DMSI Journey

[RoaringLion]

Update for those interested:
https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/co...h=15df0e8d

I'm a single man now. Had a date last night, it was fun but ended early (8:30pm) in the friend zone. Mostly because of language barrier. I kissed her hair and flirted a bit but it got awkward when we ran out of things to talk about.

I was cheating a little bit, I had Poetry of the Silent Eros #1 playing silently on my phone in my pocket during the date. That's just sex noise, no English right? She can't speak a word of English. Also that shouldn't mess with DMSI right? Since there's no words.

Reminds me, I was so drunk when I got home last night I forgot to play DMSI (went clubbing after the date, free drinks all night because they wanted me to get laid after I told them my story). That's the first time I forgot.

Flying home in a few hours, just chilling in the motel lobby enjoying the wifi.

I get the impression that Chinese culture is largely responsible for this, especially when mixed with certain religious beliefs.

Absolutely, I'll testify to that.

Many of the girls here want to get married and give sex next to no importance.

It's funny the polar extremes here, Chinese single women also have a reputation for being easy, especially with foreigners. Big population gives a wide range I suppose.

I was trying to get some of that before I left but was unsuccessful. Nevermind, just warming up!

I still meet girls that like sex here and there are many foreign d**k hunters around in clubs. I'm just comparing to the west. As a foreigner some want to use you for money and probably won't give it up anyway. Hadn't happened to me but my friend was asked to buy an iPhone 6 for a girl, back when they were the newest.

[Lucius]

Update for those interested:
https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/co...h=15df0e8d

I am so happy for you. I can't wait to read updates when you touch down in NZ.

Live high (on life ), Live mighty, Live FREE!

[Shannon]

Update for those interested:
https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/co...h=15df0e8d

I'm a single man now. Had a date last night, it was fun but ended early (8:30pm) in the friend zone. Mostly because of language barrier. I kissed her hair and flirted a bit but it got awkward when we ran out of things to talk about.

I was cheating a little bit, I had Poetry of the Silent Eros #1 playing silently on my phone in my pocket during the date. That's just sex noise, no English right? She can't speak a word of English. Also that shouldn't mess with DMSI right? Since there's no words.

Reminds me, I was so drunk when I got home last night I forgot to play DMSI (went clubbing after the date, free drinks all night because they wanted me to get laid after I told them my story). That's the first time I forgot.

Flying home in a few hours, just chilling in the motel lobby enjoying the wifi.

I get the impression that Chinese culture is largely responsible for this, especially when mixed with certain religious beliefs.

Absolutely, I'll testify to that.

Many of the girls here want to get married and give sex next to no importance.

It's funny the polar extremes here, Chinese single women also have a reputation for being easy, especially with foreigners. Big population gives a wide range I suppose.

I was trying to get some of that before I left but was unsuccessful. Nevermind, just warming up!

PSE uses no script. However, it is not necessarily a good idea to play it to a sexually reserved woman, especially on the first date. If you push her to too much focus on sex or sexual arousal too fast, she will ASD. And given how reserved sexually the Chinese I have encountered are, that may have actually backfired on you. Especially if you played it at too high a volume. It wasn't tested on Orientals, so I don't know what to tell you exactly on when or how to use it.

[ShanghaiKiwi]

Ok thanks for the tip Shannon. I'll bear that in mind.

So I'm still stuck here in China, couldn't get on the plane without a visa so now I'm preparing to go back to my ex's hometown to get another visa. Still haven't gotten laid yet but I did make a really good friend with one girl. She doesn't want a romantic or sexual relationship (I think I was coming on too strong) but still really wants to hang out and I realized, the friend zone isn't such a bad thing. (A) I really need a friend right now with all the crap I'm going through with my visa, (B) nothing bad could ever come out from spending lots of time with gorgeous women. Maybe she might introduce me to a friend? Anyway it's good to just learn how to be around women.

My dad made an interesting comment yesterday. He said 'you're not an alpha male, neither am I, just accept it. You can't just walk up to a woman and get her to come home with you, you have to take the route of becoming her friend'. It made me think 'hmm, I should take the AM sub'. Like I'm all for making lots of friends who are girls, but right now I really want a one night stand or a FWB. I don't know how to initiate that, and end up making friends instead. Friends are great in the long term but in the short term I really need to have amazing sex with someone who isn't my ex wife.

[Shannon]

Ok thanks for the tip Shannon. I'll bear that in mind.

So I'm still stuck here in China, couldn't get on the plane without a visa so now I'm preparing to go back to my ex's hometown to get another visa. Still haven't gotten laid yet but I did make a really good friend with one girl. She doesn't want a romantic or sexual relationship (I think I was coming on too strong) but still really wants to hang out and I realized, the friend zone isn't such a bad thing. (A) I really need a friend right now with all the crap I'm going through with my visa, (B) nothing bad could ever come out from spending lots of time with gorgeous women. Maybe she might introduce me to a friend? Anyway it's good to just learn how to be around women.

My dad made an interesting comment yesterday. He said 'you're not an alpha male, neither am I, just accept it. You can't just walk up to a woman and get her to come home with you, you have to take the route of becoming her friend'. It made me think 'hmm, I should take the AM sub'. Like I'm all for making lots of friends who are girls, but right now I really want a one night stand or a FWB. I don't know how to initiate that, and end up making friends instead. Friends are great in the long term but in the short term I really need to have amazing sex with someone who isn't my ex wife.

If you want to try using PSE, start with very low volumes and see what the responses are. Also use it as an enhancer, not the only method of arousing her. For skittish women, it must be congruent.

As for your dad's advice, I have only this to say. The man who says he can, and the man who says he can't are both right. I believe it was Thomas Ford who said that... meaning, whatever you believe to be true with regards to what you can or cannot do, you will make true by virtue of your actions resulting from that belief.

[Benjamin]

The advice from your dad is horrible and will get you nowhere, try not to take on the limitations hes attempting to project onto you.

[ShanghaiKiwi]

Thanks guys I appreciate that.

This girl is a little confusing. She knows I've totally got the hots for her but hasn't made it any less ambiguous whether or not this is going to go further. Yet she is still happy to go do heaps of stuff together like badminton, rock climbing, try out a bunch of restaurants and generally spend heaps of time alone together. My guess is that she's leaving the door wide open for it to develop into something sexual but she doesn't want to go too fast. I'm open to that. She's an awesome woman.

However as long as I'm not her boyfriend, there's nothing to be loyal about. When it is, I will be. Am I missing something? She told me straight up she isn't going to sleep with me and just wants to be friends. Then when I tell her I like her for who she is and am not just trying to get in her pants she behaves like she wants to be best-friends-forever. As far as I can see it at face value, that's exactly all I should expect and I should enjoy it for what it is. It's great to have a friend like that, I'm not complaining. I might ask her if she has any friends who want a foreigner for a boyfriend. Am I wrong here or am I missing something? I don't understand women very well.

She either just wants to be friends, or she does like me but she's suspicious that I'm just going to have sex with her then break her heart. Thoughts?

[chaosvrgn]

Thanks guys I appreciate that.

This girl is a little confusing. She knows I've totally got the hots for her but hasn't made it any less ambiguous whether or not this is going to go further. Yet she is still happy to go do heaps of stuff together like badminton, rock climbing, try out a bunch of restaurants and generally spend heaps of time alone together. My guess is that she's leaving the door wide open for it to develop into something sexual but she doesn't want to go too fast. I'm open to that. She's an awesome woman.

However as long as I'm not her boyfriend, there's nothing to be loyal about. When it is, I will be. Am I missing something? She told me straight up she isn't going to sleep with me and just wants to be friends. Then when I tell her I like her for who she is and am not just trying to get in her pants she behaves like she wants to be best-friends-forever. As far as I can see it at face value, that's exactly all I should expect and I should enjoy it for what it is. It's great to have a friend like that, I'm not complaining. I might ask her if she has any friends who want a foreigner for a boyfriend. Am I wrong here or am I missing something? I don't understand women very well.

She's not being confusing at all. She told you straight to your face that you're now in the friendzone. If you don't want to be in the friendzone, you have two choices at this point. One -- Let her know that you're not interested in just being friends, and if she wants to continue spending time with you, she'll have to break off some of that poonanny. Two -- If you want to just be her friend and think you can handle it, just be her friend. Limit your investment, both financially and emotionally. Don't get oneitis. You're a free man now, there's no reason why you should get stuck on a single woman at this point. Go out, explore. Have some fun.

Funny thing is, the moment she sees you with other women, she's suddenly going to develop feelings for you.

[ShanghaiKiwi]

Thanks very much! That's what I was thinking. Okay I'm fine with the friend zone, much better than nothing. But now that I'm clear I know how to behave with her. Thanks!

[ShanghaiKiwi]

I'm not trying to be an @ss BUT.....didn't your STBXW treat you like a "friend" in the bedroom, and you weren't fine with that.

Why settle for that again?

You live in a world of abundance....

Remember your goal!!

Yes! Right!
Thanks dude thats exactly the kind of thing I need to hear. Thanks for the reminder!

I honestly have no idea how to initiate a one night stand, having never done it before. I never know whats appropriate or not. I stole a few kisses, told them I think they're beautiful etc, but I'm always having to be careful of drawing the line between charming and creepy. I don't know what to do, which is why I still haven't got laid yet.

I asked a girl if she wanted to come back to my motel room once, she didn't slap me but made it clear I was friend-zoned. I don't know under what conditions its appropriate to pop that question, or how to bring about such conditions.

[ShanghaiKiwi]

However this new friend of mine is very helpful. She knows I really want to get laid and gives me advice and stuff, she's like a hot chick wingman who I can message on wechat and ask questions. I also continue to flirt with her like crazy.

[JackOfHearts]

I'm not trying to be an @ss BUT.....didn't your STBXW treat you like a "friend" in the bedroom, and you weren't fine with that.

Why settle for that again?

You live in a world of abundance....

Remember your goal!!

Yes! Right!
Thanks dude thats exactly the kind of thing I need to hear. Thanks for the reminder!

I honestly have no idea how to initiate a one night stand, having never done it before. I never know whats appropriate or not. I stole a few kisses, told them I think they're beautiful etc, but I'm always having to be careful of drawing the line between charming and creepy. I don't know what to do, which is why I still haven't got laid yet.

I asked a girl if she wanted to come back to my motel room once, she didn't slap me but made it clear I was friend-zoned. I don't know under what conditions its appropriate to pop that question, or how to bring about such conditions.

I never tell a girl directly that I want to have sex with her when I don't know her yet. I always do it indirectly, then I push in the direction I want them to be. For example instead of inviting her to your hotel you could told her to come see a movie or something, listening to a music, or showing her something. Then you proceed to escalate, I never tell them directly I want to kiss or I want to have sex. Some girl don't care about it, they will respond well even if you ask directly but some won't. Even if I had sex with girl already I usually avoid to ask her directly for sex, I just kiss her still she can't hold it together or I caress her in the right direction. Usually girls don't like to be asked for sex even if they want to. At the same time for you it's easier, you don't have to have an awkward conversation about it.

The problem when you ask directly is that you offer her a choice, and most girls will take the safest answer. When you act instead of talking you already did it so she is more likely to comply, she still have a choice to refuse but she has less responsibility, she can put all the blame on you, her reputation is safe, she is not wh**re who says yes to every guy. In this circumstances she can say she was caught in the moment, she doesn't have to think, it just happened.

[ShanghaiKiwi]

I never tell a girl directly that I want to have sex with her when I don't know her yet. I always do it indirectly, then I push in the direction I want them to be. For example instead of inviting her to your hotel you could told her to come see a movie or something, listening to a music, or showing her something. Then you proceed to escalate, I never tell them directly I want to kiss or I want to have sex. Some girl don't care about it, they will respond well even if you ask directly but some won't. Even if I had sex with girl already I usually avoid to ask her directly for sex, I just kiss her still she can't hold it together or I caress her in the right direction. Usually girls don't like to be asked for sex even if they want to. At the same time for you it's easier, you don't have to have an awkward conversation about it.

The problem when you ask directly is that you offer her a choice, and most girls will take the safest answer. When you act instead of talking you already did it so she is more likely to comply, she still have a choice to refuse but she has less responsibility, she can put all the blame on you, her reputation is safe, she is not wh**re who says yes to every guy. In this circumstances she can say she was caught in the moment, she doesn't have to think, it just happened.

Great advice! Thanks. I'm going to remember this.