07-31-2018, 03:50 AM
I'm starting to think my main struggle with DMSI is not understanding the dynamic nature of my mind. Meaning trying to force it to behave in a certain way instead of letting it go about its business. I've always been a very highly active thinker, analyzing things, questioning, etc. It's only in the past few years that I assumed that's a bad thing because my mind isn't still or calm. And for all I know dmsi is kicking my mind into overdrive and I've been even more active, which I saw as a negative. The stress and anxiety I felt is probably due to trying to stop that thinking.
So I've been really thinking how I can get what I want out of life. To a certain degree it's caused some detachment with my current job which triggered fear because I was afraid I'd start slacking and get fired. So I'd focus on work more out of fear which caused even more internal tension as one part of me felt like getting away from it and another part being attached because of fear. Literally two sides in a tug of war match and it caused a lot of stress in my life because my mind won't commit to either one.
So mainly what I wanted to say in this post is that I'm just going to keep on with my ramblings. They might not have as much cohesion as I'd like at times, but I feel that my mind is piecing together the puzzle pieces. It's very chaotic and unorganized at times, but if I had a solid direction or answer for what I'm trying to overcome and achieve I imagine I would have gotten there a while ago. At this point it's just an ongoing problem I need to solve and it's ok if I hit the occasional roadblock.
So I've been really thinking how I can get what I want out of life. To a certain degree it's caused some detachment with my current job which triggered fear because I was afraid I'd start slacking and get fired. So I'd focus on work more out of fear which caused even more internal tension as one part of me felt like getting away from it and another part being attached because of fear. Literally two sides in a tug of war match and it caused a lot of stress in my life because my mind won't commit to either one.
So mainly what I wanted to say in this post is that I'm just going to keep on with my ramblings. They might not have as much cohesion as I'd like at times, but I feel that my mind is piecing together the puzzle pieces. It's very chaotic and unorganized at times, but if I had a solid direction or answer for what I'm trying to overcome and achieve I imagine I would have gotten there a while ago. At this point it's just an ongoing problem I need to solve and it's ok if I hit the occasional roadblock.
INFP