05-20-2018, 06:52 AM
I'm starting to see just how badly my assumptions about things hold me back in life. For a fair bit of time now I've wanted to make money off my music or at the very least be able to build a lifestyle around it. Don't care about being famous or anything, just being able to make a comfortable living doing what I love would be good enough for me. But man I can only speak for myself, I find myself incredibly judgemental of what it means to be an artist. As if somehow struggling makes my work have more "depth" or whatever. Such nonsense like making money off of it somehow devalues the integrity of it.
In general I feel like artists and creative types are more likely to get shafted in this world. We're constantly told art doesn't hold any real merit compared to more important jobs like being some big ceo of a company. So we've all been told to be happy with crumbs. And again I think it's a self worth thing. Valuing my own work enough to know I'm deserving of success. The starving artists myth has to die, it doesn't make an artist any more "real" or "authentic" than one that makes money off their art.
Going along with all this. Having sex with a lot of women or casual hookups in general. I'm still shaking that conditioning that makes me feel like a bad person for wanting something like that. Black and white thinking again. Either I'm a good guy in a committed relationship or I'm sleeping with tons of women and hurting them by not being committed. Being monogamous doesn't somehow make me a better person. I just think it does. I guess one of my fears with DMSI is I'll turn into this aloof jackass. Same sort of fear I had with AM when I ran it. So I stick to old views and beliefs so I don't potentially hurt someone.
I think DMSI is just clashing with really ingrained values I've held over the years. I think this also has to do with my MBTI type being INFP. Fi being my primary function, my whole world is built on an internal value system but it's my perception of what's right or wrong. Redefining those values may not feel right, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. And I think that's where I get caught up the most with DMSI, being too stubborn in my existing beliefs instead of revising them. I think it's time I really dissect what I believe and be willing to change how I view things instead of automatically going with what feels right.
In general I feel like artists and creative types are more likely to get shafted in this world. We're constantly told art doesn't hold any real merit compared to more important jobs like being some big ceo of a company. So we've all been told to be happy with crumbs. And again I think it's a self worth thing. Valuing my own work enough to know I'm deserving of success. The starving artists myth has to die, it doesn't make an artist any more "real" or "authentic" than one that makes money off their art.
Going along with all this. Having sex with a lot of women or casual hookups in general. I'm still shaking that conditioning that makes me feel like a bad person for wanting something like that. Black and white thinking again. Either I'm a good guy in a committed relationship or I'm sleeping with tons of women and hurting them by not being committed. Being monogamous doesn't somehow make me a better person. I just think it does. I guess one of my fears with DMSI is I'll turn into this aloof jackass. Same sort of fear I had with AM when I ran it. So I stick to old views and beliefs so I don't potentially hurt someone.
I think DMSI is just clashing with really ingrained values I've held over the years. I think this also has to do with my MBTI type being INFP. Fi being my primary function, my whole world is built on an internal value system but it's my perception of what's right or wrong. Redefining those values may not feel right, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. And I think that's where I get caught up the most with DMSI, being too stubborn in my existing beliefs instead of revising them. I think it's time I really dissect what I believe and be willing to change how I view things instead of automatically going with what feels right.
INFP
