DMSI 3.2b/a - dissonance

[SargeMaximus]

Yeah. I feel you. I just feel guilty the past two days cuz she texts me everyday and asks me if i've tried this restuarnat or been to this place, etc (i feel like she asks me cuz she wants to go to these places with me), and that she is maybe heading into relationship direction, and all i want from her is friend with benefits/fuckbuddy type.

I've definitely noticed girls seem to put me in relationship category on DMSI. I suppose I still need to learn how to be more player but I'm not paying for dinners, blowing up their phones, or supplicating so I think that's a 100% "affected-side" issue.

[Leo1990]

Yeah. I feel you. I just feel guilty the past two days cuz she texts me everyday and asks me if i've tried this restuarnat or been to this place, etc (i feel like she asks me cuz she wants to go to these places with me), and that she is maybe heading into relationship direction, and all i want from her is friend with benefits/fuckbuddy type.

See her 1x, 2x max a week for the fwb category. But tell her obviously if shes not getting it.

[dissonance]

Ok i mentioned to her about whats on my mind. She confirmed shes ok with a casual FWB type thing. Even asked me to tell her before i see other girls just so she knows because she doesn't want potential STDs, cuz it fucked up 4 years of her life because of STD problem in the past. I'm gonna keep fucking her lol. Also gonna look for more girls though.

[dissonance]

About 2 weeks ago i started listening to 2 loops a day for 3.2a. Last weekend, I relapsed in fapping, two days in a row. I rationalized to myself that since Im getting sex now, fapping to ejaculation won't hurt my confidence and dopamine receptors and life energy, but I was wrong. I totally rationalized myself into doing it two days in a row to resist, because now I said some things and did some unconfident texting to a few girls that i been talking to on tinder. Probably fucked up the chances with them, not sure though.

Anyways, I'm gonna keep trying 2 loops just to see how it goes. I know now, that it can slip in those resistance self-sabotage actions like a sneaky silent assassin. Gotta be careful!!!

[dissonance]

Relapsed in gaming about 1.5 weeks ago, but now I stopped. Started to try 3 loops yesterday. Today I'm going to do 4 loops. 5 days of the week I have work and on those days its impossible to do more than 4-5 loops, which is a bummer because I want to try 7 loops.

Shannon, is it ok if i do 7 loops, but grouped in two sessions in different times of the day? For example in the morning i do 4 loops and night i do 3 loops?

[Shannon]

Just do 7 loops while you sleep.

[dissonance]

Been sticking to 1-2 loops. I tried 4-5 loops and i was just way too fatigued and would be falling asleep in the middle of the day.

On a side note (or main note lol), went on a tinder date yesterday with this girl. She spontaneously texted me if i was free that night on a whim. I almost gave in to fear and asked her if another day was ok. But i didn't. So, we went to a bar drank a bit, she seemed nervous or something. She downed the drink she got lol. I asked if she wanted to kick it at her place. She said sure. Went over. Made some observations about things in her room and small talk about that. Sat/layed on the bed and browsed through netflix together. Cuddled, watched a bit of a movie, i made my move then we had sex.

Progress and improvement feels SO good.

[dissonance]

A very weird dream happened last night:

Friend wanted to help me by tellin me that my bro asked for help in some task in his home. I get mad at Friend that he wants to force a healing or something between me and my bro. I tell him stop trying to artificially heal me and my bro by telling me to do something my bro didn’t ask me for and that that just makes me associate my bro with more annoyance than good thoughts if I let things heal myself naturally. Then Friend says to me you’re a very very scarred person, and soon it’s all going to unravel and all these girls you’re seeing will see the real you. But more in a “real talk” type of tone (he used to be my best friend; we just haven’t talked in a while because he lives in the other side of the country). He is visiting his hometown though (where I still am) for several days in about a week. Also, he is a psychologist/therapist working at a private practice lol.

What could this mean and/or what could my subconscious's purpose of giving me this dream be?

[Benjamin]

Sounds to me that it's working on that fear of girls 'seeing the real you' so it's bringing it up in the dream. And also possibly something around your brother. I remember on E2 I had dreams about old friends and suddenly encountered them and noticed something was different.

[dissonance]

What was different?

[dissonance]

Did 7 loops during the day yesterday because I didn't have work. Then, last night I had this crazy mindblowing dream. I can't remember the details and forgot lots of aspects of it, but I just remember it seemed very real and mindblowingly nuts. Things I remember are somehow i was being pulled into a spiral under the ground, spiraling in a circle being pulled into or around the fabric of reality, and at some point later, some psychic (who i perceived to be some higher being/entity) saved my life and said if he didn't use his powers to stop what was happening and bring me back, i'd be dead. Also, I remember i wasnt the only one that he saved, and i forgot what the reason or context was of the being sucked or pulled around the blanket of reality. It think it was something about me trying to do something or go somewhere in another reality vs the current reality or something like that, but that's just a vague guess judging on how i felt about the dream upon waking (or maybe i didn't even wake yet; i cant remember) in the middle of the night, at which point i was half asleep and still wasnt sure if it was a real event or a dream.

[Benjamin]

What was different?

It was mostly forgiveness, I was angry at them as they went weird when I first lost weight. A few of them I reconnected with and still see sometimes now.

One of them, who was the most negative influence. I seen him on E2 after not seeing him for a few years, talked to him and realized I wasn't as angry anymore. But the other thing is, with him I decided that I didn't want to 'reunite' with him and hang out with him again because of alot of his bullshit.

Where I was really hurt and angry at it before, now i'm ok and know that i'd rather not have him in my life. Especially now that the friends I have now are more positive, supportive and not trying to bring me down like he used to.

[dissonance]

Random tidbit. There's this 18 year old perfect body girl at my work that I know is kinda into me, but I'm not THAT into her, even though she's gorgeous. About a week ago, we were talking, and I just decided to give her some intense, deeply erotic yet loving (don't know how else to describe my vibe i was giving) eye contact for fun to see how she'd react. She totally became flustered and made big body movements and talking faster and her tone of voice and small mannerisms totally gave off the sign that she was "hot and bothered". It was very funny, and EMPOWERING to be able to do that. I never really thought about it till now, but I'm realizing now that this is something that would have been a completely foreign, nerve-racking, and undeserving thing to even consider doing but DMSI is my good friend and has helped me. Ever since that moment, she has been even more friendly and excited to talk to me and outgoing with me, even initiating physical touch a couple times. Can't wait till 3.3 and beyond.... I just cannot fucking imagine lol.

By the way Shannon, if you're reading this, it'd be really great if you can create the monogamous version of this once DMSI is finished so that it only affects your partner and no one else. There's a certain amazing girl I'm heading in certain directions with it seems...