01-11-2013, 04:03 PM
Its alright its already coming round it was just the lull in-between the switch from fear based motivation to goal based motivation 
So more stuff that I should write down before the naturalizer makes it seem like I've always been that way.
I'm more and more getting in the moment. I've noticed i'm just not worrying so much now that the initial resistance from stage 4 is gone and I am in a state of flow a lot more and just enjoying the moment or not really thinking so much. Motivation has changed, i'm getting stuff done but not because I fear what other people may think etc but because its what I want to do and because I want to take pride in myself. Its almost like i'm having a manic episode but without making rash decisions or any of the other bad side effects of mania.
Oh and I just realized that I haven't watched TV for two weeks. I hadn't even noticed until a while ago when I was sitting down eating lunch and I saw the TV. I've been spending all my time getting things done. Like moving back into my parents for a brief visit before I find myself a new place and going out with mates which happens a fair bit at the moment. I used to always stress out if I didn't catch up with mates for a week now I just don't care either way. If I catch up with them I catch up with them if I don't I do my own thing. I believe this relates a lot to the fear of being alone which was related to abandonment, so there's been some positive changes in that respect.
I've also noticed that shame is holding the leftover fears I have in place at the moment. When I have been thinking and reflecting I've realized that a lot of my social fears and fears around women are because I don't believe i'm good enough or I believe i'm defective. So there's a lot of toxic shame in there that will do really well with a run through of OFSG.
The only negative so far has been the fact I've put on quite a bit of weight I'm still 10kg lighter than I was when I started subs but i'm 8kg heavier than I was when I finished AM. I've got a plan for this one its just a matter of getting in contact with my brother who is good friends with a nutritionist to get this sorted. Along with getting back to the gym more often.
Oh and one other thing I'm being more straight up and honest at work. This is due to fears dissipating and so I'm being honest with work mates about whats frustrating me or when I'm angry.
So more stuff that I should write down before the naturalizer makes it seem like I've always been that way.
I'm more and more getting in the moment. I've noticed i'm just not worrying so much now that the initial resistance from stage 4 is gone and I am in a state of flow a lot more and just enjoying the moment or not really thinking so much. Motivation has changed, i'm getting stuff done but not because I fear what other people may think etc but because its what I want to do and because I want to take pride in myself. Its almost like i'm having a manic episode but without making rash decisions or any of the other bad side effects of mania.
Oh and I just realized that I haven't watched TV for two weeks. I hadn't even noticed until a while ago when I was sitting down eating lunch and I saw the TV. I've been spending all my time getting things done. Like moving back into my parents for a brief visit before I find myself a new place and going out with mates which happens a fair bit at the moment. I used to always stress out if I didn't catch up with mates for a week now I just don't care either way. If I catch up with them I catch up with them if I don't I do my own thing. I believe this relates a lot to the fear of being alone which was related to abandonment, so there's been some positive changes in that respect.
I've also noticed that shame is holding the leftover fears I have in place at the moment. When I have been thinking and reflecting I've realized that a lot of my social fears and fears around women are because I don't believe i'm good enough or I believe i'm defective. So there's a lot of toxic shame in there that will do really well with a run through of OFSG.
The only negative so far has been the fact I've put on quite a bit of weight I'm still 10kg lighter than I was when I started subs but i'm 8kg heavier than I was when I finished AM. I've got a plan for this one its just a matter of getting in contact with my brother who is good friends with a nutritionist to get this sorted. Along with getting back to the gym more often.
Oh and one other thing I'm being more straight up and honest at work. This is due to fears dissipating and so I'm being honest with work mates about whats frustrating me or when I'm angry.
The only person in life that can ever hold you back is yourself. So get out of your own way and start living the life you always dreamed of
