I'm reading Reality Transurfing again and this quote pretty much described exactly what I'm going through right now.
Running DMSI has just been so odd because part of me feels confident and another part still has those feelings of not good enough. A lot of the times in the past I'd take that not good enough sign as an indication that the positive side was a delusions or wishful thinking. But now I see that they both exist simultaneously within me, neither one more of the truth than the other.
There's this almost instinctual urge not to think about that more hurting side. I found myself telling myself not to focus on it. But when I let go and stop trying to control what direction I go in I notice DMSI pulls me directly to the heart of those feelings. So I know I'm not supposed to be ignoring them or trying to overpower them with positivity.
At the same time these feelings are only a minor part of me, not the whole picture. Stuff that holds me back and needs to be addressed, but at the same time doesn't define me as a whole. With that awareness I can relax more and let this unfold. Trying obsessively to get myself to execute and switch over in a short span of time seems to be very demanding on this part. By focusing too hard on trying to make DMSI work for me, I ironically push it away. I notice the most results when I'm in a flow like state, letting things be, doing what I can, but not overly obsessing about getting everything right. All of it will come in time, I can feel it. Like anything in life it takes dedicated focus and it's more of a marathon than a sprint. What I have right now is consistency and I'll take that over stop and go any day. It might not be huge major changes every day, but it's better than hitting the brakes every time I encounter fear.
Having said that I'm 27 and I feel like for most of my life I didn't get to enjoy it. It was always a battle or struggle for me, finding happiness where I could. But overall it felt like I wasn't experiencing everything life had to offer. Then adulthood hit, which I wasn't prepared for. And everyone around me was telling me this is what being an adult was. Working at a job, budgeting your time, saving for retirement, etc. It's like when people become adults they think life automatically has to go into this predefined box of misery that everyone is a part of. Nope, not me. I've lost too many years of not enjoying life, I won't buy into the narrative that being a kid is the most freedom in your life. Fuck it, I deserve to have an awesome happy life now to make up for my lost time in the past. That's what I'm aiming for. The irony of people who talk about "being an adult" is they have a very narrow viewpoint of what life is and refuse to see outside of it which shows a lack of maturity or insight into the world which seems very un-adult. You'd think as you get older you would question things more, not get crammed further into a box that dictates your life. Sadly it seems that's the most common theme among people and bitter people want to drag you down to their level as well.
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Quote:Although this may all sound incredibly simple many people do in fact use up a colossal amount of energy battling against themselves, trying to hide their shortcomings. They are like titans committing themselves to a lifetime of carrying a heavy load. All they have to do is lay down the heavy burden, be themselves, and then life would become noticeably easier and simpler. Energy could then be transferred from battling with imperfection to developing more worthy qualities and the quality of this new energy would correspond to life lines where positive characteristics outweigh weaknesses. Think about it. How can you shift to a life line where your body is in good shape if all your thoughts centre on your physical shortcomings? You end up getting what you decisively do not want.
Running DMSI has just been so odd because part of me feels confident and another part still has those feelings of not good enough. A lot of the times in the past I'd take that not good enough sign as an indication that the positive side was a delusions or wishful thinking. But now I see that they both exist simultaneously within me, neither one more of the truth than the other.
There's this almost instinctual urge not to think about that more hurting side. I found myself telling myself not to focus on it. But when I let go and stop trying to control what direction I go in I notice DMSI pulls me directly to the heart of those feelings. So I know I'm not supposed to be ignoring them or trying to overpower them with positivity.
At the same time these feelings are only a minor part of me, not the whole picture. Stuff that holds me back and needs to be addressed, but at the same time doesn't define me as a whole. With that awareness I can relax more and let this unfold. Trying obsessively to get myself to execute and switch over in a short span of time seems to be very demanding on this part. By focusing too hard on trying to make DMSI work for me, I ironically push it away. I notice the most results when I'm in a flow like state, letting things be, doing what I can, but not overly obsessing about getting everything right. All of it will come in time, I can feel it. Like anything in life it takes dedicated focus and it's more of a marathon than a sprint. What I have right now is consistency and I'll take that over stop and go any day. It might not be huge major changes every day, but it's better than hitting the brakes every time I encounter fear.
Having said that I'm 27 and I feel like for most of my life I didn't get to enjoy it. It was always a battle or struggle for me, finding happiness where I could. But overall it felt like I wasn't experiencing everything life had to offer. Then adulthood hit, which I wasn't prepared for. And everyone around me was telling me this is what being an adult was. Working at a job, budgeting your time, saving for retirement, etc. It's like when people become adults they think life automatically has to go into this predefined box of misery that everyone is a part of. Nope, not me. I've lost too many years of not enjoying life, I won't buy into the narrative that being a kid is the most freedom in your life. Fuck it, I deserve to have an awesome happy life now to make up for my lost time in the past. That's what I'm aiming for. The irony of people who talk about "being an adult" is they have a very narrow viewpoint of what life is and refuse to see outside of it which shows a lack of maturity or insight into the world which seems very un-adult. You'd think as you get older you would question things more, not get crammed further into a box that dictates your life. Sadly it seems that's the most common theme among people and bitter people want to drag you down to their level as well.
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INFP