DMSI 3.2A and B: Time for Change

[mat422]

Dmsi is about embodying the reality of being sexually attractive, but in my experience it hits a ton of other things that will improve your life. It's not simply about getting laid, getting laid is the result of what dmsi accomplishes. Any guy can get laid if he tries hard enough, but in my opinion dmsi challenges that idea that guys have to do all the approaching and "hunting".

You'll do well on DMSI. It's not limiting in any way compared to AM6 trust me on this.

[findingme]

One thing I can tell u is that I am much more less dependent on my middle bro ever since I started DMSI. I feel as if I don't need his help to do anything.. The only thing stopping is the lack of energy and motivation. U can say that Intention is there but the will to do is not there...

I was also raped when I was like 10.. Didn't knew what it was but that dude ***** me real bad. Didn't tell that to anyone.. I even had dreams about that guy when I was on different subs...But with time and subs every thing heals.

If u wanna save others then you gotta save urself first. Only then will u have the strength to save others

I checked my email on my phone today, read your post.....and I wanted to cry. I was in a small quiet break room with one other guy, and I only held it in since....I feared downplaying how I really felt when/if he noticed (I shake when I cry deeply).

I felt known. I felt sad that people loved me--and I've led a lifestyle to keep everyone out. I felt young, like I felt at that time, seeking his attention and finding it frequently.

And I also felt the pain in my own words as I re-read what I wrote this morning. That's why I wanted to cry. To let it out. This did keep me emotionally honest with myself most of the day; I had some laughs with a coworker, but this sadness has remained in me. Thank you for that.

Your admission was very courageous too. I'm sorry you had this happen as well. I'll definitely eye your DMSI posts closer now. I'll "get it" now when looking at them.

Lastly, I'll say I am grateful I have this possibility of healing. I've been in numerous counselor's and therapist's offices, many years of different 12 step meetings, and like AM, the stuff's been dug up--and it's still sitting there. I've sought solutions for YEARS. And still am.

Thank you Shannon for putting in so much life-saving work, as subs are (at least in part) saving MY LIFE--from never changing. THANK YOU.

[findingme]

I really do hope this sub heals you guys, or helps you benefit in some way

Me too. No...me 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.............you get my point

[findingme]

Dmsi is about embodying the reality of being sexually attractive, but in my experience it hits a ton of other things that will improve your life. It's not simply about getting laid, getting laid is the result of what dmsi accomplishes. Any guy can get laid if he tries hard enough, but in my opinion dmsi challenges that idea that guys have to do all the approaching and "hunting".

You'll do well on DMSI. It's not limiting in any way compared to AM6 trust me on this.

Thanks Matt. And thank you for clarifying what DMSI is really about. "Getting laid" won't heal me....... but I won't deny it Thank you for being specific.

[findingme]

Regarding DMSI doing a "ton of other things", I had an encounter last night while walking into a dollar store.

I've known this woman for decades now (from 12 step meetings I'd see her in), so this--for me--was a first. I saw her, she noticed me, and she approached me. I called her by name, though she didn't seem to remember mine. What I realized was I usually don't stay talking with people I haven't shared much with.

But I stayed talking with her for 20 minutes (just outside the store's entrance), and I finally made the suggestion that we go inside to shop. I was tired, having driven there right from work. She prompted a lot of our conversation: money, taking care of ourselves, etc. I'm not attracted to her in any way really, but she was sweet. And lonely. So I stayed and talked. It was innocent. She did say "you look like you're taking care of yourself" about 15 minutes in. Had I been attracted, I might of shot it back to her. I wasn't thinking like that. Damn............ I was relating almost like I do with my mom---wish it weren't true. But I was following her lead to stay present in the conversation.

I've just never had any experience like that--for I wished to be PRESENT. I was.

And today--another DMSI realization. Maybe it was TID since I'm not on DMSI yet (starting 5/11/18), but I realized I'm often held back by fear in discussions with men. I was riding with my coworker, we were exchanging thoughts and ideas about different topics, and I had a realization that "if this wall of fear dropped, I might share my OWN thoughts". For I mostly just react to guy's (or gal's) statements.

Maybe it's the Anxiety Relief that's in it. I own ARA, ran it a few nights 2 months back, and my mind was OPEN most of the following days immediately after. Without fear, I'll say my thoughts around other people. Most imagined stress is from thinking I'll say what I really don't want to. And I think me saying FUBAR stuff is all self sabotage. Me throwing in dynamite makes "it" the immediate focus, not me--so it keeps me "safe". I've done it enough times to just keep my mouth shut.

I look forward to DMSI, for many reasons. For being honest with myself, and being honest with....everyone else. There will be lots of "firsts".

[findingme]

Today is a down day for me; no work. I'm meeting some friends at 3.

I am off E2 since Shannon says give it a week off before starting another. I've been exploring the forum, and I'm frustrated. I'm reading about Anxiety Relief Aid, which I own, and I miss it. I'm on Stefloan's journal....and being anxiety free seems like my whole life's goal. I would never have stated that before. I thought my feelings were "normal". "Everyone has this, don't they?"

Well, I do, most definitely.

I'd of never seen this before picking up ARA since anxiety is very constant, not in and out. It stays around, influences nearly EVERY decision I make, and I do mean every.

And so, I've lived with it non-stop, making room for it on a day by day basis. For example, my coworker asked me what I had planned this weekend. I've known two constants of my friends on Saturday and my mom on Sunday.

He asked "ever go to the beach Saturday mornings?" No. (Not in the last 15 years or so; my wife-to-be and I went to watch a sunrise once)

Why? Why don't I do enjoyable things?

My anxiety says "he'll/she'll reject you/judge you" when I'm out. I imagine that they tell me what I can or can not do. I really follow this. And I've lived with it for decades.

Holy S***! I just listened to my thoughts. When I fail to listen to myself in public around others, I really, really judge and beat up MYSELF in the worst possible way. I'll give someone else attention before I'll listen to what I need. Berating myself is inevitable. I feel like s*** then isolate to protect myself from allowing myself harm once again.

Gonna go back and soak up some of Stefloan's journal. Maybe he had some breakthroughs.

----I know DMSI has ARA in it. That's why I posted this here.

[mat422]

I understand that so much. Anxiety has limited my life severely in the past. In my opinion it's a consequence of dealing with serious anxiety issues growing up and then creating a whole life around anxiety vs living life. It's a coping mechanism, one we learned. We did the best we could do with what resources were available to us growing up. But the good news is we don't have to follow those patterns anymore. The first major step I took with improving and not letting anxiety control me was acknowledging that anxiety wasn't some untouchable thing. It had been for years, but I slowly came to realize I have control over it. Or at the very least I can challenge it. When I used to blame everything on anxiety I found myself not taking responsibility for my actions and dealing with the anxiety. I let it dictate what I chose to do in my life. The more awareness you gain about what causes the anxiety and how you create it, the more you'll understand it's just another concept we've created in our heads. Instead of this massive juggernaut of control it becomes a problem that can be solved.

[findingme]

I let it dictate what I chose to do in my life.

I have too. I sit here realizing I've.....been disappointed in myself for not following a work-at-home avenue. I've felt this a hundred times in the last 4 years, as I looked and looked for these income opportunities.

Now, I'm nervous admitting this--but I looked to work at home to cope with/avoid the anxiety. That was my major reason for doing so.

I own a system that simpy works if I put it to use. And my views of "I can make money working from home" clash with "I owe it to myself to stay with this big company".

I could go on and on, creating more anxiety for myself. Not good, not good...... I'll do DMSI and see if my focus changes, for in truth, I enjoy working around others as a giver and a receiver--I really do, for it feeds me. I grew up that way.

But my thoughts on working at home are primarily based on saving me from anxiety, as it's hiding I'm doing. Nothing more, nothing less.

I'd still love to know I could make extra money without much work--but without the anxiety tendrils too. I'll wait on DMSI.

[findingme]

I've replied to a few posts I could relate with today. I cancelled on visiting my mom today since I feel used emotionally when I'm there. I intended and succeeded in doing something for me, meaning I am giving myself attention. Writing here is my outlet today.

I have been lying to myself today, and I'm seeing it though I'm not on any IML subs (TID?). I've been hiding my pain from myself.

I'm mad and hurt since my 13 year old daughter hasn't replied to any text, call, Instagram post, or FB post in 3 weeks. This has been hurting me. I was thinking of this Friday night, and I realized I've expected her to help me fulfill my fatherly duties of allowing me to love her. Without that, I see myself as "failing" as a father. In truth, I feel rejected. This is so f***ed up since I'm supposed to be independent, self reliant, and supposedly seen as needed by her. S***, she blew that one away. I call, throw out a prompt to a short conversation, and she ignores me. I'm sick of seeking her out.

But..........what I'm hurting about is my LACK of self-love. I tend to feel empty without other's involvement in my life. I am an introvert, but introverts gain energy by having time with one or a few close people. Extroverts are energized by throngs of people.

I realized this when I'd responded to 2 or 3 people today, but my replies (to me) were saying "NOTICE ME!! I am LONELY!"

Admission: I thought (as I'd seen this growing up) that I couldn't help MYSELF. That I, of all people, was powerless to love myself. I am not kidding. I witnessed my mom time and time again weeping since she was drinking, people had steered clear of her, and she was left very, very lonely. I thought "one NEEDS other people to be loved." She played helpless and did it time and time again. I never saw her loving herself or doing good things to and for herself. Today, nothing's different.

The trouble, the real trouble with this "helpless" thinking, is that it can lead me to manipulate and lie to myself and others to receive some bits of love. I've considered contacting my ex to prompt my daughter to contact me, but that's not coming from my daughter's desire to contact me. It's coming out of my ex's need to "look like you're a good parent", which is light years away from loving guidance. My ex is a very ill emotionally. And my daughter, a smart girl, sees that, but follows it since she has no other models.

I'm very serious. I am unsure if one can love themselves adequately when others are not around. And a thought I battle is "you're not allowed to do that".

Thank *** DMSI is stronger than E2. E2 helped me feel loved and adequate after it unearthed a root, and I've heard healing times are pretty quick on DMSI. Only 5 more days.

[Zane]

I am kinda excited to see how u will change on DMSI 3.2. I can tell u one thing for sure.. You are gonna see changes both in ur inner and outer world that is gonna surprise u alot...

That self-love talk u were talking about.. I used to think about that 2 years ago.. But I didn't knew how to love myself deeply and truly.. Yet here I am here planning what I wanna do in future and how its gonna make me happy...

Being Honest with urself helps in healing... I mean u cant heal a wound if u keep hiding it or lieing about it.. In the end it's our loss cause we r the one who are gonna bleed to death.. Slowly and Slowly

[findingme]

Thank you Zane. That made me cry ("hiding a wound")

[Greenduck]

Hi man!

Did read about your issues and I can both relate and hopefully give you some insight on it.

Anxiety, Lack of self love, neediness - all stems from an inactive/blocked heart chakra. It's the place where we find peace inside ourselves, connection with nature, and love. If you haven't read any about it, I would recommend you took a look at it, there can be some things to be learned from that.

Do you do meditation, breathing exercises or cardio training? All those things are ways to open up the heart chakra.

An imbalance in the heart chakra can also be based in a imbalance in your root chakra which can be caused from long time worry, anxiety and/or physical or emotional trauma. In that case, meditation is also a good way to unblock it.

I too have been needy for attention from others too feel good and I know how much that hole hurts and affect your way of behaving. It's like an addiction. But now I am fine just being me, just beeing. Not being to affected by others attention, but providing it for myself. You can do it to, it just take some time and directed effort towards your problem area.

[findingme]

Thanks for your imput Greenduck, but I don't do chakras. They're all spiritually based, and I'm not of that background. Thanks anyway man.

[findingme]

Regarding my daughter, I did contact my ex requesting my daughter call me. And she did. The full story is a little embarrassing, but I'll spill.

I had rode with a driver last Friday who's immature, imo. He has a kid from a prior relationship, and last Friday he told me how he'd enforced contact with his child via law enforcement. After calling the baby's momma numerous times to speak to his child and her not answering, someone let him know if he did this again and called the cops, they'd send cars out to investigate why. He did this, 3 cop cars showed up with lights blazing, and it scared the s*** out of his ex. Anytime he called now, she quickly handed her child the phone so she wouldn't have to deal with that again.

I thought of this, but only since I was angry, blaming this on my ex. But it did make me realize I had rights to speak to my daughter. She's only 13, not 20. I texted my ex requesting she tell our daughter to call me. She replied in minutes saying she did. But she didn't call. 20 minutes later I called my ex, and she answered. She said both of them were tired (it was close to 9PM), but she'd tell her again. My daughter called 5 minutes later, very tired. I stayed on less than 30 seconds, as she sounded like she was half asleep.

I was embarrassed since I imagined doing the law enforcement thing if my ex snubbed me (all imagined, again). And not really. Revenge and resentment can prompt some ugly punitive thoughts towards people. I realized this beforehand. Resentment still resides in me though, for I don't want to forget this tactic.

Plenty of room for DMSI to work in me here.