Also, I texted my ex today to tell her I'd be giving child support Friday. She perked up and was unusually responsive and inquisitive. I've had old feelings surface lately. I'm unsure where they're taking me. I'll just follow them.
And she said something which makes me both excited and nervous. She asked if I'd be around July 4th. She presently lives in Kentucky (at least 800 miles away), so I said I'd be here and asked what she meant. She said she would be back here locally playing trumpet in the marching band on July 4th, and wondered if I'd be playing too. I told her I've been wanting to strongly, and she replied she was glad to hear that.
EDIT: The fear I've been feeling has more to do with me playing trumpet vs. seeing my ex-wife. My first year playing trumpet (cornet actually), I played for long stretches. I emoted easily through music, and I expressed myself easily, with whatever emotion came up. Me even thinking of playing surfaces emotions I've buried for years. I imagine me playing, and crying, and playing more to feel more. To be more. To be myself. Why am I afraid?
Thinking about it isn't doing it. Doing it....is doing it.
Where can I practice this weekend?
Lately, I've found just walking through my fears has been changing something in me. It's kind of weird, but I like it. I feel more responsible.
So just go through it.
And she said something which makes me both excited and nervous. She asked if I'd be around July 4th. She presently lives in Kentucky (at least 800 miles away), so I said I'd be here and asked what she meant. She said she would be back here locally playing trumpet in the marching band on July 4th, and wondered if I'd be playing too. I told her I've been wanting to strongly, and she replied she was glad to hear that.
EDIT: The fear I've been feeling has more to do with me playing trumpet vs. seeing my ex-wife. My first year playing trumpet (cornet actually), I played for long stretches. I emoted easily through music, and I expressed myself easily, with whatever emotion came up. Me even thinking of playing surfaces emotions I've buried for years. I imagine me playing, and crying, and playing more to feel more. To be more. To be myself. Why am I afraid?
Thinking about it isn't doing it. Doing it....is doing it.
Where can I practice this weekend?
Lately, I've found just walking through my fears has been changing something in me. It's kind of weird, but I like it. I feel more responsible.
So just go through it.
I want to be FREE!
