12-06-2012, 11:43 AM
Ok there is definitely something strange going on here. I feel euphoric right now. And whenever I think of something that gives me anxiety it's like it's being converted into energy that gives me the courage to do it. I still have the anxiety slightly but it's like the tables have turned almost. Prior to this event the fear would squash any positive thoughts I had and was like a big bully. Now it's the opposite, the fear I have is constantly being fought back and it's like my mind is refusing to yield to it's negativity.
Come to think of it, this started in the morning. Usually I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, it's when all that negativity beats down on me. Today I was like ok I've had enough of this, I don't care what you are throwing at me I'm tired of it. But it was different, it wasn't just willpower, it was just like I could do it, that I didn't have to get sucked into that negativity. I had some coffee this morning though, I hope this isn't just me being wired up on caffeine. I only had one cup though, there's no way it could effect my emotional state this much.
And now even thinking that I'm imagining the effects here, I'm thinking to myself be quiet. This is real, this is a real positive change, don't get down on yourself with the negativity of it not being real.
I'm thinking maybe the subliminal finally broke through the resistance. I hope that's what it did. I feel like for the first time in a long time I don't have to try so hard just to maintain a state of being ok. It's just there and it feels so freeing. I honestly can't remember the last time I felt like this. I'm just hoping I'm over that huge hump and I'll be moving forward from now on. It's pretty surreal right now. Now I'm just worried I have bipolar or something and I'm going through a mania phase haha. Well I'll see how everything is tomorrow. I know life has its ups and downs, but I feel like I've been missing out on my ups and I'd like them back.
Come to think of it, this started in the morning. Usually I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, it's when all that negativity beats down on me. Today I was like ok I've had enough of this, I don't care what you are throwing at me I'm tired of it. But it was different, it wasn't just willpower, it was just like I could do it, that I didn't have to get sucked into that negativity. I had some coffee this morning though, I hope this isn't just me being wired up on caffeine. I only had one cup though, there's no way it could effect my emotional state this much.
And now even thinking that I'm imagining the effects here, I'm thinking to myself be quiet. This is real, this is a real positive change, don't get down on yourself with the negativity of it not being real.
I'm thinking maybe the subliminal finally broke through the resistance. I hope that's what it did. I feel like for the first time in a long time I don't have to try so hard just to maintain a state of being ok. It's just there and it feels so freeing. I honestly can't remember the last time I felt like this. I'm just hoping I'm over that huge hump and I'll be moving forward from now on. It's pretty surreal right now. Now I'm just worried I have bipolar or something and I'm going through a mania phase haha. Well I'll see how everything is tomorrow. I know life has its ups and downs, but I feel like I've been missing out on my ups and I'd like them back.
