10-03-2016, 08:42 PM
Day 29
I thought that I would spend the last of my days on DMSI without writing to the journal, but a lot of internal changes have been happening. I have always believed that the best way to deal with any internal strife is to write it out. Writing has always helped me deal with my emotional issues. It started after I lost someone.
These past few days have been exhausting for me in a physical and emotional way. I missed work the past two days and I am missing work again tomorrow. I've spent that time sleeping. I literally slept for the past two days straight. I still run DMSI V2.4 every night. I will for another 16 days or so.
I'm not getting to the point of my entry.
Last night I had a dream of one of my ex's. In the dream she was pregnant. We were going to have a girl. I remember feeling her stomach and it was hard. The baby was encased inside of an egg shell that was inside of her stomach. In the dream she kept hitting her stomach. She didn't want the baby and was trying to crack the shell.
I also had other dreams of being on top of a glacier, watching snowboarders ride down the steep mountain sides.
And then I was in Japan.
The headaches were so bad today that I had to pop two advils. Even then the headache didn't go away. It didn't go away until I had some realization about my desires related to women. The realization came to me while I was half sleeping.
I think the only way I can explain what it is that happened is my mind has come to the realization that I need to take physical actions with the women I meet.
I also had dreams of walking through the grand canyon.
I was watching Westworld tonight - the new show on HBO. I kind of feel like that is my life right now.
Since starting DMSI, my brain is in a fog and time has slowed down completely. Beyond that, the things that once mattered to me no longer matter.
There is something deep inside of me that is changing and I'm not sure yet what the total change is.
All I know for sure is that I refuse to live my life the way I had been up until now. Something has to change. I am going to change it. I have to at this point.
With the first change being that I can't work for someone else anymore...
I thought that I would spend the last of my days on DMSI without writing to the journal, but a lot of internal changes have been happening. I have always believed that the best way to deal with any internal strife is to write it out. Writing has always helped me deal with my emotional issues. It started after I lost someone.
These past few days have been exhausting for me in a physical and emotional way. I missed work the past two days and I am missing work again tomorrow. I've spent that time sleeping. I literally slept for the past two days straight. I still run DMSI V2.4 every night. I will for another 16 days or so.
I'm not getting to the point of my entry.
Last night I had a dream of one of my ex's. In the dream she was pregnant. We were going to have a girl. I remember feeling her stomach and it was hard. The baby was encased inside of an egg shell that was inside of her stomach. In the dream she kept hitting her stomach. She didn't want the baby and was trying to crack the shell.
I also had other dreams of being on top of a glacier, watching snowboarders ride down the steep mountain sides.
And then I was in Japan.
The headaches were so bad today that I had to pop two advils. Even then the headache didn't go away. It didn't go away until I had some realization about my desires related to women. The realization came to me while I was half sleeping.
I think the only way I can explain what it is that happened is my mind has come to the realization that I need to take physical actions with the women I meet.
I also had dreams of walking through the grand canyon.
I was watching Westworld tonight - the new show on HBO. I kind of feel like that is my life right now.
Since starting DMSI, my brain is in a fog and time has slowed down completely. Beyond that, the things that once mattered to me no longer matter.
There is something deep inside of me that is changing and I'm not sure yet what the total change is.
All I know for sure is that I refuse to live my life the way I had been up until now. Something has to change. I am going to change it. I have to at this point.
With the first change being that I can't work for someone else anymore...
