05-13-2018, 10:21 AM
Something this sub does is ..... almost demand I take care of the needs I've avoided.
I have some laundry to do. Small stuff really.
I'm not talking about outside stuff really. I'm talking about loving myself and giving myself enough time and attention while I can.
It started with me looking for some piano videos on YT. I found one where the player was in an airport, playing to honor victims of some bombings overseas. It made me cry. I searched for others.....successfully. Music can be so powerful to me.
I got into the street flash mobs of professional orchestras, playing full pieces beautifully, choir and all.
I then got into the X-Factor/America's Got Talent Golden Buzzer clips with performers I'd seen before. I cried on each one.
I've felt "this isn't masculine/acceptable/something to be proud of"
And also......BULLS***! I am proud of myself!! I know 100 men who are too insecure to fully express what's in their hearts. Keeping it in keeps one SAFE, not SANE. Been there, done that, for YEARS. I've known I've had this inside me, and I'M LETTING IT OUT.
That's why I'm proud. I've stayed in sadness--using it as a crutch--and going through it is getting me OUT of it. Living in it is SAD. Feeling it IS NOT. I'm feeling it.
One moment at a time, DMSI is clearing me out and healing my understanding of myself. Thank you Shannon!
I have some laundry to do. Small stuff really.
I'm not talking about outside stuff really. I'm talking about loving myself and giving myself enough time and attention while I can.
It started with me looking for some piano videos on YT. I found one where the player was in an airport, playing to honor victims of some bombings overseas. It made me cry. I searched for others.....successfully. Music can be so powerful to me.
I got into the street flash mobs of professional orchestras, playing full pieces beautifully, choir and all.
I then got into the X-Factor/America's Got Talent Golden Buzzer clips with performers I'd seen before. I cried on each one.
I've felt "this isn't masculine/acceptable/something to be proud of"
And also......BULLS***! I am proud of myself!! I know 100 men who are too insecure to fully express what's in their hearts. Keeping it in keeps one SAFE, not SANE. Been there, done that, for YEARS. I've known I've had this inside me, and I'M LETTING IT OUT.
That's why I'm proud. I've stayed in sadness--using it as a crutch--and going through it is getting me OUT of it. Living in it is SAD. Feeling it IS NOT. I'm feeling it.
One moment at a time, DMSI is clearing me out and healing my understanding of myself. Thank you Shannon!
I want to be FREE!
