I'm fighting this tooth and nail, and the resistance is moving into my job as well. Like I'm saying "I don't WANT to". I'm fricking it up left and right while I'm home: more coffee, listening to MLS (this morning), and trying to "fail".
I'm not bsing saying DMSI is off. DMSI is doing what it was designed to, and I'm overreacting in fear a lot these last few days. I'm in this "I've got to derail this" mentality. I'm off.
And my job, I chose to stay home today. A coworker texted me early asking if I was coming in. I said no since I'd been procrastinating on setting up a YT business (when actually I was mostly mentally exhausted--my work this morning was all fear-based, not born from desire). He then called, but I didn't answer. I checked my phone an hour later, and he texted saying our head boss needed me in. In my "I want to be in control" mindset, I didn't text back or go in. Our head boss can be a merciless a**hole most days, so I'm afraid now.
I feel like I'm trying to win by failing.
I'm overwhelming myself.
EDIT: I forgot to mention I did 2 loops of A last night.
I'm not bsing saying DMSI is off. DMSI is doing what it was designed to, and I'm overreacting in fear a lot these last few days. I'm in this "I've got to derail this" mentality. I'm off.
And my job, I chose to stay home today. A coworker texted me early asking if I was coming in. I said no since I'd been procrastinating on setting up a YT business (when actually I was mostly mentally exhausted--my work this morning was all fear-based, not born from desire). He then called, but I didn't answer. I checked my phone an hour later, and he texted saying our head boss needed me in. In my "I want to be in control" mindset, I didn't text back or go in. Our head boss can be a merciless a**hole most days, so I'm afraid now.
I feel like I'm trying to win by failing.
I'm overwhelming myself.
EDIT: I forgot to mention I did 2 loops of A last night.
I want to be FREE!
