05-11-2018, 03:30 PM
Running version A one loop right now. Have had it on 45 minutes already on Hybrid TS.
I honestly expected dynamite or something. I'm not caffeinated right now, but I assumed much more immediately noticable effects while running it. Well......I did almost zonk out in the first 15 minutes.
I'm going to reflect on this with my initial experiences running UD. I knew it would affect SOMETHING, and since I liked the idea of detoxing, I waited. My thoughts did change into what the script pointed me towards: accepting that I needed change, but I hadn't. As it brought down my walls, my mind's eye began opening, but mostly to an awareness that.......life was going on. I'd just sat by, hoping I'd change by some unknown force (some emotional moving), and sure enough, things began to change in me.
For DMSI, I'm sad some. I've held onto views, feelings, and lack of experiences with women thinking "if I don't change, I won't be hurt". I am completely unaware how this will flip. Even my imaginations have fear tagged onto them, tbh. So, I don't imagine many relationship possibilities.
That last sentence wasn't totally true. I've been interested in this girl at a local store. I'm just not sure how old she is. Most of the cashiers there are still in high school, and I assume she is close to their age. She does look legal though (skin, eyes). I just think she's a pretty face and a personality I may click with. I shopped there an hour ago for some weekend supplies, I saw her register was open, and for the 2nd time, I did not do some lame chase near the end our discussion.
Her: how are you?
Me: Ready to go home! (I came there right after work, again)
Her: I am too! I'm stuck here though for 2 more hours.
I said nothing more and left after my purchase was made.
The last time this exchange happened, it was in the evening. Her reply had been "I'll be off in 20 minutes" I had realized I could have said some lame invitation, but I didn't. I kept to being just "a customer" and left right after I paid.
Also, I've kind of gotten the sense that the store manager watches out for his cashiers. I've seen his reaction to me, as if he was trying to hide that he is watching how people interact with the many beautiful girls on staff.
I am making excuses. I see this. "Reasons to NOT initiate".
And like UD initially, I could only observe the changes happening in me. I didn't know then, and I don't know now. As secondary goals, I do look forward to the healthy diet/lifestyle and anti-procrastination modules. I'd love to clean up my place some!
I wonder if I'll dream too. A lot of guys post dreams, but I rarely remember mine. Due to what I've read on this forum, I believe it's emotionally based. NOTE: As I wrote those last words......my mind flashed back to 6th grade. WTF?? I felt so alone in 6th grade, as I had no friends, no brother to accompany me, well.... noone. ----DMSI ended around 10 minutes ago. Old emotional memories like that one are surfacing. Seems like DMSI is doing something. I'll write later if I need to. Probably sooner.
I honestly expected dynamite or something. I'm not caffeinated right now, but I assumed much more immediately noticable effects while running it. Well......I did almost zonk out in the first 15 minutes.
I'm going to reflect on this with my initial experiences running UD. I knew it would affect SOMETHING, and since I liked the idea of detoxing, I waited. My thoughts did change into what the script pointed me towards: accepting that I needed change, but I hadn't. As it brought down my walls, my mind's eye began opening, but mostly to an awareness that.......life was going on. I'd just sat by, hoping I'd change by some unknown force (some emotional moving), and sure enough, things began to change in me.
For DMSI, I'm sad some. I've held onto views, feelings, and lack of experiences with women thinking "if I don't change, I won't be hurt". I am completely unaware how this will flip. Even my imaginations have fear tagged onto them, tbh. So, I don't imagine many relationship possibilities.
That last sentence wasn't totally true. I've been interested in this girl at a local store. I'm just not sure how old she is. Most of the cashiers there are still in high school, and I assume she is close to their age. She does look legal though (skin, eyes). I just think she's a pretty face and a personality I may click with. I shopped there an hour ago for some weekend supplies, I saw her register was open, and for the 2nd time, I did not do some lame chase near the end our discussion.
Her: how are you?
Me: Ready to go home! (I came there right after work, again)
Her: I am too! I'm stuck here though for 2 more hours.
I said nothing more and left after my purchase was made.
The last time this exchange happened, it was in the evening. Her reply had been "I'll be off in 20 minutes" I had realized I could have said some lame invitation, but I didn't. I kept to being just "a customer" and left right after I paid.
Also, I've kind of gotten the sense that the store manager watches out for his cashiers. I've seen his reaction to me, as if he was trying to hide that he is watching how people interact with the many beautiful girls on staff.
I am making excuses. I see this. "Reasons to NOT initiate".
And like UD initially, I could only observe the changes happening in me. I didn't know then, and I don't know now. As secondary goals, I do look forward to the healthy diet/lifestyle and anti-procrastination modules. I'd love to clean up my place some!
I wonder if I'll dream too. A lot of guys post dreams, but I rarely remember mine. Due to what I've read on this forum, I believe it's emotionally based. NOTE: As I wrote those last words......my mind flashed back to 6th grade. WTF?? I felt so alone in 6th grade, as I had no friends, no brother to accompany me, well.... noone. ----DMSI ended around 10 minutes ago. Old emotional memories like that one are surfacing. Seems like DMSI is doing something. I'll write later if I need to. Probably sooner.
I want to be FREE!
