DMSI 3.2 it's official

[mat422]

So things are going good. I've been meeting new people at the business I work at. But there's a ton of inside jokes about what's gone on in the business and I'm pretty much out of the loop. It is what it is. Got the "you're so quiet" comment again. That usually triggers some kind of downward spiral, but it didn't this time. I speak when I feel I can speak, sometimes I just don't see a window in a conversation so I just chill. I just generally don't talk a lot even among my friends and I'm done feeling bad about it. She did say it was ok though which was nice. First time anyone has acknowledged that being quiet isn't a bad thing. And I think it's just the vibe I give off now. It's no longer that awkward quiet. The worst is when people keep prying and try to "break" you out of your quietness. All they do is irritate you to the point where you just start pretending so they shut up. I don't really get that anymore and if I do I'm not going to reward their behavior with what they want.

I do like being social, but I have to be somewhat interested in the conversation or have a point of reference. Otherwise it feels like I'm butting in to get attention or approval and that just doesn't feel good. This has kind of been my whole life though, sort of just being a spectator. I can't really tell if it's still fear that holds me back or it's just who I am. I don't know if anyone can relate but sometimes I just straight up zone out if something doesn't catch my interest.