07-17-2012, 01:47 PM
Ugh, after that post I've had some thoughts and quite honestly I'm so confused. I swear I've got a split personality, my ideas and whole perspective on things tend to shift. I thought I had walls up, so here I am trying to consciously bring down those walls 
.
This just further emphasizes the need for subliminals. Subconscious behaviors are just so ingrained and habits form. Yeah I put walls up at times, I've yet to get down to why but I am getting better. At first when I had that realization everything seemed so obvious. I had that initial euphoria of "yeah this all makes sense! I just have to do x y and z and I'll be all good!". Well while I'm not opposed to being overly friendly, I am opposed of it as a way to protect myself.
I just feel like some realizations work for a day, but then I realize it was more of a bandaid solution and I still wasn't being myself. Whether that's being too cold or just too friendly to avoid rejection, I'm still not being myself. Quite honestly that's where I want to be. Not have to think about this stuff and just be myself. I dug a hole for myself for so many years hiding myself through bad habits.
But I will say that realization did teach me something about mindset and how I've been ashamed of being more mature, particularly with women. I hate how some guys are dicks to women, and when you treat a woman fairly, not even sucking up to her, you are labeled a wuss who isn't a manly man. But you gotta wonder why most those guys put down women in the first place and I'm pretty sure I know why. They fear them, in their eyes they still see women as higher up than them. So they do stupid stuff to bring them down.
Of course it goes both ways. Women are unnecessarily cruel to some guys as well. A woman treating a guy poorly just because he's a guy, well that sucks just as much as a guy treating a woman poorly because she's a woman. But I'm just noticing how neurotic and paranoid both sexes get about the opposite sex. In the end it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where both sexes treat each other wrongly.
. This just further emphasizes the need for subliminals. Subconscious behaviors are just so ingrained and habits form. Yeah I put walls up at times, I've yet to get down to why but I am getting better. At first when I had that realization everything seemed so obvious. I had that initial euphoria of "yeah this all makes sense! I just have to do x y and z and I'll be all good!". Well while I'm not opposed to being overly friendly, I am opposed of it as a way to protect myself.
I just feel like some realizations work for a day, but then I realize it was more of a bandaid solution and I still wasn't being myself. Whether that's being too cold or just too friendly to avoid rejection, I'm still not being myself. Quite honestly that's where I want to be. Not have to think about this stuff and just be myself. I dug a hole for myself for so many years hiding myself through bad habits.
But I will say that realization did teach me something about mindset and how I've been ashamed of being more mature, particularly with women. I hate how some guys are dicks to women, and when you treat a woman fairly, not even sucking up to her, you are labeled a wuss who isn't a manly man. But you gotta wonder why most those guys put down women in the first place and I'm pretty sure I know why. They fear them, in their eyes they still see women as higher up than them. So they do stupid stuff to bring them down.
Of course it goes both ways. Women are unnecessarily cruel to some guys as well. A woman treating a guy poorly just because he's a guy, well that sucks just as much as a guy treating a woman poorly because she's a woman. But I'm just noticing how neurotic and paranoid both sexes get about the opposite sex. In the end it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where both sexes treat each other wrongly.
