07-15-2012, 03:02 PM
I know I've definitely said it before, but I've got a wall. Some days this wall is down and I'm ok with people. Some days this wall is all built up around me. When it's down I can feel free to express myself and bad things don't affect me. But when it's up, I have to temporarily bring it down sometimes. And if something bothers me it's like a sharp stab and I pull myself back inwards and put that wall back up. I can't walk around with a mask on my entire life.
I'm writing this down now, but I know there are going to be days where I'm not even aware of putting up that wall. That's the hardest part, I feel like it is somewhat of a subconscious habit. I've noticed the more I hide myself the worse I usually feel. Everyone's advice is always be yourself, this hasn't been something that has come easy to me. It's not that I pretend to be someone I'm not, it's just that I cover myself up and hide away. I just have to try to acknowledge when it happens and consciously address it.
I'm writing this down now, but I know there are going to be days where I'm not even aware of putting up that wall. That's the hardest part, I feel like it is somewhat of a subconscious habit. I've noticed the more I hide myself the worse I usually feel. Everyone's advice is always be yourself, this hasn't been something that has come easy to me. It's not that I pretend to be someone I'm not, it's just that I cover myself up and hide away. I just have to try to acknowledge when it happens and consciously address it.
