've been there before, there's a certain kind of comfort, despite the pain, in not attempting to fight back. But to a certain degree there is a choice. While you may not be free from it, you can prevent it from getting worse. Exercising that much responsibility is important.
Depression is something that happens to you, not something that is you. Which is hard to remember when you feel like your thoughts are true and your reality is distorted by negativity. I've learned a lot over the years about not "falling in" so to speak. I can't really say that I've beaten it, I don't know what that feels like. But I do manage it. And I look forward to the day when I have beaten it.
For now I'm going to take a look back at my old journal entries from alpha and see if I can pull out anything that may help me feel good.
