DMSI 3.2 Magnus

[Magnus]

Jimbob, be careful about this band: if the guy's girlfriend was hitting on you to get drugs, you might be better off not joining the band at all. If the band is into drugs, it could really screw things up for you.

I'm personally not to worried about the drugs. I used to be quite a heavy drug user years ago then one day I just said no I'm not doing this anymore it isn't getting me anywhere and stopped from then have used them a handful of times but thats it. I still associate with people who use drugs but it doesn't phase me as long as they respect the fact that I don't do them and that I don't want them on my property or in my car. Everyone that i'm friends with now understands that and respects those rules. I lost a few during that process but hey they weren't that great of friends anyway. One thing that does disturb me though is how prevalent drug use is in my country. It's now more acceptable here (by people under 30) to use drugs than it is to smoke. I get shunned for being a smoker while they are fine with people using drugs. There are now more people under 30 that use drugs recreationally than there are smokers. Its quite a disturbing statistic and while the government is fill of praise for the work done reducing the number of smokers they ignore the growing drug issues.

And maybe he should know she does things like that. If she'll do it once, she'll do it again.

I was having a chat with a mate later on in the night and he does know. I don't understand why he puts up with it as he's always been one of the guys that has a wide choice with women. Maybe its just his liberal approach to it and not giving a s***. I personally wouldn't put up with it but that's just me.

Anyway finished up with stage 3 a week ago.

What I noticed during stage 3 was that I became a lot more comfortable in general around social situations. Even though I wasn't talking a lot I was generally more relaxed and that came through in the way I was able to joke around and talk quite naturally.

Another interesting thing was I went diving during the week and as much as I love diving I always feel a bit of fear when doing it. This time there was none, I mean zero there's also this fish that I always scares me a bit when I go down and that also didn't scare me at all. I managed to do my first solo dive (without a buddy as well) before this would have freaked me out but it was manageable. While this may not seem like a whole lot I believe it works into deeper fears like fear of the unknown.

Stage 4 was a mare to say the least for the first few days I felt so empty and lost inside with it all coming to head yesterday when I felt really antisocial and I really just wanted to hide away from the world and everyone in it. This is defiantly working on something big. I also had a lot of longing and thoughts of my ex coming up. I've realized these longing thoughts have to do not so much with her but my perception of what she means to me and symbolises (Love, Comfort, Support). This is why she becomes such a recurring theme throughout my subliminal use. Dealing with these issues through subs means that I am slowly letting the fantasy and my perception of her go. It still completely amazes me to this day that I had let myself base my whole sense of self on her and not on my own standing.

Anyway enough babbling and contemplation of insights over the last week